Birdenbire olup bitti hepsi. Yaln\u0131zlar sofras\u0131nda ba\u015fk\u00f6\u015fedesin. Nas\u0131l oldu da k\u00f6rle\u015fti insanlar s\u0131cak bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131na? Heyecanla i\u00e7inde k\u00f6p\u00fck k\u00f6p\u00fck kabaran c\u00fcmlelerin, kenetlenmi\u015f di\u015flerine \u00e7arp\u0131p durmakta. Kulaklar\u0131n\u0131 t\u0131kam\u0131\u015f t\u00fcm \u015fehir; hayallerine, \u015fiirlerine tahamm\u00fcl\u00fc yok. En \u00e7ok da \u00e7aresizli\u011fine…\u00a0 Sabahlar\u0131 ismini lanetle and\u0131klar\u0131n, ak\u015famlar\u0131 kalbinde s\u0131r\u0131ls\u0131klam bir \u00f6zleme d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor. Yak\u0131yor. Her gece \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 kapat\u0131p perdeyi a\u00e7\u0131yorsun. Zihnindeki tozlu makara d\u00f6nmeye ba\u015fl\u0131yor. Her gece ba\u015fka bir \u201cbeklemek\u201d filmi kirli cam\u0131n arkas\u0131nda… G\u00fcn do\u011fuyor, perdeler kapan\u0131yor. G\u00fcn\u00fcn ilk sigaras\u0131, birka\u00e7 k\u00fcf\u00fcr t\u00fct\u00fcn aromal\u0131 diline kuruluyor.<\/p>\n
Ya\u015famay\u0131 hi\u00e7 istemedi\u011fin gri bir \u015fehirde, s\u0131\u011f hayatlar \u00e7emberinin boyutsuz bir noktas\u0131s\u0131n. Kahven bardakta so\u011fuyor. Ekran\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda, dondurulmu\u015f yemekler yiyorsun. Ama daima a\u00e7s\u0131n. Kursa\u011f\u0131nda kalan t\u00fcm hevesler i\u00e7inde kara delikler oyuyor. Kitaplara s\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131yorsun bazen. \u00c7o\u011fu yar\u0131m kal\u0131yor. Bo\u015funa u\u011fra\u015fma! Kelimelere ihtiyac\u0131n yok. Bir \u00e7ift g\u00f6z, okuman gereken. Ba\u015fka bir ruhun g\u00f6z bebe\u011finin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndaki yans\u0131mas\u0131… Aynan\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda ge\u00e7irdi\u011fin saatler faydas\u0131z. S\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n s\u00fcrekli kendinle u\u011fra\u015fmandan besleniyor. Bir ba\u015fkas\u0131na dokunmak kendinden kurtulmakt\u0131r. Daha \u00f6nce hissedilmemi\u015f bir s\u0131cakl\u0131k eritebilir birikmi\u015f yalanlar\u0131n\u0131 ancak.<\/p>\n
Hadi kalk! \u00c7\u0131kar \u00e7elloyu kutudan. Gergin tellerden kaos dolu bir melodi oday\u0131 doldursun. Kafandaki \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 sustur. G\u00f6zlerini kapa. Karanl\u0131kta parlayan bir kap\u0131 gibi ruhun zihninde belirsin. Serbest b\u0131rak onu. G\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f kordon uzad\u0131k\u00e7a uzas\u0131n. \u0130\u015fte b\u00f6yle! Bak! \u00d6zg\u00fcrs\u00fcn. Hayalini kurdu\u011fun uzaklara gidebilirsin. Sessizce izliyorum seni. Y\u0131ld\u0131zlara basa basa gecenin \u00fczerinden ge\u00e7iyorsun. Bedeninden uzakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a hafifliyorsun. A\u015fa\u011f\u0131da bir \u015fehir dolusu yabanc\u0131l\u0131k… Plastik oyuncaklar\u0131 and\u0131r\u0131yor evler. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00e7at\u0131 kat\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcne \u00e7arp\u0131yor. \u0130\u00e7eri s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcyorsun. Bir kedi, tozlu kitaplar, pencerede akan kalabal\u0131k cadde… \u015ea\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131kla h\u00fcz\u00fcn kar\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131 e\u011freti bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmseme var dudaklar\u0131nda.<\/p>\n
Nas\u0131l bir \u00e7\u0131kmaz bu b\u00f6yle! Yaln\u0131zl\u0131k, hayalinde bile eliyle koymu\u015f gibi buluveriyor seni. Nas\u0131l olur da istemeden bu kadar yaln\u0131zla\u015f\u0131r insan? Ne korkuttu ruhunu bu kadar? Neden ba\u015fka bir insan\u0131n\u00a0 hayali bile korkutuyor seni? \u00a0Gereksiz sorular soruyorum. \u00d6z\u00fcr dilerim. \u0130ncitmenin yolu hep ayn\u0131, oysa herkes farkl\u0131 incinir. Ac\u0131lar\u0131 k\u0131yaslamak en b\u00fcy\u00fck\u00a0 ahlaks\u0131zl\u0131kt\u0131r. Senin su\u00e7un de\u011fil. A\u011flama. Hayat i\u015fte, insafs\u0131z\u0131n cenneti… Senin su\u00e7un de\u011fil, biliyorsun.<\/p>\n
\u201cKimileri yaln\u0131z kal\u0131r, kimileri yaln\u0131zl\u0131k olur.\u201d<\/p>\n
A\u011flama.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Birdenbire olup bitti hepsi. Yaln\u0131zlar sofras\u0131nda…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":8740,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8739"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/20"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8739"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8739\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8739"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8739"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8739"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}