Dilime sard\u0131\u011f\u0131m yastan paslanm\u0131\u015f o kuma\u015f\u0131n dantellerine i\u015fledim diye mi ad\u0131n\u0131, esirgedin benden en muhta\u00e7 oldu\u011fum anda imdad\u0131n\u0131. Oysa nedenlerine kelep\u00e7elenmi\u015f bir akl\u0131n silsilesinde sallan\u0131rken i\u00e7imdeki r\u0131ht\u0131m, per\u00e7inlendik\u00e7e \u00e7imleniyordu bu hayatta edenin bulaca\u011f\u0131na dair inanc\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Gecenin bilmem ka\u00e7\u0131yd\u0131 hat\u0131rlad\u0131m, k\u0131raattayd\u0131m. Hem sonra kalben azap \u00e7eksem de firar eden ruhumu kovalad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in aftan muaft\u0131m. Ununu elemi\u015f ele\u011fini asm\u0131\u015f gence, ihtiyari bir bak\u0131\u015f f\u0131rlatt\u0131m, rahatt\u0131m. Evet bu kez belki biraz att\u0131m, fikrimi zikrin hendesesinde ilerleyen kervana katt\u0131m. Yar\u0131m yamalak d\u00fc\u015flerimle \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m yolun miad\u0131nda kald\u0131m, derinlere dald\u0131m. A\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m enginlere s\u0131\u011fmayan s\u0131\u011f bir \u00e7orakt\u0131m. \u00c7\u0131n \u00e7\u0131n \u00f6ten kubbelerin minaresinde yan gelip yatt\u0131m. Ninnilerle uyuttu\u011fum bez bebe\u011fime cebren ve hile ile yemek yedirmeyi b\u0131rakt\u0131m. G\u00f6zlerinin i\u00e7ine bakt\u0131m ama sormay\u0131n bu k\/arada ne akt\u0131m!<\/p>\n
Y\/araland\u0131m. S\u0131zlad\u0131k\u00e7a ar damar\u0131m daha \u00e7ok az\u0131tt\u0131m. Akl\u0131m be\u015f kar\u0131\u015f havada u\u00e7man\u0131n g\u00fczelli\u011fini tatt\u0131m ve b\u00fct\u00fcn kan\u0131tlar\u0131 bulutlar\u0131n kur\u015funi g\u00f6vdesine kaz\u0131tt\u0131m. K\u00e2l diliyle de\u011fil h\u00e2l diliyle \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcmleyebilece\u011fin bir beng\u00fc yaz\u0131tt\u0131m. A\u00e7t\u0131n, bakt\u0131n ama okumad\u0131n. \u00c7ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n kap\u0131n\u0131n ard\u0131ndaki anahtar\u0131 kendi ellerinle tutup f\u0131rlatt\u0131n. O kadar \u00e7ok \u015fey vard\u0131 ki isyan\u0131 gerekli k\u0131lan ama sen her seferinde her birine ayr\u0131 ayr\u0131 dayand\u0131n. I\u015f\u0131klar yan\u0131p s\u00f6nd\u00fc beyninde, \u00e7alan \u00e7anlar\u0131 kurtulu\u015f m\u00fcjdesi sand\u0131n. D\u0131n d\u0131n d\u0131n…<\/p>\n
Yoklu\u011funda susman\u0131n ehemmiyetine emri vaki bir ikazla ehliyet ald\u0131m. Ehli de\u011fildim sevmelerin, \u00e7oklu\u011fun \u00e7o\u011fulculu\u011fundan da \u00e7o\u011ful eklerinin manay\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftirmeyen ruhsuzlu\u011fundan da usand\u0131m. Bu da gelir ge\u00e7er sand\u0131m. Ben senin d\u00fcnya denen pazarda y\u00fckte hafif pahada a\u011f\u0131r arsand\u0131m. Bu y\u00fczden belki g\u00fcn\u00fcn ge\u00e7er ak\u00e7esini hep ar sand\u0131m.<\/p>\n
\u0130lmek ilmek s\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc dikilmekten didik didik edilen tenim. Ey benim cennet bah\u00e7esi sesinde ser\u00e7eleri raks ettiren velim. Sen, mah\u015feri yang\u0131nlara su serpen ahretli\u011fim; sulara serinlik bah\u015feden g\u00f6nl\u00fcne imrendi\u011fim, ibretli\u011fim! Serdiler \u00f6n\u00fcme d\u00fcnya ziynetlerini: Yakut, elmas, alt\u0131n, sim… Dile benden ne dilersen: Taht, ta\u00e7, \u015f\u00f6hret i\u00e7inde ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131n bir mevsim ve i\u00e7inde bahtiyar pozlar verece\u011fin en g\u00fczel resim…<\/p>\n
Dedim aldanma nefsim k\u00f6\u015fene \u00e7ekil, i\u00e7ine sin. Her \u015feyin ve herkesin o mutlak muammaya y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bu yolda s\u00f6yle ne var ki kesin? B\u00f6yle devam eden istifhamlar dillensin, galebe gelsin.<\/p>\n
Ald\u0131rma, g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc sanan \u00e2malara onlar istedi\u011fini desin. A\u011fz\u0131n, kulaklar\u0131na varman\u0131n sadakas\u0131n\u0131 \u015f\u00fckrederek versin. \u00c2limin ilminden payelenmeyi gaye edinen \u00f6nce kendinden nasiplensin. Zira hayat dedi\u011fin bir k\u00f6rebe ve sen kendini sobeleyen o ebesin.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dilime sard\u0131\u011f\u0131m yastan paslanm\u0131\u015f o kuma\u015f\u0131n…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":125,"featured_media":9550,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9547"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/125"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9547"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9547\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9547"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9547"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9547"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}