Sonra r\u00fczg\u00e2ra yaslan\u0131p, ya\u011fmura y\u00fcz \u00e7evirece\u011fim deli gibi. Hatta bu sefer s\u00f6ylemek istediklerimi hi\u00e7 duraksamadan hayk\u0131raca\u011f\u0131m. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelere yer vermesine izin vermeyece\u011fim. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc o vakit y\u0131k\u0131lan hayallerden, g\u00fcne\u015fin g\u00fcnd\u00fcz yakamozlar\u0131ndan haberdar olaca\u011f\u0131m. \u00d6zlemeyen bir y\u00fcrek ta\u015f\u0131masam da yumruklar\u0131 duvarlarla hi\u00e7 tan\u0131\u015fmam\u0131\u015f biri olaca\u011f\u0131m. Sessiz durdu\u011fum her vakit geceye eskileri davet etmek yerine gelecekten yar\u0131na umut misafir edece\u011fim. Anlams\u0131z buldu\u011fum t\u00fcm duygular\u0131ma bir isim bulacak, isim vermeden mevsimleri ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131m. Bir eski dostu, eski sevgiliyi, eski hisleri, eskiyecek her \u015feye inat miras b\u0131rak\u0131lan an\u0131lar\u0131 hep taze tutaca\u011f\u0131m. Tek bir ya\u015fama hakk\u0131m olsa da yine \u00e2\u015f\u0131k olacak ve ad\u0131n\u0131 seni ya\u015famak koyaca\u011f\u0131m. Beni silmeden \u00f6nce hayat, sonras\u0131nda zaman\u0131 unutaca\u011f\u0131m. Ne bir \u015fark\u0131n\u0131n s\u00f6zlerine ne de bir e\u015fyan\u0131n s\u00f6ylemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131na kulak asaca\u011f\u0131m. <\/p>\n
Sonra, ka\u00e7man\u0131n s\u00f6zl\u00fck anlam\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131\u011f\u0131nmak olarak kabullenip yeni bir g\u00fcne, yeni ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7lara hatta yeni ac\u0131lara sa\u011fanak olaca\u011f\u0131m. Bahsettikleri kadar k\u0131sa olan hayat\u0131 ya\u015famazsam da, bir gurur kadar uzun olmayaca\u011f\u0131m. Ta ki yerimi keskin bir \u00e7aresizlik sarana kadar bir ihtimal olup yar\u0131nlar i\u00e7in g\u00f6z kapaklar\u0131 hafifletece\u011fim. Bekleyi\u015flerin her zaman var oldu\u011funu bildi\u011fim i\u00e7in ad\u0131ma \u00e7evrilen t\u00fcm fincanlar\u0131 kapal\u0131 b\u0131rakaca\u011f\u0131m. B\u0131rakmak fiilinin anlam\u0131n\u0131, bu kenti tek bir bavulla terk etti\u011fim zaman en iyi ben bilece\u011fim. Belki bir yere ula\u015fma amac\u0131 olmadan bata \u00e7\u0131ka y\u00fcr\u00fcyece\u011fim. Belki de toplanmay\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden da\u011f\u0131laca\u011f\u0131m. G\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc kalamasam da g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc olacak ve g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc duraca\u011f\u0131m. Kaybedece\u011fimi bilip, sahip oldu\u011fumu sanaca\u011f\u0131m. Herkes gibi yaln\u0131zl\u0131ktan \u015fik\u00e2yet edip hi\u00e7 kimse gibi kendime sar\u0131larak donaca\u011f\u0131m. Bu sefer \u00f6mr\u00fcn gidi\u015fini mumlarla s\u00fcslenmi\u015f bir pastadan daha fazlas\u0131 ile u\u011furlay\u0131p, zaman\u0131n ayna ile arama girmesine izin verece\u011fim. 19 ya\u015f\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015fay\u0131p ya\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131m sorgusundan vazge\u00e7ip sonunu bildi\u011fim masallar\u0131 tekrar tekrar dinleyip \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumu azat edece\u011fim. Ruhun bile bedene ait olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilsem de, tek bir bedeni iki ruhun payla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 unutacak, gidenlere sitem etmeyece\u011fim. Ve son kez yoktan geldi\u011fimi hat\u0131rlay\u0131p hep yoklar\u0131n var oldu\u011funu bilerek ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131m…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sonra r\u00fczg\u00e2ra yaslan\u0131p, ya\u011fmura y\u00fcz \u00e7evirece\u011fim…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":78,"featured_media":9320,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9319"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/78"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9319"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9319\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}