U\u00e7suzlu\u011fun yan\u0131nda dimdik ayakta duran belirsizli\u011fin konuk etti\u011fi sabr\u0131n; ta\u015ftan kaderine tak\u0131ld\u0131 birka\u00e7 mevsimim. Zaman, haziran sular\u0131 serinli\u011findeki ifadelerin u\u011frakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yitiren ziyaretlerini, y\u00fcz\u00fcmdeki gamzenin katili olan sakallar\u0131mla imtihan etse de i\u00e7imdeki karamsar \u00e7ocu\u011fun y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki on parmaktan g\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00e7 maskesini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcremedi. D\u00fcnlerim, ge\u00e7mi\u015fin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na u\u011furlan\u0131rken, yar\u0131na ertelenen endi\u015felerin f\u0131r\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131n ucundaki gelece\u011fin, ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131na \u015fahit olan g\u00fcne\u015fin do\u011fum sanc\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 izlemekten geldi g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne bar\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Her defas\u0131nda hayra yorulup ortada b\u0131rak\u0131lan \u015feyin kambur edecek kadar y\u00fck\u00fc da\u011f\u0131n\u0131k olsa da dilekler, eksik kabullenmelerin zoruyla toplad\u0131m kendimi; yerde kalsa da k\u0131r\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131m. Yine her defas\u0131nda kendi k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131klar\u0131 ile \u00e7izilen yeni hayallerin bir sonuna yeti\u015fmesi i\u00e7in bekleyi\u015flerin kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7alan sessiz dualar\u0131m oldu benim. Ka\u00e7mak, ayaklardan daha fazlas\u0131n\u0131 istercesine dudaklar\u0131 kilitleyince-duvara as\u0131l\u0131 \u00e7er\u00e7evelerin silikle\u015fmesi-zihnimin an\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 da \u00f6zg\u00fcr b\u0131rakt\u0131.\u00a0Oysaki yolcuydum ben de, yolcular\u0131mla u\u011framay\u0131 b\u0131rak\u0131nca ayn\u0131 han\u0131, pek bir yabanc\u0131la\u015ft\u0131 hanc\u0131 da yol da yolcular da. Hat\u0131r i\u00e7in dilenci gezince ellerim, soka\u011f\u0131nda kar\u015f\u0131la\u015f\u0131nca omuzumda iz b\u0131rakan her dostuma ad\u0131n\u0131 sordum.\u00a0 Sonra hep tak\u0131l\u0131p kald\u0131 akl\u0131ma, d\u00fc\u015flerimde d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcnce, hep bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn pe\u015fine d\u00fc\u015fmekten vazge\u00e7mek i\u00e7in u\u011furlad\u0131m kendimi d\u00fc\u015f a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131ndan… Her \u015feye ra\u011fmen, ayaz\u0131n s\u00fcrekli ya\u015fand\u0131\u011f\u0131 vakitlerin ortas\u0131nda olsam bile, umudun hep okundu\u011fu y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fcn yerini tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m k\u0131rg\u0131nl\u0131klara b\u0131rakmamas\u0131 i\u00e7in \u00e7ocuk k\u00fcsk\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc tak\u0131n\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n
\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ciddiyetimin \u00fcst\u00fcne giydi\u011fim b\u00fct\u00fcn tak\u0131m elbiselerimin \u00fczerine pi\u015fmanl\u0131klar\u0131n s\u0131\u00e7ramamas\u0131 ad\u0131na i\u00e7imden gelip g\u00f6zlerimi bas\u0131nca sessizlik, i\u015fte o zaman g\u00f6z kapaklar\u0131mdaki a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131k gelir akl\u0131ma, ya\u011fmurlu havalar\u0131 beklerim… Her gece g\u00f6lgemi teslim ederken Ay’a o vakit yaln\u0131zla\u015f\u0131r, \u015eems’i \u00f6zlerim…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
U\u00e7suzlu\u011fun yan\u0131nda dimdik ayakta duran belirsizli\u011fin…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":78,"featured_media":9163,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9899"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/78"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9899"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9899\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9899"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9899"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9899"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}