Sonra ne bir s\u00f6z kald\u0131 s\u00f6ylenmemi\u015f \u015eeker Han\u0131m, ne bir bak\u0131\u015f kald\u0131 aram\u0131zda masum…<\/p>\n
K\u0131rd\u0131k ikimiz de birbirimizin kalbini. Yerden yere vurduk, sonra duvardan duvara; \u00e7ok seviyorumlarla kand\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131k ikimiz de.<\/p>\n
Nas\u0131l bilmiyorum: ac\u0131yan bir yerlerimiz hep vard\u0131. O sabit a\u011fr\u0131n\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131k belki ikimiz de, belki o a\u011fr\u0131ya d\u00fc\u015fman olana sald\u0131rd\u0131k: sen bana sar\u0131lmad\u0131n, ben seni yok sayd\u0131m<\/p>\n
Sonra \u00f6ld\u00fck. Kavrulup tutu\u015ftu\u011fumuz birbirimiz i\u00e7indi de s\u00f6zde, k\u00fcl olup d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz ba\u015fka tuzlu ve derin sular oldu.<\/p>\n
Haks\u0131zl\u0131k m\u0131?<\/p>\n
En \u00e7ok birbirimizde tamamlad\u0131k o yoksun ve ac\u0131l\u0131 duyguyu…<\/p>\n
Par\u00e7aland\u0131m. \u00d6n\u00fcmde \u00f6temde benden bir zerre iz yoktu. B\u00f6yle hissediyordum. Kendi ellerimle ruhumu, bulup kirli bir toprak; g\u00f6md\u00fcm orac\u0131\u011fa. Ben yapt\u0131m, ben eskittim g\u00f6zlerimi, ben eskittim hislerimi… Zira onca benimleydi a\u015fk, nefret, aptalca bir umut; kontrols\u00fczce hepsinin pe\u015finden gittim. Ac\u0131y\u0131 insan tercih ediyor, bile bile kabul ediyor desek daha do\u011fru asl\u0131nda.<\/p>\n
Zamanla yitip giden ve \u00f6\u011frenilmi\u015f pek bir \u015fey yoktu s\u00f6z konusu duyguysa. Hep ayn\u0131 \u00e7ocukluk vard\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcm\u00fczde. Hep ayn\u0131 aptal\u0131n masumiyeti… Hele \u015fu umut: yeyip bitiriyor sende g\u00fczel kalm\u0131\u015f her bir zerreyi.<\/p>\n
Ben ne ara karartt\u0131m peki g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc b\u00f6yle \u015eeker Han\u0131m? Ne ara bunca sevdim, ne ara r\u00fczg\u00e2rlar\u0131 kanatlar\u0131ma ili\u015ftirip d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm yollara? Ne ara a\u011flamay\u0131 b\u0131rak\u0131p sava\u015fmay\u0131 se\u00e7tim?<\/p>\n
Ne ara ‘seviyorum’ kelimesinin bir \u00f6nemi olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bildim de, s\u00f6ylemeden anlatmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendim?<\/p>\n
B\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fcm galiba. A\u015fk\u0131 da b\u00f6yle derin bildi\u011fime g\u00f6re, b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n
A\u011fr\u0131y\u0131 da sevdi\u011fim kadar sahiplendi\u011fime g\u00f6re, b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n
\u00c7ok ac\u0131tt\u0131m kendimi \u015eeker Han\u0131m, seni de ac\u0131tt\u0131m iyi biliyorum. \u00d6nemsemedim de ac\u0131man\u0131, kendi can\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6nemsemeyen y\u00fcre\u011fini \u00f6nemser mi; \u00f6nemsemez. Mutlu olmay\u0131 istemeyecek kadar ac\u0131ya ve yenilgiye al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f olmak, sevdadan vazge\u00e7mek demek de\u011fil deyip kendi kalbimin bah\u00e7esini yerle bir ettim. Severim ben b\u00f6yle \u015feyleri.<\/p>\n
Severim.<\/p>\n
Seviyorum.<\/p>\n
Sev\u2026<\/p>\n
Sen de sev \u015eeker Han\u0131m. As\u0131l sen sev.<\/p>\n
Sen g\u00fczel sev as\u0131l, gerisini ben hallederim.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sonra ne bir s\u00f6z kald\u0131 s\u00f6ylenmemi\u015f…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":165,"featured_media":9513,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9512"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/165"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9512"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9512\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9512"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9512"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9512"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}