\u201cBen gidiyorum.\u201d<\/p>\n
On d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc g\u00fcn\u00fcn sabah\u0131nda b\u00f6yle bir c\u00fcmle ile gitmi\u015fti. Neden, ni\u00e7in, nerede hata yapt\u0131m? Bu sorular\u0131n hi\u00e7birine cevap alamad\u0131m. Oysa gidi\u015fi gibi ani bir kar\u015f\u0131lamayla ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 her \u015fey.<\/p>\n
Otob\u00fcs yolculuklar\u0131n\u0131n en g\u00fczeli hi\u00e7 beklemedi\u011fin anda kar\u015f\u0131na bir bekleyenin \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131d\u0131r. Seni kar\u015f\u0131lamas\u0131, sevin\u00e7le g\u00f6zlerine bakmas\u0131 ve s\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 sar\u0131lmas\u0131\u2026 Peki kimdi seni kar\u015f\u0131layan? Sevgilin mi, sevdi\u011fin mi, seni seven bir yabanc\u0131 m\u0131, yoksa yanl\u0131\u015fl\u0131kla seni birine benzetip sar\u0131lan m\u0131? Son s\u00f6yledi\u011fimi abs\u00fcrt olsun diye yazmad\u0131m \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ger\u00e7ekten hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m birisi s\u0131rf deri mont giyiyorum diye bana sar\u0131ld\u0131. Tabii erkek arkada\u015f\u0131na benzedi\u011fim i\u00e7in sar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f yoksa ne i\u015fi var! Bir keresinde de s\u0131rf deri montum var diye omuzumda uyuyan bir ba\u015fka yabanc\u0131 vard\u0131 ama neyse konumuz o de\u011fil zaten\u2026<\/p>\n
Seven, sevilen, yabanc\u0131, herkes, hi\u00e7 kimse gibi b\u00fct\u00fcn kavramlar\u0131n bir araya topland\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir \u00e7ift g\u00f6zd\u00fc san\u0131r\u0131m kar\u015f\u0131mda duran. Ne hissedece\u011fimi bilmedi\u011fim i\u00e7in birinci g\u00fcn\u00fcn ak\u015fam\u0131 s\u0131cak bir kar\u015f\u0131lamayla \u00e7\u0131kagelmi\u015fti. Zaten d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc \u00e7aylardan sonra kafam yerinde olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in birden duygular\u0131m\u0131 a\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, daha kendim bile h\u00e2kim de\u011filken.<\/p>\n
Sabah uyan\u0131nca i\u00e7imdeki karma\u015f\u0131k duygular\u0131n bana verdi\u011fi yetkiye dayanarak daha \u00f6nce dinlemedi\u011fim bir adam\u0131n konserine davet etmi\u015ftim; fiziken yak\u0131n, ruhen uzak yan\u0131m\u0131. \u0130lk defa dinledi\u011fim \u015fark\u0131lar\u0131n verdi\u011fi \u00f6zg\u00fcvenle ikinci g\u00fcn\u00fcn ak\u015fam\u0131 elini tuttum. Elini tutunca, elimi bir daha b\u0131rakmad\u0131.<\/p>\n
\u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc g\u00fcn ak\u015fam\u00fcst\u00fc, \u201cAcaba h\u0131zl\u0131 m\u0131 gidiyorum?\u201d diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum ki hi\u00e7 beklemedi\u011fim anda bana kur\u015fun kalem hediye etmi\u015fti; en h\u0131zl\u0131 iletkenin kur\u015fun oldu\u011funu s\u00f6yleyip b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fczel duygular\u0131n\u0131 kur\u015fun kalemle ifade etti\u011fini s\u00f6yleyerek. Tabii say\u0131salc\u0131 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda biraz s\u00f6zel kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Bir jest olarak bir g\u00fcn \u00f6nce hediye etti\u011fi kur\u015fun kalemle en g\u00fczel duygular\u0131m\u0131 yaz\u0131p e-dergimize g\u00f6nderdim. Dergimiz duygular\u0131ma inanmam\u0131\u015f olacak ki yaz\u0131y\u0131 yay\u0131nlamad\u0131 ama derginin aksine birileri duygular\u0131ma inanm\u0131\u015f olacak ki bulu\u015ftu\u011fumuz mek\u00e2n\u0131n en kalabal\u0131k zaman diliminde yaz\u0131y\u0131 okuduktan sonra hi\u00e7 beklemedi\u011fim anda beni \u00f6pt\u00fc. Normalde ilk \u00f6p\u00fcc\u00fck \u00f6zeldir ama panik yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m y\u00fcz\u00fcme o kadar yans\u0131m\u0131\u015f ki utand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemi\u015fti. Oysa ben sadece panik yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m!<\/p>\n
D\u00f6rt, be\u015f, alt\u0131, yedi\u2026 Art\u0131k saymay\u0131 b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir ili\u015fkimiz vard\u0131. Onuncu g\u00fcn\u00fc kutlamak i\u00e7in kadeh kald\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne; en k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131s\u0131ndan. \u00d6nce g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc i\u00e7in kadehlerimizi bulu\u015fturduk, sonra birbirimiz i\u00e7in\u2026<\/p>\n
Ankara\u2019da yar\u0131m kalan bir hik\u00e2yenin yeniden hayata ge\u00e7i\u015fini kutlamak istedim, anlamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Onun yerine uzak do\u011fulu bir hik\u00e2yeyi anlatmak istemi\u015fti, anlamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Yani, on birinci g\u00fcn ilk kavgam\u0131zd\u0131.<\/p>\n
Hata yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm i\u00e7in \u00e7ikolata alarak kendimi affettirmek istedim. Bana \u00e7ikolatan\u0131n her zaman i\u015fe yarad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve aradaki so\u011fuklu\u011fu eriterek mutluluk getirdi\u011fini s\u00f6ylediler. \u00c7ikolata ald\u0131m, yemedi. Arkada\u015flar\u0131na ikram etti ama yine de benimle bar\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Farkl\u0131 iklimlerim insanlar\u0131 oldu\u011fumuzu anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m art\u0131k. Bunu anlamak bana on iki g\u00fcne mal oldu ama anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n
On \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc g\u00fcn\u00fcn ak\u015fam\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerimizi payla\u015fmak, sevmek, sevilmek, sar\u0131lmak, izlemek, konu\u015fmak gibi yap\u0131labilecek b\u00fct\u00fcn eylemleri ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftirmek i\u00e7in bir araya gelmeye karar verdik. Bir araya geldik. Sevmeyi denedik, sevilmeyi beceremedik, birbirimizi izledik ama konu\u015famad\u0131k. Sar\u0131lmay\u0131 beceremedik ve yine birbirimize s\u0131rt\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fck.<\/p>\n
On \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc g\u00fcn\u00fcn gecesi beraber uyuyamad\u0131k \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc on d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc g\u00fcn\u00fcn sabah\u0131 tek bir c\u00fcmle kurup beni terk etti.<\/p>\n
Ve \u015fimdi ad\u0131n\u0131 televizyonlarda g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Sevgili, seven, arkada\u015f, dost gibi bir\u00e7ok terim s\u00f6ylemi\u015ftim ama ilk defa ad\u0131n\u0131n vaka olarak an\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum, hem de as\u0131l vaka benken\u2026<\/p>\n
******<\/p>\n
-Fergan, nas\u0131l yani? Me\u011fer vir\u00fcsl\u00fc m\u00fcym\u00fc\u015f? Anlamad\u0131m ben \u015fimdi.<\/p>\n
-Yok be abi! Yak\u0131n do\u011fulu kendisi. Bize uzak, ba\u015fkas\u0131na yak\u0131n.<\/p>\n
-Karsl\u0131 m\u0131 yani?<\/p>\n
-Yak\u0131n do\u011fu vir\u00fcs\u00fcne yakalanm\u0131\u015f yani!<\/p>\n
-Ee \u00f6pm\u00fc\u015f o\u011flum seni, hemen test yapal\u0131m sana.<\/p>\n
-Evet, tam anlam\u0131yla bir \u00f6p\u00fcc\u00fck say\u0131lmaz ama zaten ondan sonra vampir geldi bendeki vir\u00fcs\u00fc dezenfekte etti.<\/p>\n
-Hayda yine vampir dedi. Vampir ne la?<\/p>\n
-Vampir olay\u0131 \u00e7ok kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k, onu sonra detayl\u0131 anlat\u0131r\u0131m. \u015eimdi \u015fu televizyonun sesini a\u00e7arsan yeni vakalara ne olmu\u015f anlayal\u0131m en az\u0131ndan.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cBen gidiyorum.\u201d On d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc g\u00fcn\u00fcn sabah\u0131nda…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":223,"featured_media":9924,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9923"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/223"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9923"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9923\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9923"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9923"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9923"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}