G\u00fcnlerdir bir buhran\u0131n i\u00e7inde, k\u0131vr\u0131lan bir sanc\u0131, han\u00e7erce\u2026 Boyunu a\u015fm\u0131\u015f meselelerim, ruhumda bir sarma\u015f\u0131k olmu\u015f. \u0130nsanlar\u0131n kalle\u015f bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131yla vurulmu\u015fum her g\u00fcn.<\/p>\n
Varolu\u015fsal bir \u0131zd\u0131rab\u0131n d\u0131\u015fa vurumu muydu bu ruh hali? G\u00fcn bat\u0131m\u0131nda, o her g\u00fcn i\u015f d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fc ge\u00e7ti\u011fim yolda bir melankoli dalgas\u0131na kap\u0131l\u0131rken, g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn k\u0131z\u0131l bir renge b\u00fcr\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00e7o\u011fu zaman fark\u0131na varam\u0131yordum. Yine ayn\u0131 ruh haliyle, Galata K\u00f6pr\u00fcs\u00fc\u2019n\u00fcn parmakl\u0131klar\u0131na yasland\u0131m birden.<\/p>\n
Art\u0131k anlam veremedi\u011fim bu evrende, zavall\u0131 bir insan gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum kendimi. Arkamda karanl\u0131k g\u00f6lgeler, ad\u0131m ad\u0131m beni takip ediyordu. Ben Galata K\u00f6pr\u00fcs\u00fc\u2019n\u00fcn parmakl\u0131klar\u0131na dayanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, ka\u00e7m\u0131yordum. Yorgun d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm, kayg\u0131lar\u0131mdan. Beni karanl\u0131klar i\u00e7ine \u00e7ekmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan g\u00f6lgelerden korkmu\u015ftum.<\/p>\n
Ne kadar da seviyordum kendime ac\u0131may\u0131. Mutsuzlukla beslenmeyi, kedere gark olmay\u0131. \u201cDertler, derya olmu\u015f bense bir, bense bir\u2026\u201d Neydim ki? Benimki, arabesk t\u00fcrk\u00fc format\u0131nda bir hayata ko\u015fullanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131kt\u0131. S\u0131yr\u0131lmak istesen de pen\u00e7esine kendini kapt\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n bir hayata ko\u015fullanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131k.<\/p>\n
Galata K\u00f6pr\u00fcs\u00fc\u2019n\u00fcn parmakl\u0131klar\u0131na dayanm\u0131\u015f \u00f6yle uzaklara dalm\u0131\u015fken mendil satan bir \u00e7ocu\u011fun yan\u0131ma yakla\u015f\u0131p bana seslenmesiyle kendime geldim:<\/p>\n
\u201cAbi, bir mendil alsana!\u201d<\/p>\n
Cebimden elime ge\u00e7en bozuk paralar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p uzatt\u0131m \u00e7ocu\u011fa. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f ellerinden ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m mendil temizler miydi hayat\u0131m\u0131? Ayaz vurmu\u015f kirli y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki k\u0131zarm\u0131\u015f burnundan akan s\u00fcm\u00fckleri koluyla silmeyi tercih eden bu \u00e7ocuk, ruhumdan akan g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 silmemi istercesine bir mendil uzatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bana. Hen\u00fcz d\u00f6k\u00fclmemi\u015f, i\u00e7imde biriken g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m i\u00e7in bir ka\u011f\u0131t mendil.<\/p>\n
\u0130\u015fte o an tabiattaki o sonsuz \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 hissettim. T\u0131pk\u0131 Munch\u2019un \u00c7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k tablosundaki gibi. Avu\u00e7lar\u0131mla y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc kapat\u0131rken kimliksizle\u015fmek istedim. Ard\u0131mda g\u00f6lgeler, izlerken beni, kaybolmak istedim bir anda. Korkular\u0131m huzursuzlu\u011fum bir kara g\u00f6lge misali pe\u015fimde. G\u00f6zlerim, benden uzakla\u015fan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ad\u0131mlarda.<\/p>\n
Hayat asl\u0131nda ne kadar da basit, onu karma\u015f\u0131kla\u015ft\u0131ran bendim. G\u00fcn bat\u0131m\u0131ndaki k\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131k, ruhumdaki s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131\u2026 \u201cAman bo\u015f ver.\u201d dedim. Bir mendil \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcverecek her \u015feyi. Bir k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t mendille silinen g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131, al\u0131verecek i\u00e7imdeki t\u00fcm karamsarl\u0131\u011f\u0131, h\u00fczn\u00fc. Nas\u0131l olsa k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t mendil, kullan at, kurtul git.<\/p>\n
Git gidebilirsen!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
G\u00fcnlerdir bir buhran\u0131n i\u00e7inde, k\u0131vr\u0131lan bir…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":216,"featured_media":9879,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9878"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/216"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9878"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9878\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9878"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9878"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9878"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}