\u2018\u2018Az sonra sokaklar, ard\u0131ndan da g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc kararacak, gece inecek, yaln\u0131zlar\u0131 daha yaln\u0131z, hastalar\u0131 daha hasta k\u0131lmak i\u00e7in\u2026\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
G\u00fcn do\u011fumuna be\u015f varken neden akl\u0131na gelmi\u015fti Tezer \u00d6zl\u00fc\u2019n\u00fcn bu s\u00f6z\u00fc, neden gece de\u011fil de bu saatte?<\/p>\n
\u2018\u2018Az sonra g\u00fcne\u015f do\u011facak, yeni bir g\u00fcn\u00fc ba\u015flatmak, ilk \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fcnyaya g\u00f6ndermek, az da olsa \u0131s\u0131tmak, g\u00fcne umutsuzca son vermi\u015f olanlara yeni bir ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 sunmak ve \u00fcmit olmak i\u00e7in\u2026 Her zaman ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7lar vard\u0131r demek i\u00e7in\u2026\u2019\u2019 i\u00e7inden bunlar ge\u00e7mi\u015fti Tezer \u00d6zl\u00fc\u2019ye nazire edercesine\u2026<\/p>\n
Evet, ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7lar hep vard\u0131, hep var olacak\u2026 Her ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 bir sonun m\u00fcjdecisi midir? Sonlar ne zaman son bulacak yahut illa ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7lar\u0131n sonu olunca m\u0131 olacak ebedi son\u2026 Ya g\u00fcne\u015f, o daha ne kadar do\u011fup batacak, ne zaman yorulacak\u2026 Sahi hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcn m\u00fc Beha! Nas\u0131l oluyor da o karanl\u0131k kendini mavili\u011fe b\u0131rak\u0131yor? Yoksa Orhan Veli\u2019nin Dalgac\u0131 Mahmut\u2019u mu? O mu boyuyor her sabah dersin?..<\/p>\n
Ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7lar, Orhan Veli, Dalgac\u0131 Mahmut, g\u00fcne\u015f\u2026 Ne \u00e7ok \u015fey d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc daha g\u00fcn\u00fcn bu saatinde. \u2018\u2018D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek?\u2019\u2019 bu eylem ne de uzakt\u0131 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131m\u0131z insan\u0131na, ne de \u00e7ok bihaberdi \u00e7a\u011f\u0131m\u0131z insan\u0131 bundan. Ka\u00e7 ki\u015fi kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r sahi, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnen ama \u015f\u00f6yle hakk\u0131yla d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnen, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp konu\u015fan, oturdu mu masaya, konu\u015fmas\u0131ndan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp konu\u015ftu\u011fu anla\u015f\u0131lan\u2026 Zihni, kalabal\u0131kt\u0131, i\u00e7inde; isyan, yorgunluk, karamsarl\u0131k, \u00fcmitsizlik\u2026 \u2018\u2018Nerden de bula\u015ft\u0131k biz \u015fu \u00fcmitsizli\u011fe can\u0131m!\u2019\u2019 diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc bu sefer de. Sa\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, solumuz, \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fcz, arkam\u0131z hep \u00fcmitsizlik. Peki ya \u015fu her \u015feye isyan\u0131m\u0131z! \u00c7ocuk oyuncak ister al\u0131nmaz; isyan eder, \u00f6\u011frenci istedi\u011fi notu alamaz; isyan eder, delikanl\u0131lar ve gen\u00e7 k\u0131zlar gece d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmak ister, izin \u00e7\u0131kmaz; isyan ederler, baba evine ekmek g\u00f6t\u00fcremez; isy\u2026 Ha! Orada dur arkada\u015f, eve ekmek g\u00f6t\u00fcrememek nedir bilir misin, bilemezsin. Bak i\u015fte bu hakl\u0131 isyan! Desene isyan\u0131n hakl\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 da bilen ka\u00e7 ki\u015fiyiz ki \u015furada? Azal\u0131yoruz, yitiriyoruz, t\u00fckeniyoruz, t\u00fcketiyoruz\u2026 Hatta biraz biraz deliriyoruz, yok yok baya baya deliriyoruz.<\/p>\n
Ceketini al\u0131p \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131, gidecek bir yeri, yapacak bir i\u015fi yoktu. Caddeler, sokaklar, kald\u0131r\u0131mlar, banklar; hepsi gidebilece\u011fi yerler aras\u0131ndayd\u0131, hangisi daha cezbedici ise gidece\u011fi yer oras\u0131 olurdu. \u0130\u00e7indeki ses susmuyordu, daima d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordu, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcr\u00fcyordu. Ne zamand\u0131r vard\u0131r bu ses? \u2018\u2018Susturmak gerek namussuzu, yoksa \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131rtacak beni\u2026\u2019\u2019 diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. \u0130nsan nas\u0131l \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131r peki Beha?<\/p>\n
Naz\u0131m Hikmet geldi akl\u0131na:
\n\u2018\u2018\u0130nsan \u00f6lece\u011fini bile bile nas\u0131l ya\u015far?
\nYa \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131r ya da \u00f6lece\u011fini unutur\u2026\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
\u00d6l\u00fcm\u00fc unuttu\u011fumuz yok ise\u2026 Hepimiz birer \u00e7\u0131lg\u0131n\u0131z desene Beha, bu hayat\u0131 ya\u015fayabilecek kadar \u00e7\u0131lg\u0131n hem de\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2018\u2018Kalabal\u0131klar susturur bu namussuzu!\u2019\u2019 dedi ve geni\u015f kalabal\u0131klara \u00e7\u0131kan ilk ara soka\u011fa dald\u0131. En son ka\u00e7 g\u00fcn \u00f6nce karn\u0131n\u0131 doyuracak kadar bir \u015feyler yemi\u015fti hat\u0131rlam\u0131yordu. \u2018\u2018\u015eu yemek yemek de neyin nesi can\u0131m, her \u00f6\u011f\u00fcn i\u00e7in bir hap olsa her \u015fey mis!\u2019\u2019 g\u00fcld\u00fc, ne de \u00e7ok \u015fik\u00e2yet\u00e7iydi her \u015feyden. G\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz insan\u0131 da b\u00f6yle de\u011fil miydi? \u015eik\u00e2yet edecek ne \u00e7ok \u015fey bulur kendine ne \u00e7ok dert edinir yok yere\u2026 B\u00fct\u00fcn bu \u015fik\u00e2yetin, isyan\u0131n, karamsarl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ve \u00fcmitsizli\u011fin hegemonyas\u0131nda ya\u015famay\u0131 ve ya\u015fatmay\u0131 unuttuklar\u0131 geldi akl\u0131na ve ac\u0131d\u0131 insano\u011fluna, ba\u015fta kendisine\u2026 G\u00fclmek, bir arada olmak, g\u00fcvenmek, sevmek, \u00e2\u015f\u0131k olmak, \u00fcmit etmek, ya\u015famak\u2026<\/p>\n
Y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc, y\u00fcr\u00fcrken kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kan her bireyde g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc tek \u015fey yorgunluktu. \u0130\u015ften \u00e7\u0131kanlar, gezmek i\u00e7in kendisini d\u0131\u015far\u0131 atanlar, bir yere yeti\u015fmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fanlar ve kendisi gibi nereye gidece\u011fini bilmeyip ama\u00e7s\u0131zca dola\u015fanlar ile doluydu kald\u0131r\u0131mlar.\u00a0 \u201cHerkesin yeti\u015fmesi, yapmas\u0131 gereken i\u015fler, mutlu etmesi gereken insanlar var, ya senin Beha, senin amac\u0131n ne, varl\u0131k sebebin ne?\u2019\u2019 Durdu, evet bulmu\u015ftu; i\u00e7indeki karma\u015fan\u0131n sebebini, evet kesin buydu; neden var\u0131m sorusunun cevab\u0131n\u0131n bo\u015f k\u00fcme olmas\u0131yd\u0131. Durup d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc, ger\u00e7ekten de neden oldu\u011funu bilmiyordu\u2026 \u2018\u2018Bu ama\u00e7s\u0131zl\u0131k bitirir adam\u0131 be!\u2019\u2019 dedi. Durup dinlenmek ve cevab\u0131n\u0131 bulmak istercesine, sahilde bir banka oturdu. Hem ne demi\u015fti \u015fair: \u2018\u2018\u0130yi gelmez mi hi\u00e7 deniz havas\u0131!\u2019\u2019 o de\u011filse bile \u00f6yle bir \u015feydi. G\u00f6z gezdirdi bir ama\u00e7 u\u011frunda \u00e7abalayanlara; bal\u0131k tutanlara, kitap okuyanlara, spor yapanlara, insanlar\u0131n ard\u0131nda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6pleri temizlemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan belediye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan\u0131na. \u2018\u2018Hakl\u0131 isyan\u2019\u2019 mevzusu geldi akl\u0131na belediye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan\u0131na bak\u0131nca. O temizleyecek, birileri kirletecek sonra tekrar temizlenecek tekrar kirletilecek, ne k\u0131s\u0131r d\u00f6ng\u00fc ama! \u2018\u2018Ne diye katlan\u0131yor bu adam b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlara, ne ama\u00e7 u\u011fruna?\u2019\u2019 Ailesi belki bir ailesi vard\u0131, bakmak zorunda oldu\u011fu \u00e7ocuklar\u0131\u2026 \u2018\u2018Ne y\u00fcce bir ama\u00e7!\u2019\u2019 diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Aile olmak; hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmemi\u015fti, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek istemedi. Zaten babas\u0131n\u0131 ve annesini zihninin bulan\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7erisinde unutmak \u00fczereydi, oraya bula\u015fmak istemedi ya da cesaret edemedi.\u00a0 Sahilde el ele dola\u015fan insanlar dikkatini \u00e7ekti. Ne kadar zaman olmu\u015ftu birine yak\u0131n durmayal\u0131, birinin mutlulu\u011fu i\u00e7in u\u011fra\u015fmayal\u0131, hat\u0131rlam\u0131yordu ama epey olmu\u015ftu, bunu biliyordu. \u015eu an bunu da ama\u00e7 edinemezdi kendisine zira bir kar\u015f\u0131 cins ile konu\u015fmayal\u0131 epey zaman olmu\u015ftu zaten kendini ifade edebilmeyi unutmu\u015f say\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131. \u2018\u2018\u00d6nce ama\u00e7 edinmek gerek!\u2019\u2019 diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Ard\u0131ndan \u2018\u2018Ulan! Laf m\u0131 seninki de, \u00f6yle ha deyince ama\u00e7 m\u0131 bulunur\u2019\u2019 diye s\u00f6ylendi. Kar\u015f\u0131 bankta kitap okuyan gencin kitab\u0131na tak\u0131ld\u0131. Pablo Neruda\u2026 Bu \u015fairi hat\u0131rlad\u0131 dahas\u0131 bir \u015fiirini an\u0131msad\u0131 belli belirsiz par\u00e7alar halinde, diyordu ki Neruda:<\/p>\n
\u2018\u2018A\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r \u00f6l\u00fcr yolculu\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kmayanlar,
\nOkumayanlar, m\u00fczik dinlemeyenler,
\nG\u00f6nl\u00fcnde incelik bar\u0131nd\u0131rmayanlar.
\n\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026
\nA\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r \u00f6l\u00fcr \u00f6zsayg\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r yok edenler,
\nKendilerine yard\u0131m edilmesine izin vermeyenler\u2026\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
Kalkt\u0131, birbirini tekrar eden g\u00fcnlerine sitem ederek; y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc, ne yapaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmeyerek\u2026 Ad\u0131mlar\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131kla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131rken kald\u0131r\u0131mda kafas\u0131nda tek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce, tek c\u00fcmle vard\u0131:<\/p>\n
\u2018\u2018Bir ama\u00e7 edinmek gerek\u2026\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u2018\u2018Az sonra sokaklar, ard\u0131ndan da g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":153,"featured_media":9418,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9417"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/153"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9417"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9417\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9417"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9417"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9417"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}