Uzun ve yorucu bir senenin daha geride kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir yaz ak\u015fam\u0131 akl\u0131mdaki. T\u00fcm hastalar\u0131m\u0131n bitti\u011fi, kafamdaki sonsuz girdaba d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fen yap\u0131lacak i\u015f ve endi\u015fe listesinin sonuna imza att\u0131\u011f\u0131m saatler… Her g\u00fcn yeniden yeniden art\u0131k dayanam\u0131yorum, yapmayaca\u011f\u0131m deyip ak\u015fam vizitiyle kokusunu i\u00e7ime \u00e7ekti\u011fim bebeklerimin bana kendilerini affettirdikleri, annelerimin evlatlar\u0131n\u0131 sonsuz bir hu\u015fu i\u00e7inde emzirirken y\u00fczlerindeki d\u00fcnyadan kopuk huzur ve g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyi g\u00f6rerek devam solu\u011fu ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m vizit sonras\u0131 dinginli\u011fi ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m… G\u00fcn i\u00e7inde say\u0131s\u0131z ayak seslerinin, bazen iniltilerin yank\u0131land\u0131\u011f\u0131 koridorlar bombo\u015f ve sakin o ak\u015fam da. \u00c7\u00f6k\u00fcp kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m masama. Evdeki evlatlar, e\u015fim huzurlu anne g\u00f6rmek isterlerdi kap\u0131dan girince bilirdim. Evet, i\u015fte tam zaman\u0131yd\u0131, onlara hak ettikleri hediyeyi vermemin.
\n Bu co\u015fkuyla elim bilgisayar\u0131n tu\u015flar\u0131nda gezinirken buldum arad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131. Bu seneki yaz tatili i\u015fte bu dedim g\u00f6zlerim parlayarak. Ekranda beliren s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z mavilik, arka fondaki arkeolojik kal\u0131tlar b\u00fcy\u00fcleyici geldi g\u00f6z\u00fcme. Bende insan evlad\u0131yd\u0131m sonu\u00e7ta, denizin mavili\u011finin serinli\u011fini ayaku\u00e7lar\u0131mda hissedivermi\u015ftim i\u015fte o anda. \u00c7ok dayan\u0131lmaz bir davetle d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden, dan\u0131\u015fmadan rezervasyonu yapt\u0131rd\u0131m gitti bu seneki tatil rotam\u0131za. Dimdik kalkt\u0131m aya\u011fa b\u00fct\u00fcn yorgunlu\u011fumu ceket gibi s\u0131y\u0131r\u0131p sandalyenin \u00fczerine b\u0131rakarak, dimdik, s\u0131cac\u0131k bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyle. Bu seneki rotam\u0131z Samos adas\u0131 i\u015fte, tam yol ileri diye f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131m kendime \u00e7ocuk sevinciyle. Mesle\u011fimin ve insanlar\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn girdab\u0131n\u0131 geride b\u0131rakaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131n kocaman bir yan\u0131lg\u0131s\u0131yla…
\n \u201cE bu da nereden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131?\u201d dedi e\u015fim, \u201cAnne orada wifi vard\u0131r de\u011fil mi?\u201d diye sordu o\u011fullar\u0131m. Ayn\u0131 co\u015fkuyu g\u00f6rememe biraz i\u00e7imi burksa da kararl\u0131yd\u0131m, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrmeyecektim hevesimi. \u0130lerleyen haz\u0131rl\u0131k g\u00fcnlerinde onlarda al\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bu fikre \u00e7ok benimsemeseler de. Bir ipin ucuna as\u0131l\u0131p \u00e7eker gibi zorlanarak geriye \u00e7ekti\u011fim g\u00fcnler bitip, deniz tutmas\u0131, sivrisinek, ye\u015filliklerde kullan\u0131lacak ast\u0131m ila\u00e7lar\u0131 valize yerle\u015ftirildi\u011finde onlar benden daha hevesliydiler yola \u00e7\u0131kmak i\u00e7in. Durmamacas\u0131na \u00e7ocuk ne\u015fesiyle tekrarl\u0131yordum i\u00e7imden \u201cBu bir hafta i\u015f yok, hasta, hastal\u0131k yok, hele insanlar hi\u00e7 yok\u201d diye mant\u0131ra gibi dilimde.
\n Ku\u015fadas\u0131\u2019na gitti\u011fimizde yay\u0131l\u0131p yatas\u0131 olan ergenlerim ve babalar\u0131n\u0131n son \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131\u015flar\u0131na bir kez daha maruz kalsam da bu k\u00fclt\u00fcr turunu \u00e7ocuklar\u0131na bor\u00e7 bilmi\u015f bir anne edas\u0131yla y\u00fcz vermedim yalvar\u0131\u015flar\u0131na. Gemiye bindiklerinde y\u00fczlerinde benim heyecan diye g\u00f6rmek istedi\u011fim teslimiyet nas\u0131lda iyi gelmi\u015fti y\u00fcre\u011fime. Anneydim i\u015fte, en iyisini yapacakt\u0131m evlatlar\u0131ma onlar fark etmese de. Yakla\u015f\u0131k bir bu\u00e7uk saat s\u00fcren pek de hayalimdeki kadar konforlu ve b\u00fcy\u00fcleyici olmayan mavi feribot yolculu\u011fu sonras\u0131 ilaca ra\u011fmen y\u00fczleri deniz tutmas\u0131ndan \u00e7arp\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ergenlerimle karaya basman\u0131n rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015fad\u0131k. Bundan sonras\u0131 ayn\u0131yd\u0131, gerginlik kalkt\u0131 omuzlar\u0131mdan. Rutin herkesin her sene y\u0131l boyunca \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131p hayalini kurdu\u011fu, g\u00fcn sayd\u0131\u011f\u0131 ama yemek deniz, otel ve bazen de k\u00fclt\u00fcr turlar\u0131ndan ibaret hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131klar\u0131 ile ruhlar\u0131n\u0131 iyile\u015ftirmek niyetiyle ba\u015flanan ve seneye asla ayn\u0131 hatalar\u0131n yap\u0131lmayaca\u011f\u0131na t\u00f6vbe edilen tatiller. Sevda gibi hem kah\u0131rl\u0131 hem g\u00fczel…
\n San\u0131r\u0131m bu s\u0131radanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ikinci g\u00fcn\u00fcnde g\u00f6rd\u00fcm oray\u0131, Samos tap\u0131na\u011f\u0131. \u0130lk g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde insana ihti\u015faml\u0131 bir harabe g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fc veren, yak\u0131ndan bak\u0131ld\u0131k\u00e7a zarafetine her an daha fazla hayran b\u0131rakt\u0131ran tap\u0131nak. Her yerinde elle tutulamayan ama solunabilen bir ruh hissetmi\u015ftim gezerken. Hatta suna\u011f\u0131n arkas\u0131ndaki kap\u0131 kal\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 bir etek k\u0131vr\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcme yemin bile edebilirdim bir an. Tura kat\u0131lan herkes rehberin anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 mitolojik masallarla r\u00fcya g\u00f6r\u00fcrken ben oradaki tek uyumayan insan gibi hissettim kendimi. Suna\u011f\u0131n yan\u0131na \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fcm kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n gerisinde kal\u0131p, oradayd\u0131 i\u015fte g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum yerdeki k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck kan g\u00f6l\u00fcn\u00fc. Basmamak i\u00e7in \u00fczerinden atlamak i\u00e7in aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131mda o\u011flum ani bir kavray\u0131\u015fla tuttu kolumdan \u201cBa\u015f\u0131n m\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fc anne?\u201d Cevap vermek i\u00e7in yeri i\u015faret etti\u011fimde kan yoktu. \u201cYok annem, yorgunluktan ya da g\u00fcne\u015ften herhalde\u201d diye ge\u00e7i\u015ftirdim ama ben bile endi\u015felenmi\u015ftim kendi halimden.
\n Yemek yiyemedim o ak\u015fam \u00e7ok. \u015eikayetlendi herkes sessizli\u011fimden. Kafamda \u00e7evirip duruyordum k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131y\u0131, \u015fiddetini ve en \u00e7okta ger\u00e7ek d\u0131\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131. Kan, etek k\u0131vr\u0131m\u0131, hepsi k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131, hi\u00e7biri yok. Bu b\u00f6yle olmayacak diye s\u00f6ylenerek erken girdim yata\u011f\u0131ma. Denizin uzaktan gelen dalga sesleriyle bir s\u00fcre sonra dalabilmi\u015ftim san\u0131r\u0131m uykuya. Etraftaki sesler kesilip ay iyiden iyiye denizle cilvele\u015firken yakamoz ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131ld\u0131yordu odan\u0131n duvarlar\u0131nda o i\u00e7eri girdi\u011finde. Sanki onu bekliyor gibi g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc a\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131m bende. \u00c7ok g\u00fczeldi, nefes kesecek kadar, g\u00fczel s\u0131fat\u0131ndaki her \u015feyini utanaca\u011f\u0131 kadar g\u00fczel. Aydan bile daha parlakt\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fc ve sa\u00e7lar\u0131 k\u00f6m\u00fcr karas\u0131, bukle bukle iniyordu beline. O k\u0131vr\u0131m\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm muhte\u015fem k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 elbise d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcyordu v\u00fccudunun her santiminden. Y\u00fcr\u00fcrken ondan ayr\u0131 dans ediyordu sanki bedeni, her uzvu. \u0130ncecik bilekleri, parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131nda yakla\u015ft\u0131 yata\u011fa. Elini uzatt\u0131 bana hi\u00e7 konu\u015fmadan. Dudaklar\u0131 k\u0131m\u0131ldam\u0131yordu ama avaz\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadar ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131yordu, gel diye, gel ve izle. S\u00f6yledi\u011fi hi\u00e7bir \u015fey dudaklar\u0131ndan ses olarak \u00e7\u0131km\u0131yor ama direkt beynimde yank\u0131lan\u0131yordu. B\u00fcy\u00fclenmi\u015f gibi tak\u0131ld\u0131m pe\u015fine o g\u00fczelli\u011fin yan\u0131nda \u015fortlu pijamamdan ve kad\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan utanarak. Beni g\u00f6rm\u00fcyor gibiydi zaten. Tek derdi g\u00f6rmek de\u011fil bana g\u00f6stermekti. Tap\u0131nakta buldu\u011fumuzda kendimizi anlad\u0131m kim oldu\u011funu, Hera. G\u00fczel tanr\u0131\u00e7a Hera… Ba\u015fka kim olabilirdi? Ondan sonra olanlar zihnimde deprem yaratan bir ayindi. Sunakta, yakla\u015f\u0131k iki bu\u00e7uk metre uzunlu\u011funda bir platformda yatan erke\u011fi fark ettim sonra. Ay \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131yla ve me\u015falelerden yans\u0131yan \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n g\u00f6lgesiyle \u00e7ok yak\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnen bir erkek, uzanm\u0131\u015f yat\u0131yordu. G\u00f6zleri Hera\u2019ya bak\u0131yor, ba\u015fka hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi g\u00f6rm\u00fcyor gibiydi, adeta yalvar\u0131yordu. O kad\u0131n asil y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyle dikildi platformun ba\u015f\u0131na, erke\u011fin kendisine sundu\u011fu bedene dokundu parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131yla. Bir anda avu\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ene ald\u0131 ruhunu, bir z\u0131rh gibi giyindi o ruhu \u00fczerine. Karn\u0131 \u015fi\u015fmeye ba\u015flad\u0131 sonra, fark ettim dakikalar i\u00e7inde gebeydi. Zaman kavram\u0131 yitmi\u015fti benli\u011fimde ve g\u00fczel Hera yine dakikalar i\u00e7inde do\u011furdu g\u00fczelli\u011finden zerre kaybetmeden ve benim yard\u0131m\u0131ma ihtiya\u00e7 duymadan. Bebe\u011fi kuca\u011f\u0131na ald\u0131 koydu kenara. Ve d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakmad\u0131 bile adama. Adam\u0131n rengi soldu, bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131 dondu. Aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131, do\u011fruldu. Ayn\u0131yd\u0131 ama art\u0131k farkl\u0131yd\u0131. \u201cO art\u0131k fani oldu\u201d dedi beynime. \u201cGit\u201d dedi adama, \u00f6lene kadar ya\u015fa. Ruhu elinden al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f adam kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131 kalabal\u0131klara. Ayn\u0131 seremoni \u00fc\u00e7 kez tekrarland\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcnde, her seferinde Hera v\u00fccuduna katt\u0131\u011f\u0131 ruhlarla ve do\u011furdu\u011fu \u00e7ocuklarla daha kutsalla\u015f\u0131yor ve ula\u015f\u0131lmaz oluyor ancak sunaktan kalk\u0131p kalabal\u0131\u011fa kar\u0131\u015fan adamlar bir daha kendileri gibi olam\u0131yordu.
\n Deh\u015fete d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc beni bu ihtiras ve bencillik. G\u00fczelli\u011fi ayaklar\u0131m\u0131 ba\u011flasa da gitmek i\u00e7in arkam\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde sesini duydum yine. \u201cDur\u201d dedi son seferini g\u00f6rmedin, sonumu, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcm\u00fc. \u201cSen, dedim \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fcz de\u011fil misin?\u201d Art\u0131k de\u011fil dedi, bu seferden sonra de\u011fil. Arkam\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde sunakta bir adam yat\u0131yordu yine, hayranl\u0131kla g\u00f6zlerini dikmi\u015f Hera\u2019ya. Lakin bu defa Hera da ona ayn\u0131 hayranl\u0131kla bakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ruhunu almak i\u00e7in elini uzatt\u0131. Kapatt\u0131 sonra, anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, k\u0131yamad\u0131. Kapal\u0131 avu\u00e7lar\u0131yla diz \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc suna\u011f\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131na. Adam kalkt\u0131 bu defa. Sanki seremoni tersine d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Adam elini uzatt\u0131 Hera\u2019ya o da k\u0131yamad\u0131. Ve kad\u0131n elbisesinin i\u00e7inden z\u00fcmr\u00fct bir kama \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 aniden. Ne yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlamadan saplad\u0131 v\u00fccuduna. Kan i\u015fte oradayd\u0131, eteklerinin k\u0131vr\u0131m\u0131n\u0131n, k\u0131vr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bedeninin yan\u0131nda. \u00d6l\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc sundu avu\u00e7lar\u0131yla adama. Son nefesini verirken eliyle yollad\u0131 Zeus\u2019u Olimpos\u2019a. \u00d6l\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn g\u00fcc\u00fc ve lanetiyle…
\n Zeus dimdik, onurlu, ruh dolu y\u00fcr\u00fcyordu \u015fimdi Olimpos\u2019a do\u011fru ay \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131nda. Hera g\u00fczelli\u011fiyle art\u0131k sadece masallarda…
\n \u201cHaydi uykucu tembel\u201d diye seslenen e\u015fimin sesiyle a\u00e7t\u0131m g\u00f6zlerimi, \u00e7arp\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 zor raptediyordum kalbimin. Kuruyan dilim dama\u011f\u0131mla kendime gelmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken arkas\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 ellerini. Bak g\u00fczellik sana ne ald\u0131m bu geceki yemek i\u00e7in. E\u015fimin bana uzatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 k\u0131vr\u0131ml\u0131 elbiseyle art\u0131k b\u0131rakt\u0131m zaman\u0131n ve d\u00fcnyan\u0131n ger\u00e7eklerini, Zeus ve Hera\u2019n\u0131n do\u011fmam\u0131\u015f bebeklerine a\u011flad\u0131m uzun uzun.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Uzun ve yorucu bir senenin daha…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":169,"featured_media":9256,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9255"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/169"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9255"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9255\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9255"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9255"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9255"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}