{"id":9639,"date":"2019-12-03T22:01:58","date_gmt":"2019-12-03T20:01:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=9639"},"modified":"2019-12-03T22:01:58","modified_gmt":"2019-12-03T20:01:58","slug":"sayiklamalar-vi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=9639","title":{"rendered":"Say\u0131klamalar VI"},"content":{"rendered":"

I<\/strong><\/p>\n

Unuttu \u00e7antas\u0131n\u0131, ne\u015fteriyle, kanseriyle, posta pullar\u0131 ve ta\u015fra biletleriyle\u2026
\nK\u00f6\u015fede bir yerlerdeydi devedikenlerini yolmadan \u00f6nce. Suzinak bir duvar\u0131n dibinde, mukaddes esrarke\u015flerin replikalar\u0131yla birlikte\u2026
\nAna dili ma\u015fuk h\u00e2li, cam kesi\u011fi, uzun di\u015fli\u2026
\nAsl\u0131nda ne varsa bir c\u00fczden ibaretti.
\nKonu\u015ftu, kustu, a\u011flad\u0131. S\u00f6yleyece\u011fi binlerce s\u00f6z, okuyaca\u011f\u0131 binlerce mesel vard\u0131.
\nG\u00f6\u00e7\u00fck alt\u0131nda kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 dul m\u00fcba\u015firlerin karn\u0131nda: Kartal yuvas\u0131 gibi omuzlar\u0131yla\u2026
\n(Unuttu \u00e7antas\u0131n\u0131 Tel Aviv\u2019de bir m\u00fcrekkep bal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n a\u011fz\u0131nda.
\nSustu akl\u0131.
\nS\u00fclf\u00fcr ve zift m\u00fcptelas\u0131yd\u0131\u2026)<\/p>\n

\u0130\u00e7inden \u00f6pt\u00fc herkesi, dal ucu gibi. Rektumunda Persepolis orkidesi\u2026
\nZemzem tad\u0131 vard\u0131 gramofonun kenar\u0131nda. Lokomotifler ge\u00e7ti sonra salonun ortas\u0131ndan ard\u0131 ard\u0131na.
\n\u00d6ylece bast\u0131 i\u015fte abajurdaki \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n kuyru\u011funa.
\nKakt\u00fcsler b\u00fcy\u00fctt\u00fc, bulama\u00e7lar pi\u015firdi mezbahadaki kalabal\u0131\u011fa.
\nKorseli bir Libyal\u0131dan \u00e7al\u0131nt\u0131yd\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fc. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcd\u00fc, \u015f\u0131mard\u0131 \u00e7ok\u00e7a travestilerin e\u011flence fuar\u0131nda; surlar\u0131n, s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda.
\nDolunayd\u0131 kalbi, e\u011fik bir yaz\u0131 sanki: \u0130mlas\u0131na bakteri bula\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 anamorfoz vakti\u2026
\nRimel sand\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u00f6m\u00fcr par\u00e7as\u0131yd\u0131. Anestezi sand\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0130lahi Komedya\u2026
\nY\u00fcz g\u00f6r\u00fcml\u00fc\u011f\u00fc takacakt\u0131 yak\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131 o\u011flanlar\u0131n boyunlar\u0131na.
\nS\u00fcr\u00fcngen olup, b\u00fck\u00fclecekti K\u00fcrtlerin indi\u011fi patikadan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya: K\u00fcbal\u0131 bir devrimcinin m\u0131z\u0131kas\u0131yla\u2026<\/p>\n

(Duvarlara \u00e7ivi \u00e7ak\u0131yor, topra\u011f\u0131 k\u00f6k\u00fcnden s\u00f6k\u00fcyordu.
\nBir \u00e7ocu\u011fu, egzamas\u0131, tasas\u0131, travmas\u0131 vard\u0131.
\nVard\u0131,
\nve hepsi Galatyal\u0131\u2019yd\u0131\u2026)<\/p>\n

II<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hayatta kalmak zorunda de\u011fildi. Sevmeyecekti m\u00fcfredatlarla ya\u015fayan hi\u00e7bir iskeleti\u2026
\nOturdu, dola\u015ft\u0131, dalgaland\u0131. Uzun bir gerilla teorisi yaz\u0131p \u00e7\u00f6pe att\u0131.
\nKime, nas\u0131l, ne \u015fekilde adayacakt\u0131 sinesindeki anakaray\u0131?
\nU\u00e7amazd\u0131 izbede hi\u00e7 kimse. G\u00f6k kubbeye tap\u0131n\u0131r gibi tap\u0131yordu Ninoval\u0131 bitkilere\u2026
\nSihir, nizam, patates, pomat, tahtakurusu, emzik, zerdali, mi\u011ffer, y\u00fcn, icat, k\u00e2inat\u2026 : Ne \u00e7ok kelime vard\u0131 vitrininde. Ne \u00e7ok cerrahi dezenfekte\u2026
\nKararl\u0131yd\u0131. Sokaklarda varil yakacak, tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131 zilleri \u00e7al\u0131p ka\u00e7acakt\u0131 her gece.
\nTan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131 insanlar\u0131n yatak odalar\u0131na s\u0131z\u0131p, cemiyetler kuracakt\u0131 g\u00f6n\u00fcls\u00fcz \u00e7iftle\u015fen t\u00fcm ara cinslere\u2026
\nBonesini \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p mutfa\u011fa ge\u00e7ti. Kad\u0131n kelli\u011fi ne g\u00fczeldi.
\nAlman pastas\u0131 yapacakt\u0131 lumbozlara burunlar\u0131n\u0131 dayay\u0131p yunuslar\u0131 seyreden Zerd\u00fc\u015ftperestlere.
\nEski bir tableti kenar\u0131ndan k\u0131r\u0131p, \u00e7\u00f6mlek\u00e7ilere verecekti kozmogoni ve kozmoloji \u00fcretsinler diye\u2026
\nKimi yorsayd\u0131 re\u00e7etesindeki reformist harflerle? Kime yerle\u015fseydi an\u00fcs\u00fcndeki sar\u0131l\u0131k ge\u00e7ince?
\nHareli bir \u00e7ar\u015faft\u0131 ast\u0131\u011f\u0131 balkonundaki ipli\u011fe. \u00dczerinde O\u2019Hara, Sanders ve Olson\u2019a ait c\u00fcmlelerle\u2026<\/p>\n

\u0130stilac\u0131yd\u0131 lejyoner filmler. Ve m\u00fch\u00fcrs\u00fcz, t\u00f6rp\u00fcs\u00fcz, \u00e7imen gibi g\u00fczeller\u2026
\nA\u015fk\u2019a e\u011filimli de\u011fildi ki. Ganimetti eti ve d\u00f6\u015fe\u011fi. Ruhu billur bir faziletti sanki.
\nGrup\u00e7a sevi\u015firdi Dadaist \u00e7etelerle. Elinde yelpaze, rende, s\u00fcp\u00fcrge\u2026
\nSidi\u011fini yakt\u0131 bir vakit h\u00fcr bir kabarede. Herkesin tadamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015faraplar satan bir meyhaneye girdi sonra av borusu \u00f6t\u00fcnce.
\nHerif\u00e7io\u011flu minyat\u00fcr bir komiydi. D\u00fczd\u00fc onu suya yeni inmi\u015f bir filikaya atlar gibi\u2026 : Di\u015fi gecenin \u00fcst\u00fcne abanan erkek gece: Benek benek, kadife, ince\u2026<\/p>\n

III<\/strong><\/p>\n

Az \u00f6tede bir stel d\u00fckk\u00e2n\u0131, han kap\u0131s\u0131, cinayet baltas\u0131\u2026
\nBeyt\u00fclmal durumundayd\u0131, akt\u00fcalite boyutunda\u2026
\n\u015eurubuna lik\u00f6r kat\u0131p kuduzla\u015ft\u0131. Foton ku\u015fa\u011f\u0131yd\u0131 alg\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131. Ya da enfarkt\u00fcs an\u0131\u2026
\n\u00d6nemsemezdi \u00f6\u015f\u00fcrc\u00fcler onu. Saydam ve klinikti.
\nJ\u00fcpon bitleri gezinirdi \u00fczerinde. Ve ye\u015filkertenkeleler, yamyam meditasyonuna tutulmu\u015f ibneler, g\u00fcvercinler\u2026
\nFark etmezdi \u00e7o\u011fu zaman saplan\u0131p kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 simge bilimi. \u015eeytans\u0131 bir \u015feydi. Lacivert bereli, sar\u0131\u015f\u0131n belki. Ve hatta \u015eeytan\u2019\u0131n s\u00fctkarde\u015fi\u2026
\nBurgulu, gizemli bir nast olur \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 \u00e7ok ya\u011fmurlu m\u00fccevherlere b\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcnce.
\nSovyet argosuyla dola\u015f\u0131r, ayba\u015f\u0131 h\u00e2lini anlat\u0131rd\u0131 olay yeri polislerine.
\nFotoromanlar\u0131 ve panzer ta\u015flayan bebekleri severdi en \u00e7ok. Ve tarikatlardan kurtar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f hayalleri, Diyarbekir\u2019i: \u00d6teki \u00fclkeyi\u2026<\/p>\n

\u0130zmariti balgaml\u0131 bir adam ge\u00e7ti \u00f6n\u00fcnden. Piramitlerin ve manolyalar\u0131n i\u00e7inden\u2026
\nMahallesinin k\u00f6pekleriyle yat\u0131yordu adam Lalapa\u015fa\u2019da. Somyas\u0131nda dildo, zat\u00fcrre, romatizma.
\nFirariydi Agnostik bir m\u00fcfrezeden. Tecrit edilmi\u015fti her t\u00fcrl\u00fc didaktik \u00e7evreden.
\nYakla\u015ft\u0131 ona, panseks\u00fcalizm arzusuyla.
\nAvrupa \u015feklindeydi adam barakas\u0131nda. \u0130ktidars\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, semptomlar\u0131n ve bulant\u0131lar\u0131n sonunda.
\nHaplansa m\u0131yd\u0131? Cesareti mavzer gibi olmal\u0131yd\u0131.
\nDayad\u0131 sustal\u0131y\u0131 adam\u0131n g\u00f6be\u011findeki kurt yuvas\u0131na.
\nVe emdi onu en sofu taraf\u0131yla. E\u015fk\u0131yal\u0131\u011fa ve K\u0131z\u0131lkilise\u2019ye inanc\u0131 olmayan insanlarla\u2026<\/p>\n

IV<\/strong><\/p>\n

S\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131p kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 pankartl\u0131 kalabal\u0131klar, telk\u00e2ri ustalar\u0131, ak\u00e7akavaklar\u2026
\nCadde kapal\u0131, kamelyalar bo\u015f, Helvac\u0131kaba\u011f\u0131ndaki s\u00fcrt\u00fckler ise ho\u015ftu\u2026 Geyik ve fasulye kokuyordu f\u0131r\u0131nlar\u0131n ard\u0131.
\nYaln\u0131z de\u011fildi. Husye veremine yakalanm\u0131\u015f \u00e7\u00f6p\u00e7\u00fcler ve istavroz \u00e7\u0131karan m\u00fcft\u00fclerle birlikteydi\u2026
\nVarolu\u015f\u00e7u bir d\u00f6l\u00fct toplulu\u011fuydu hepsi. Maldoror okuyup, biyolojik bir y\u0131k\u0131m i\u00e7in f\u0131st\u0131ki selvileri keserlerdi.
\n\u00c7ok u\u011fra\u015ft\u0131 ancak tamamlayamad\u0131 otopsiler i\u00e7in haz\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 armoniyi.
\nPerhizini bozup, lirizme satt\u0131 kendini.
\nUcuzdu: \u00c7avdar, kevgir, k\u00f6sele, fanus fiyat\u0131na; \u015farab\u0131 \u00f6zleyen ne kadar neyzen varsa, hepsinin alt\u0131nda\u2026
\n\u0130yi tan\u0131rd\u0131 Hergele bar\u0131ndaki kesenek\u00e7ileri. \u00c7ar\u0131kl\u0131 erk\u00e2n-\u0131 harpti hepsi. Mazeret \u00fcretir, sava\u015flarda yensin diye puhuku\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 pi\u015firirlerdi.
\nOnlardan biri olabilir miydi? Vazge\u00e7ti. Varl\u0131ks\u0131z ve dengesizdi. Kirli ve le\u015f\u2026
\nKasiyer k\u0131zlara musallat oldu bir s\u00fcre. Biraz radyo piyesi, biraz da Agatha Christie saklam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 menfezlerde.
\nBa\u011fda\u015f kurup oturdu kendini asm\u0131\u015f bir m\u00fcltezimin evinde.
\nV\u00fccuduna abanan yoktu. Otlanm\u0131\u015f ve Mormonla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Herhangi bir e\u015fya \u00fczerinde, herhangi bir iz gibi ya\u015f\u0131yor, giysilerinin yenlerini par\u00e7al\u0131yordu.
\nHerk\u00fcl yap\u0131l\u0131, ink\u0131lap\u00e7\u0131, tecav\u00fcz ve yetimhane ma\u011fduruydu.
\nKimdi sesini \u00f6d\u00fcn\u00e7 verdi\u011fi?
\nTen zevkine kar\u015f\u0131 koyamayan bu takkeli zabit kimdi?
\n\u2018Ben!\u2019 dedi. \u00dc\u00e7 kere, kas\u0131rga (gibi.)
\n\u2018Ben!\u2019, \u2018Ben!\u2019, \u2018Ben!\u2019
\nMumlar\u0131 s\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f evin \u015fi\u015fman kad\u0131n\u0131y\u0131m ben.
\nHani kerli ferli. Besili bir k\u00f6pek (gibi.)
\nZakkum sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m organlar\u0131n\u0131zdaki irili\u011fi.
\nKanserim, soytar\u0131, Soppho (gibi.)\u2026<\/p>\n

V<\/strong><\/p>\n

Teyzesinden kalan bir Divan metniydi danteline i\u015fledi\u011fi.
\nPikenin alt\u0131na girip, \u00f6rtt\u00fc vahametini\u2026
\nGizli miydi? Dokunakl\u0131, endam\u0131 yal\u0131\u00e7apk\u0131n\u0131\u2026
\nRastgele haplar kulland\u0131 hepatitli \u00e7ocuklar k\u00fcmbetleri i\u015fgal edince, darphane mahallesinde, namazg\u00e2h eylemlerinden \u00f6nce.
\nM\u00fcrebbiyeli\u011fe yaz\u0131ld\u0131 sonra.
\nSonra bir bayku\u015f \u00f6tt\u00fc.
\nD\u00f6kt\u00fc di\u015flerindeki alt\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131mlara\u2026<\/p>\n

Yatalak kalsa dinamitleyecekti kendini. Kendi olarak bildi\u011fi o otantik bedeviyi\u2026
\nTerk etti palmiyelerle \u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fc al\u00e7\u0131ta\u015f\u0131 evleri.
\nBa\u011flanmad\u0131 hi\u00e7 kimseye: Kay\u0131klar\u0131n Bakiresi\u2019ne, kilimlere, terliklere, gitar sesine, f\u0131nd\u0131k bah\u00e7elerine\u2026
\nMacbeth\u2019in \u00fc\u00e7 b\u00fcy\u00fcc\u00fcs\u00fcnden biriydi.
\n\u2018Biri\u2019 olmak iyi bir \u015feydi. Lunaparklar ve d\u00fcnebakanlar aras\u0131nda, ku\u015fatma alt\u0131nda\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2018\u2026Sevgilim kara c\u00fcce benim.
\nE\u011frelti otu benim sevgilim\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n

Uyansa g\u00f6recekti deniz a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 \u00fclkeleri. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131ndaki ter kuruyacak, a\u011fr\u0131lar\u0131 dinecekti\u2026
\nUleman\u0131n en g\u00f6rkemli direni\u015fiydi duvarlardaki graffiti:<\/p>\n

\u2018\u2026Sevgilim, Pazar gecesi sokaklar\u0131 gibidir benim.
\n\u00c7\u00fcr\u00fck dal toplar benim sevgilim\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n

VI<\/strong><\/p>\n

K\u00f6r olsa g\u00f6rmek isterdi galaksinin dibini, kad\u0131nlar tuvaletini, i\u00e7inden yeralt\u0131 t\u00fcnelleri ge\u00e7en efemine kentleri\u2026
\nVe Pasifik okyanusunu, tombaz k\u00f6pr\u00fcleri, kavun tarlalar\u0131n\u0131\u2026
\nG\u00f6rmek isterdi Alabros tra\u015fl\u0131 bal\u0131k\u00e7\u0131lar\u0131n afyon pipolar\u0131n\u0131, \u00e7i\u011f kapl\u0131 \u00e7ad\u0131rlar\u0131, toplu konutlar\u0131\u2026
\nDilini telveye de\u011fdirip \u00e7ekti. Sex dans\u0131 ya da karnaval sessizli\u011fi gibi bir \u015feydi hissetti\u011fi.
\nBe\u011fenmedi fincandaki r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131n yelkenleri \u015fi\u015firme bi\u00e7imini.
\nA\u015fk b\u00f6yle bir \u015fey de\u011fildi.
\nBiraz daha e\u011filse, d\u00fc\u015fecekti sanki alazlanm\u0131\u015f \u015fekillerin i\u00e7ine: Enbiya, sanduka, i\u011fde, p\u00fcsk\u00fcl, plasenta, iskemle, s\u00fct, Mevlit, Gudea, kurna\u2026
\nNeydi bu karma\u015fa?
\nNe kadar da \u00e7oktu hayat\u0131n \u00e7\u00f6p\u00fc, pisli\u011fi?
\n\u00d6zlemeli miydi \u0130blise benzeyen \u015fizoid erkekleri?
\nBildi\u011fi herhangi bir anlam\u0131 yoktu. Anlams\u0131zl\u0131k ne uzun bir yoldu. Sobas\u0131 so\u011fuk, teras\u0131 ise bombo\u015ftu\u2026
\nKesek\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131 satacakt\u0131 Kereste soka\u011f\u0131nda. Caz K\u00fcrt\u00e7esiyle dola\u015f\u0131p, gerilim kitaplar\u0131 okuyacakt\u0131 sinema tabelalar\u0131 alt\u0131nda.
\nArasa bulurdu belki, duvarlara c\u00fcmleler dizin o Kompulsif Psikoz ter\u00f6risti:<\/p>\n

\u2018\u2026Sevgilim, s\u00fcfli ve esriktir benim.
\nYarasalarla birle\u015fir tavan aras\u0131nda. Nehir kokusu \u00e7eker ci\u011ferlerindeki \u00e7amura kelebek bulutlar\u0131 da\u011f\u0131l\u0131nca\u2026
\nSevgilim, g\u00f6lgelikli bir kumluktur benim\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n

VII<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hangi kasvete ait bu h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc daram?
\nUzakta m\u0131 \u015fimdi onu delili\u011fine g\u00f6t\u00fcren g\u00f6kku\u015fa\u011f\u0131 \u00e7ocuklar\u0131?
\nOpera Fidelio\u2019yu and\u0131r\u0131yordu \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131rken att\u0131\u011f\u0131 kahkahan\u0131n yank\u0131s\u0131.
\nVe Ay\u2019\u0131n i\u00e7indeki \u00e7am a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131, Hemingway kitaplar\u0131\u2026
\nAnlatsa rahatlayacakt\u0131 Bask diyar\u0131na nas\u0131l ka\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131. Devlet gelmi\u015f ve basm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 b\u00fct\u00fcn romanlar\u0131. Karag\u00f6z yasaklanm\u0131\u015f, \u2018Hayali\u2019 kendini asm\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u2026
\nBu y\u00fczden karanl\u0131kt\u0131 g\u00fcn boyu Goethe b\u00fcst\u00fc yontan f\u0131skiyeli ve serg\u00fcze\u015ft yazarlar\u0131n kelamlar\u0131. Ve telgraftaki t\u0131k\u0131rt\u0131, Balat \u00e7at\u0131lar\u0131, zarafet y\u0131llar\u0131\u2026
\nKa\u00e7 y\u0131l kald\u0131 s\u00fcrg\u00fcnde hat\u0131rlam\u0131yordu. Kayg\u0131n\u0131n en kuzey noktas\u0131nda dola\u015fm\u0131\u015f, pencere camlar\u0131ndan sak\u0131z kaz\u0131yarak ya\u015fam\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u2026
\nDoksan iki eyl\u00fcl\u00fcnde d\u00f6nd\u00fc yuvas\u0131na. Petrol rahiyal\u0131 bir havay\u0131 soluya soluya.
\nBir yer bulmak zorundayd\u0131 kendine. \u00c7imden yap\u0131lma bir kul\u00fcbe belki de\u2026
\nSalon insan\u0131 olmak i\u00e7in \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131ran, sevi\u015fmek, beylik laflar etmek, esnemek, gev\u015femek, t\u00fck\u00fcrmek, be\u011fenilmek, y\u00fcceltilmek i\u00e7in \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131ran elitizm ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131lar\u0131ndan, kremal\u0131 puf ve j\u00f6leli pastalardan uzakta bir yer\u2026
\nKimseye yana\u015famayaca\u011f\u0131 kadar utanaca\u011f\u0131, sadece felaket \u015fark\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131, \u00e7imento fabrikalar\u0131na, bal\u0131k\u00e7\u0131 kasabalar\u0131na, Cizvit okullar\u0131na, garajlara, \u015feftali, kurtlar\u0131na yak\u0131n bir yer\u2026
\n(De\u011fi\u015fti belki de zaman\u0131n \u015fekli. Teni \u00fcz\u00fcm kadar kahverengiydi. Ku\u015f yiyebilen yusuf\u00e7uklar ve orman k\u00f6pekleriyle i\u00e7 i\u00e7eydi.
\nPo\u015fusunu tak\u0131p zafer i\u015fareti yapacakt\u0131 ki vazge\u00e7ti. \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck, b\u00fct\u00fcn betimlemelerin d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda, \u015fivesi, rengi, g\u00f6lgesi olmayan bir \u015feydi.
\nAyaklar\u0131n\u0131 iki sark\u0131k dil gibi uzat\u0131p bekledi.
\nKahvesine rom ve muskat kat\u0131yor, ha\u00e7 ve ot sat\u0131yor, Tarkovsky filmleri ve demir yolu pasosu biriktiriyordu.
\nMutlak, kay\u0131ts\u0131z bir y\u0131lg\u0131nl\u0131kla terbiye ediyordu bedenini. Kanserin en do\u011fal, en ac\u0131l\u0131, en kad\u0131ns\u0131 halini sorgusuzca b\u00fcy\u00fct\u00fcyor, kendini muazzam bir zevkle t\u00fcketiyordu.
\nBo\u011fuk, geni\u015f bir nota \u00fcfledi sokaktan ge\u00e7en biri. O bir cehennem kedisiydi. Klarnetini bir y\u0131lan\u0131 besler gibi sahiplenmi\u015f, eski bir K\u0131z\u0131lderili harabesini ate\u015fe verip \u00fcnlenmi\u015fti\u2026
\n\u2026\u00d6yle sessiz, \u00f6yle evcildi i\u015fte herkesten saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131 somon rengi \u015fehri\u2026<\/p>\n

VIII<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00c7izik bir plak gibi duruyordu ya\u015fam \u00f6n\u00fcnde ard\u0131nda.
\n\u00d6n\u00fcnde ard\u0131nda ne varsa\u2026 :Do\u011funun tu\u011fla duvarlar\u0131, y\u00fck gemilerinden \u00e7al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f yataklar, k\u0131l testeresi, mandalina bah\u00e7eleri\u2026
\nSadece \u00e7alg\u0131c\u0131lar \u00e7ekerdi ilgisini. Sahip oldu\u011fu en g\u00fczel \u015fey g\u00f6bek deli\u011fine kadar uzanan sezaryen izinin oldu\u011fu yerdi.
\nAbart\u0131l\u0131 bir sayg\u0131 duyard\u0131 sandaletli ve yar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131plak do\u011fa insanlar\u0131na. K\u0131t\u0131r bir kozayd\u0131 sanki. Ya\u015fl\u0131 bir krupiye. Ya da sabah \u00e7iyi, yol e\u011flencesi\u2026
\nGen\u00e7 bir tokmak\u00e7\u0131s\u0131 vard\u0131 bir zaman. Giydirme cepheli binalar\u0131n resimlerini yapar, g\u00fcne\u015f \u00e7illerine tapard\u0131.
\n\u0130kon olsa en fazla Schopenhauer\u2019a benzerdi. Ta\u015f olsa nem salar, mor olsa sonsuza dek ya\u015fayabilece\u011fi aziz tepeler hayal ederdi.
\nSahi hangi g\u00fcndeydi?
\nPer\u015fembe\u2026
\nEvet, evet Per\u015fembe\u2026
\nHi\u00e7bir \u015fey hat\u0131rlam\u0131yordu. B\u00fct\u00fcn gece klozete sar\u0131l\u0131p uyumu\u015ftu.
\nKa\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 parmaklar\u0131yla \u0131slat\u0131p d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Her \u015feyi an\u0131nda isteyen, asla esnemeyen ve asla bo\u015falmayan bir grup madrabaz\u0131n yan\u0131ndan ge\u00e7ip, su kulelerini, al\u00fcminyum hangarlar\u0131, tuhafiye d\u00fckk\u00e2nlar\u0131n\u0131, lokantalar\u0131, manavlar\u0131 ve sex shoplar\u0131 dola\u015f\u0131p k\u0131z\u0131\u015ft\u0131.
\nK\u0131z\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131nda transa girerdi a\u011fz\u0131. Ve kendinden usan\u0131r, uzakla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131.
\nTers y\u00f6ne giden bir k\u0131za laf att\u0131 aniden. Lezbiyenlikten de\u011fil, onu \u00f6ld\u00fcrme hissiydi i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7en\u2026
\nDe\u011fi\u015fmiyordu asla hayat\u0131n y\u00fczleri. Rutubetli odalar kadar g\u00fczeldi Paserisli kad\u0131nlar\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fck ve sefil memeleri\u2026
\nBir \u015feyler emmeli, bir \u015feyler denemeliydi: Pastil, \u00f6ks\u00fcr\u00fck \u015furubu, Benzedrin, Marihuana, ta\u00e7 yapra\u011f\u0131 ve grup sex gibi bir \u015feyler\u2026
\nD\u00fcnyan\u0131n sonunu, evde yeti\u015ftirilmi\u015f s\u00f6mek otunu, derisini Tarantula \u0131s\u0131rm\u0131\u015f hem\u015fireleri, bilardo \u00e7etelerini, korkun\u00e7 mezarl\u0131k kentlerini merak ediyor ve bilmedi\u011fi bir \u015farampolde dans ederek y\u00fcr\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n

\u2018Ah koklay\u0131n insanlar\u0131.
\nOnlar\u0131n koltuk altlar\u0131n\u0131 ve kas\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131\u2026
\nSis tayflar\u0131n\u0131 mesela. S\u00fcslemeli pupalar\u0131, Adem\u2019i emziren Bali halk\u0131n\u0131, muz da\u011flar\u0131n\u0131\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n

Yaz pusu gibi bir \u015feydi \u00fczerine bast\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0131slak ve yap\u0131\u015fkan itki.
\nKabile b\u00fcy\u00fcc\u00fclerine \u00f6zenmi\u015f, le\u015f ya da tala\u015f\u0131 and\u0131ran bir kokuyla doldurmu\u015ftu sutyenini.
\nUnuttu i\u015femeyi. Salyas\u0131, a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131, idrar\u0131, s\u0131v\u0131s\u0131\u2026 Hepsi ama hepsi uzun ince ve tuhaf bir veciz gibiydi.
\nErkek olsa bileycide \u00e7\u0131rak kal\u0131r, \u00e7ift\u00e7i arabalar\u0131nda ya\u015fard\u0131.
\nVaktiydi belki de. Verdi\u2019yi b\u0131rak\u0131p, Ha\u00e7 yoluna sapt\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n

IX<\/strong><\/p>\n

Eski zamanlard\u0131. Ger\u00e7ekle hayalin birle\u015fti\u011fi yerde, an\u2019da kald\u0131.
\nYoktu hen\u00fcz \u00d6klit\u00e7ilerin mant\u0131\u011f\u0131. Ve \u00e7al\u0131lar\u0131n dikenli yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131, domates kasalar\u0131, \u0130ran rak\u0131s\u0131\u2026
\n\u00d6p\u00fclesi bir gece kelebe\u011fiydi. Ya da k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t hamuru, g\u00fcve yeni\u011fi\u2026
\n\u00d6ylesine bir \u015feydi i\u015fte. Kalde milletinden, menek\u015felerden, \u00fcnlemlerden\u2026
\nAniden \u015fi\u015fen dev sineklere, steplere ya da g\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f rezervlerine benzeyen ve s\u00fcrekli frijidle\u015fen bir yan\u0131 vard\u0131.
\nFazla kontroll\u00fc, fazla pembe bir kad\u0131nd\u0131.
\nTa\u015f savaklar \u00fczerinde ya\u015f\u0131yor ve cemaat adlar\u0131 ezberleyip sevilmek i\u00e7in Kamikaze y\u0131ld\u0131zlar\u0131na yakar\u0131yordu.
\nNe g\u00fczeldi mehtab\u0131n \u00f6b\u00fcr taraf\u0131, asfalt kenarlar\u0131, da\u011f pansiyonlar\u0131\u2026
\nB\u00fcy\u00fck burga\u00e7l\u0131 bir kas\u0131rgan\u0131n ortas\u0131ndayd\u0131: Magma okyanusunda: \u00dctopia\u2026
\nMe\u015fe pelidi s\u00fcrd\u00fc aln\u0131na \u015eeria ovas\u0131nda.
\nUyand\u0131 Lidya\u2019da, L\u00fcbnan\u2019da\u2026
\nYumu\u015fakt\u0131. Sakin, \u00e7at\u0131s\u0131z\u2026
\nG\u00f6\u011fs\u00fc \u00f6ks\u00fcr\u00fck ve balgamla, a\u011fz\u0131 ise t\u00fck\u00fcr\u00fck ve k\u00f6p\u00fckle doluydu.
\nHangi erke\u011fe d\u00f6vmeliydi y\u00fcz\u00fc bilmiyordu.
\nDuda\u011f\u0131ndaki incir kurumu\u015f, s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131 b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00e7er\u00e7evelerden kovulmu\u015ftu\u2026<\/p>\n

X<\/strong><\/p>\n

Islanm\u0131\u015f, la\u011f\u0131mla\u015fm\u0131\u015f ve a\u011flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. En sevdi\u011fi s\u0131v\u0131s\u0131yd\u0131 g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131\u2026
\nMidesini parmaklay\u0131p, kusmukla doldurdu yata\u011f\u0131ndaki ceset torbas\u0131n\u0131.
\nVe katran a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131, dibine siroz bula\u015fm\u0131\u015f k\u0131r\u0131k d\u00f6k\u00fck bardaklar\u0131; insan\u0131n oldu\u011fu her yeri, pahal\u0131 tabaklar\u0131, c\u00fcn\u00fcp \u00e7ocuklar\u0131, medrese duvarlar\u0131n\u0131\u2026
\n\u2026
\nKalkt\u0131. Kalbini yoklay\u0131p a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 doz Lasix ald\u0131.
\nAc\u0131ya verdi\u011fi en son \u015fey buydu: Polensi bir tortu. Ya da yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f yorumu, Kardiyak psikozu\u2026
\nYorgun muydu?
\nBlues ya da Jump s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131na benzer bir \u015feydi nefesindeki darl\u0131k h\u00e2li: Yeralt\u0131 m\u00fczi\u011fi, saksafon sesi\u2026
\nMotifsiz, cazibesiz, hezeyan dolu bir bo\u015fluktu tutundu\u011fu: Devinimsizli\u011fin duygusu. Ya da Ortodoks lodosu, \u00f6l\u00fcm kokusu\u2026
\nBa\u011fr\u0131na hi\u00e7bir bitkiyi basmayan bir toprakt\u0131 sanki bedeni. Ayaklar\u0131 \u015fi\u015fmi\u015f, \u00e7enesindeki salya ise b\u00f6ceklenmi\u015fti.
\nBir \u015feyler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnse oyalan\u0131rd\u0131 belki de. Al\u0131\u015fk\u0131n de\u011fildi zihnine \u00e7arpan ku\u015f s\u00fcr\u00fclerine.
\nBarakalarda oynanan Meksika vodvillerini d\u00fc\u015fledi \u00f6nce.
\nSonra saz daml\u0131 kul\u00fcbeleri, motel sar\u0131\u015f\u0131nlar\u0131n\u0131, bambu \u00e7ad\u0131rlar\u0131\u2026
\n\u2026
\nK\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131, leziz bir \u00e7ay\u0131r \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fi gibi ta\u015f\u0131yordu \u00f6zr\u00fcn\u00fc \u00fczerinde.
\n\u00dczerinde mutfak bitleriyle.
\nI\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yak\u0131p dokundu kendine: Yenge\u00e7 D\u00f6nencesinin ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131 yere.
\nMaya aksan\u0131yla konu\u015fuyordu sanki gece.
\nKim, ne i\u00e7in sanr\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 yine?
\nTorpido botlar\u0131 batm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 belki de bir yerlerde, kime ne!
\nPencereyi a\u00e7\u0131p sarkt\u0131 ge\u00e7mi\u015fin hik\u00e2yesine, berdu\u015f kafelerinde e\u011flenen i\u015f\u00e7ilerin avu\u00e7lar\u0131ndaki hissizli\u011fe\u2026
\nOysa sevmezdi kenar mahalle a\u015fklar\u0131n\u0131, a\u011fz\u0131 fa\u00e7al\u0131 adamlar\u0131.
\nHer biri en k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fcnden sekiz farkl\u0131 ki\u015fili\u011fi vard\u0131.
\nRahminden meyvesi \u00e7al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f kad\u0131nlar\u0131n en g\u00fczeli ve onlar\u0131n peygamberiydi.<\/p>\n

\u2018\u2026Sevgilim, sokaklar\u0131 denize a\u00e7\u0131lan semtler gibidir benim.
\nNihai kentlerin \u2018Roman\u2019 cennetidir benim sevgilim\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2026
\nBiliyordu, gittik\u00e7e k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclecek ve sonunda sadece bir lekeye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fecekti.
\nUzan klapl\u0131 ceketler giyen bisikletli h\u0131rs\u0131zlar\u0131 izledi bir s\u00fcre.
\nKaranl\u0131k ve Devrim, afyonlu ekmek, \u00c7in fenerleri, banliy\u00f6 evleri\u2026 : Tanr\u0131lar\u0131n terk etti\u011fi b\u00fct\u00fcn nesneler, nitelikler: Anlams\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en u\u00e7 noktas\u0131nda, ba\u015fucunda\u2026
\n\u00d6lse, \u00f6zlerdi belki de bacaklar\u0131 \u00e7ubuklar\u0131 and\u0131ran erkek etini, pes ba\u015flay\u0131p tiz biten Angel bestesini\u2026
\nVe Arap mistizmini, muazzam Harran d\u00fczl\u00fcklerini\u2026
\nG\u00f6rg\u00fcs\u00fcz m\u00fcyd\u00fc bilinci? Denetimli bir a\u00e7l\u0131kt\u0131 kendini hapsetti\u011fi ye\u015fil panjurlu hastane deli\u011fi.
\nAsurca terc\u00fcme edilmi\u015fti te\u015fhisi: \u0130ncil\u2019in sahte Babil\u2019i, \u2018Sade\u2019 ve \u2018Lautreamont\u2019 kanseri\u2026<\/p>\n

Tarkan Toka, 2004 Ankara
\nYay\u0131nland\u0131\u011f\u0131 Yurt D\u0131\u015f\u0131 Dergileri: Bien et Fran\u00e7ais, Paris 2005. (Frans\u0131zca \u00e7eviri: Tarkan Toka.), New York Underground, New York 2006 (\u0130ngilizce \u00c7eviri Asl\u0131 Tando\u011fan)<\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I Unuttu \u00e7antas\u0131n\u0131, ne\u015fteriyle, kanseriyle, posta…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":162,"featured_media":9640,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9639"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/162"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9639"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9639\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9639"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9639"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9639"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}