Biz, ilkin vefay\u0131 kaybettik. Yabanc\u0131la\u015ft\u0131k iki eski a\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n yabanc\u0131la\u015fmas\u0131 gibi birbirimize. Hanelerimiz yak\u0131nla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a uzakla\u015ft\u0131k tan\u0131d\u0131k y\u00fczlerin s\u0131cakl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan. Selam\u0131 unuttuk, g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyi unuttuk, h\u00e2l hat\u0131r sormay\u0131, el uzatmay\u0131, y\u00fcreklere dokunmay\u0131 unuttuk. Farketmemeye ba\u015flad\u0131k zamanla. G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcndeydi oysa g\u00f6rmemiz gerekirken g\u00f6rmek istemedi\u011fimiz b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00f6r\u00fcnmezlikler. Ve bu bizi i\u00e7imizdeki karanl\u0131kla, bencillikle, umursamazl\u0131kla, kibirle tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131. Sonras\u0131 karma\u015fa…<\/p>\n
Biz, merhameti kaybettik. Kelimenin temsil etti\u011fi mana bir tarafa, kelimenin kendisine bile d\u00fc\u015fman kesildik anlamadan. Yar\u0131n ihtiyac\u0131m\u0131z olacak \u015feye bug\u00fcnden cimrilik yapmay\u0131 adet edindik. Bir dilim ekme\u011fi b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fmeye erindik, bir tas s\u0131cak \u00e7orbay\u0131 \u00e7ok g\u00f6rd\u00fck buz kesmi\u015f sinelere. \u00d6l\u00fcmlere sustuk, zul\u00fcmlere sustuk, yitip giden hayatlar\u0131n \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131na sustuk. Susa susa d\u00f6nd\u00fck dilsiz \u015feytanl\u0131k soka\u011f\u0131n\u0131n k\u00f6\u015fesinden. Bize dokunmayan y\u0131lan bin ya\u015fas\u0131n meydan\u0131nda topland\u0131k. \u00d6z anne babam\u0131z bile nasiplendi duygusal sosyopatl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zdan. Oysa, bir ser\u00e7eye ekmek k\u0131r\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131 vermek bile yetecekti ya\u011f ba\u011flam\u0131\u015f kalp kaslar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6zmeye. Sonras\u0131 dipsiz bir kuyu…<\/p>\n
Biz s\u00fck\u00fbnetmizi kaybettik. Partilerde, balolarda, etkinlik ad\u0131yla maskelenmi\u015f riya bulu\u015fmalar\u0131nda, d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn salonlar\u0131nda, oyun salonlar\u0131nda, diskolarda, barlarda, avmlerin yald\u0131zl\u0131 g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fclerinde b\u0131rakt\u0131k ruhumuzun a\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131. Tam tam sesleriyle bast\u0131rd\u0131k i\u00e7 sesimizi. Duymamak i\u00e7in vicdan\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n feryad\u0131n\u0131, sa\u011f\u0131rla\u015ft\u0131k. Neon \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131nda kaybolduk, sabah\u0131n ilk \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131nda kustuk sarho\u015flu\u011fumuzu. E\u011flenirken e\u011ferlendik yapmac\u0131kl\u0131klara, kahkahalar\u0131m\u0131zla \u00f6ld\u00fcrd\u00fck g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131. Sonras\u0131 u\u00e7urum…<\/p>\n
Biz, akl\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 kaybettik. Robotla\u015ft\u0131k modern \u00e7a\u011f\u0131n ke\u015fmeke\u015finde. Ne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmemiz isteniyorsa onu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fck, neye k\u00fcfretmemiz isteniyorsa ona s\u00f6vd\u00fck, neye vurmam\u0131z isteniyorsa onu par\u00e7alad\u0131k. Sorgulamad\u0131k, \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcye koymad\u0131k, tartmad\u0131k. Histerik krizler ge\u00e7irdik \u00e7o\u011fumuz. Kinden beslenen vampirlere d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc g\u00f6remedik aynadaki aksimizde. Hamas\u00ee masallarda h\u00e2limizi, komplo teorilerinde ger\u00e7ekli\u011fimizi kaybettik. Fikir denen mukaddesin namusunu kirletmeyi maharet bildi \u00f6mr\u00fc boyunca hi\u00e7 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmayacak olan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme organ\u0131m\u0131z. Sonras\u0131, yokolu\u015f…<\/p>\n
Biz utanmay\u0131 kaybettik. Her \u015feyi iki bacak aras\u0131yla iki dudak aras\u0131na hapsetti ihtiraslar\u0131m\u0131z. \u015eekilde hepimiz ayn\u0131yd\u0131k asl\u0131nda. \u0130yi giyimli, g\u00fcle\u00e7, medeniydik. Ama ger\u00e7ekte en adi canavar\u0131n adile\u015femeyece\u011fi kadar adile\u015fmeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131k canavarl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda. Dilimiz ba\u011f\u0131rsaklar\u0131m\u0131zda gezindi ilk ba\u015fta. Avret yerlerimizin kiriyle boyand\u0131 g\u00f6zbebeklerimiz. \u0130ltihaplanm\u0131\u015f \u0131rz\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 \u00e7i\u011fnettik \u0131rz d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131za. Pornodan zevkler edindik. Nihayetinde sald\u0131rmaya ba\u015flad\u0131k \u015fehvet d\u00f6ng\u00fcs\u00fcnde g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz her tatmin arac\u0131na. G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcze \u00e7arpan her kar\u015f\u0131 cins, hatta ayn\u0131 cins cariyemizdi s\u00f6zde. Aldatmak moda, pisletmek cinsel ihtiya\u00e7 say\u0131ld\u0131 defterlerimizce. \u00c7oluk \u00e7ocuk demeden \u00e7ulland\u0131k ars\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n dibine. Sonras\u0131 vah\u015fet…<\/p>\n
Biz Allah’\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 kaybettik. Fele\u011fimiz \u015fa\u015ft\u0131 al\u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdan. Helvadan putlar yapanlara nispet yaparak edindik putlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131. Tarihteki hi\u00e7bir azizin tapamayaca\u011f\u0131 bir imanla tapt\u0131k onlara. Paraya secde ettik, kibrimizi tavaf ettik, menfaatimize r\u00fc\u015fvetten zek\u00e2tlar sunduk medeniyet sunaklar\u0131nda. K\u0131blemiz arzular\u0131m\u0131z, k\u00e2bemiz nefsimiz oldu. Yok edilmi\u015f t\u00fcm kavimlerin su\u00e7lar\u0131 masum kald\u0131 su\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n yan\u0131nda. Oturma organ\u0131m\u0131zdan dinler \u00fcrettik, cahilli\u011fimize tapt\u0131k. \u0130deolojilerden, sahtek\u00e2r siyaset\u00e7ilerden, kifayetsiz alimciklerden ilahlar yaratt\u0131k hayas\u0131zca, utanmazca, ahmak\u00e7a. Hakettik yerin dibine batmay\u0131 zaman\u0131n \u00e7ukurunda. Sonras\u0131 cehennem…<\/p>\n
Biz, bizi kaybettik. Kendimizde kendimizi kaybettik. Bizi biz yapan, bizi e\u015fsiz yapan, bizi insan yapan t\u00fcm \u00f6zelliklerimiz kayboldu birer birer. Ortaya, tan\u0131nmayacak bir mahlukat \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. D\u00fcnyan\u0131n yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131ndan beri \u015fahit olunmam\u0131\u015f bir varl\u0131k. Zincirlenmi\u015f t\u00fcm kepazeliklerin zincirlerini k\u0131rm\u0131\u015f bir \u015fey. Evet, bir \u015fey \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 ortaya. Ad\u0131 koyulmam\u0131\u015f, lanetlemi\u015f, damgalanm\u0131\u015f bir \u015fey. D\u00fcnde kalanlar\u0131n korkuyla and\u0131\u011f\u0131, yar\u0131n gelecek olanlar\u0131n i\u011frenerek anaca\u011f\u0131 bir \u015fey. Hatta bizim bile ait olmak istemedi\u011fimiz bir \u015fey. \u0130\u015fte biz, bu d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz \u015feyde bizi kaybettik. Yolumuzu, y\u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc, bast\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z izi kaybettik. Dengemizi, dengimizi kaybettik. Havay\u0131 kaybettik, r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131 kaybettik, denizi kaybettik. Her \u015feyimizi, her \u015feyimizi kaybettik. Sonras\u0131 malum…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Biz, ilkin vefay\u0131 kaybettik. Yabanc\u0131la\u015ft\u0131k iki…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9918,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9907"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9907"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9907\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9907"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9907"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9907"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}