\u2026 Al\u0131n, g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcn beni istedi\u011fim o bilinmeyenler \u00fclkesine! Aln\u0131m kanlar i\u00e7inde kendimden ge\u00e7ip, bir ba\u015fkas\u0131 olabileyim, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn e\u015fi\u011finde.<\/p>\n
Titrek dalgalarda kendi sessizli\u011fini biriktiren, kocaman denizin orta yerinde tatl\u0131 su ile ac\u0131 su aras\u0131ndaki ince t\u00fcl\u00fcn \u00fcrpertisini teselli eden, tek g\u00f6zl\u00fc bir korsan kadar c\u00fcr\u00fcmleyim hayatta.
\n\u0130syan bayra\u011f\u0131m, kavgal\u0131 gemilerin en \u00fccras\u0131na \u00e7ekili, san\u0131r\u0131m bu kara son menzilim. Yeminlerim nafile, gelece\u011fe dair d\u00fc\u015flerimi nar k\u0131z\u0131l\u0131 sulara sald\u0131m veya \u00e7\u00f6l sar\u0131s\u0131 y\u00fcre\u011fine…
\nKurumu\u015f duda\u011f\u0131ma tutunup dile gelecek son kelimeleri, bir be\u015fikte nehre sal\u0131p size do\u011fru g\u00f6nderdim, san\u0131r\u0131m bir daha geri d\u00f6nmeyece\u011fiz. Ne bal\u0131kt\u0131r ufka dikili g\u00f6zlerim, ne de yaln\u0131z u\u00e7an mart\u0131n\u0131n kanad\u0131nda, yan\u0131k kumru ezgisidir sesim… Y\u00fcre\u011fim ki en insani yan\u0131m. Yed-i deryan\u0131n u\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131z koynunda bir ba\u015f\u0131nay\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Kim salard\u0131 da her sabah g\u00fcne\u015fi denizin y\u00fcz\u00fcne, haberim olmazd\u0131. Ya ne demeliydim, geceleri denize konan ku\u015f sesli ay \u015favk\u0131na..? Bir g\u00fcn nank\u00f6rl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm beni bir kuytuda bo\u011fup, bal\u0131klara kurban sunacak ama. Elimdeki fener, yolumu ayd\u0131nlatmaya yeter san\u0131rd\u0131m, heyhat… Nafile. Mehtap inatta yine, y\u0131ld\u0131zlar uykuda, fecrin \u00fcst\u00fcnde kaba karas\u0131yla bir aba. Olsun, denizde \u00f6lmemeye ne \u00e7aba?
\nEy, ihanet mucidi \u00c7in! Bug\u00fcn otuz yedinci g\u00fcn, y\u0131k\u0131las\u0131 seddini y\u00fcre\u011fime s\u0131\u011fd\u0131ramad\u0131n m\u0131 h\u00e2l\u00e2?<\/p>\n
Yola koyuldum, ama ilerlemek ne m\u00fcmk\u00fcn… Kara dalgalar ak dalgalar\u0131 d\u00f6vende, akl\u0131mda hi\u00e7 de eskimemi\u015f g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn halleri, y\u00fcre\u011fimde tarifsiz sevda \u015fiirleri\u2026 Usand\u0131m art\u0131k yabanc\u0131 gibi ya\u015fanmaktan, herkes kendine giderken ben hep denize yolda\u015fken\u2026 Ve bal\u0131klar\u0131m; her biri ismet incisi; deryada olsa da isyan, nedense Yunus\u2019a idi b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00f6zlem.<\/p>\n
Bu nas\u0131l gecedir; g\u00f6kler kapkara, bulutlar kat be kat… Ay b\u00f6\u011fr\u00fcme gizlenmi\u015f, g\u00f6kte kay\u0131p y\u0131ld\u0131zlar, Ninova’n\u0131n \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 m\u0131 yak\u0131lmay\u0131 unuttu, nedir bitmeyen hicr\u00e2n? Her kura \u00e7ekili\u015fi, edep k\u00f6lesi bir bak\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, efendisinden ka\u00e7an. Kura; Kay\u0131kta mumya, y\u00fcz\u00fcmde patlayan \u015famar. Unutmu\u015fum, dua olmazsa ne \u00f6nemim var; sessizce a\u015fka terk etti beni ke\u015fmeke\u015f bu h\u00e2l. Dilimde, \u015f\u00fcphesiz ki ben zalimlerdenim, nidas\u0131. Kolayd\u0131r Rabbime elbette, hem bal\u0131\u011fa hem geceye hem denize h\u00fck\u00fcm s\u00fcrmesi.<\/p>\n
Bal\u0131k m\u0131y\u0131m ben, y\u00fcre\u011fim sana neden bu kadar \u00e7ok benziyor her a\u011flay\u0131\u015f\u0131mda, annem?<\/p>\n
Bu denizdir, evimiz de\u011fil ki kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k b\u0131rak\u0131p gidiyorsun her zaman. En kolay \u00f6nce ellerini g\u00f6r\u00fcr insan, bir i\u015ften sonra pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duyarken. Ben de ellerime bakt\u0131m ilkin, hesap sorarcas\u0131na.
\nNeden kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015flard\u0131 ki denizin..? Bal\u0131klar o denizden su i\u00e7erlerdi h\u00e2lbuki her daim.<\/p>\n
Olur ya bir g\u00fcn \u00f6l\u00fcrse bal\u0131klar, deniz anlams\u0131z olur; g\u00fcls\u00fcz g\u00fclistan gibi, ceylans\u0131z orman gibi\u2026\u00a0 Kula\u011f\u0131mda, \u2018\u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc seven kad\u0131nlar g\u00fczeldir\u2019 \u015fark\u0131s\u0131; aya\u011f\u0131m tuzlu cam k\u0131r\u0131\u011f\u0131nda deniz suyu nefesi ve hat\u0131ramda eksilmezdi; \u2018 ver cenneti al elmay\u0131\u2019 hat\u0131ras\u0131. Neden hi\u00e7 dilimden eksik olmuyor ki annemin \u2018\u00f6lenin dostu olmaz\u2019 son havadisi..?<\/p>\n
Kalple se\u00e7mek g\u00f6zle se\u00e7mekten daha kolayd\u0131, \u00e7ok ge\u00e7 \u00f6\u011frendim; mu\u015ftu gelirken, tufan\u0131ndan kalan son bal\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u00f6lmedi\u011fini… Yoksa Nuh Nebi, hi\u00e7 bindirmemi\u015f miydi gemiye? Cams\u0131z m\u0131 kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 eskici d\u00fckk\u00e2n\u0131? Yoksa b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar cennetten d\u00fc\u015fme bir elmadan \u0131s\u0131r\u0131k m\u0131yd\u0131? \u00d6len bendim de haberim mi yoktu..?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u2026 Al\u0131n, g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcn beni istedi\u011fim o…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":8867,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8866"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/28"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8866"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8866\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8866"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8866"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8866"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}