\u201cG\u00f6zleri denizin derin yerleriyle s\u0131\u011f yerleri aras\u0131ndaki maviliktedir i\u015fte!\u201d Nilg\u00fcn Marmara<\/p>\n
Kazanmak ya da kaybetmek gibi bir amac\u0131 yoktur \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn, iyi oynayamayan\u0131n kazanamad\u0131\u011f\u0131, vazge\u00e7mi\u015fin d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fc berbat bir yan\u0131lsaman\u0131n kuyusudur asl\u0131nda…<\/p>\n
Ya\u015fam oyununun son perdesidir \u00f6l\u00fcm, hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yoktur, sadece iyi oynamak vard\u0131r, rol\u00fcn\u00fc.<\/p>\n
Sonu\u00e7ta ondan sorulmayacak m\u0131d\u0131r?<\/p>\n
\u00d6l\u00fcmc\u00fcl bir hastal\u0131kt\u0131r ya\u015famak,zehirli bir okalipt\u00fcs, kokusuyla ba\u015f\u0131n d\u00f6ner, k\u00f6t\u00fc bir tat..<\/p>\n
Ya intihar?<\/p>\n
Ya\u015famak gibi bir amac\u0131 olmayanlar\u0131n se\u00e7imi Ak\u0131l tutulmas\u0131n\u0131n d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcms\u00fcz pani\u011fi.<\/p>\n
Bir katilin vicdan s\u0131z\u0131s\u0131 ile i\u00e7in i\u00e7in yakalanmay\u0131 istemesi gibi, intihar eden bir kimsenin \u00f6ld\u00fckten sonra\u00a0 pi\u015fman olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 tahmin edip ince bir ya\u015fam arzusu duymas\u0131 gibi zaafl\u0131 ve tak\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131d\u0131r asl\u0131nda…<\/p>\n
Ya\u015fam denen oyunu asl\u0131nda filler bir arenaya \u00e7evirir, umurlar\u0131nda de\u011fildir a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 da ezilen ceylanlar…<\/p>\n
Ve \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc se\u00e7en \u00f6m\u00fcrler…<\/p>\n
Fillerin sadist paranoyalar\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kan, g\u00f6z g\u00f6z\u00fc g\u00f6rmez bir \u015fizofrenidir, insan ruhuna a\u00e7\u0131lan sava\u015f\u0131n ma\u011flubiyeti ve pes edi\u015fidir i\u015fte<\/p>\n
Kurtulman\u0131n izd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fc intihar<\/p>\n
Ruh \u00e7alkalanmas\u0131<\/p>\n
Ne yapt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 bilmeden paranoyalar\u0131n\u0131n pe\u015finden giderler, oysa hem cinslerine ve kendilerine ihanettir intihar ittikleri ya\u015famlar…<\/p>\n
Fillerin sebep oldu\u011fu taamm\u00fcden cinayettir \u00e7aresizli\u011fin ipe \u00e7ekilmi\u015f hali<\/p>\n
\u00d6l\u00fcms\u00fcz k\u00e2buslar\u0131 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131rlar…<\/p>\n
Nedir bu \u015fairleri \u00f6l\u00fcme g\u00f6t\u00fcren sava\u015f<\/p>\n
Yenilgi ve so\u011fukkanl\u0131l\u0131k,<\/p>\n
29 ya\u015f\u0131mda ve takvim \u015fubat\u0131n 29 unu g\u00f6sterdi\u011fi g\u00fcn intihar edece\u011fim demek ve \u00f6lmeden bir saat \u00f6nce edebi bir makale de\u011ferinde veda mektubu yazabilmek,d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerin dumura u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131 nokta…<\/p>\n
M\u00fcntehir \u015fairlerden bahsediyorum.<\/p>\n
Nilg\u00fcn Marmara,ve Zafer Ekin Karabay…<\/p>\n
Nilg\u00fcn Marmara,<\/p>\n
Sylvia Plath \u015fair Assa wevil\u2019den, Nilg\u00fcn Marmara S.Plath\u2019tan,Zafer Ekin Karabay da<\/p>\n
Nilg\u00fcn Marmara\u2019dan etkilenerek intihar etmi\u015fler…<\/p>\n
\u015e\u00f6yle ki…<\/p>\n
Tarihler 11 \u015eubat 1963\u2019\u00fc g\u00f6steriyordu\u2026<\/p>\n
(6 y\u0131l sonra \u015fair Assia Wevill da t\u0131pk\u0131 Sylvia Plath gibi mutfak gaz\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7arak intihar etti. Tek fark\u0131, Ted Hughes\u2019dan olan d\u00f6rt ya\u015f\u0131ndaki k\u0131z\u0131 Shura\u2019y\u0131 da yan\u0131nda \u00f6l\u00fcme g\u00f6t\u00fcrmesiydi!)<\/p>\n
TEZ KONUSUYDU<\/p>\n
Nilg\u00fcn Marmara\u2019n\u0131n Bo\u011fazi\u00e7i \u00dcniversitesi \u0130ngiliz Dili ve Edebiyat B\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc\u2019ndeki tezi \u015fuydu: \u201cSylvia Plath\u2019\u0131n \u015eairli\u011finin \u0130ntihar\u0131 Ba\u011flam\u0131nda Analizi\u201d\u2026<\/p>\n
Sylvia Plath\u2019\u0131n yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa ve hayata bak\u0131\u015f\u0131 Nilg\u00fcn Marmara\u2019y\u0131 \u00e7ok etkiledi. Yazg\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n ayn\u0131 oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. \u201cBen babam\u0131n yuvarlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131nda kald\u0131m\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Balkan g\u00f6\u00e7meni bir ailenin \u00e7ocu\u011fuydu. \u0130stanbul Moda\u2019l\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>\n
Fikri ve Perihan \u00e7iftinin iki \u00e7ocu\u011fu vard\u0131: Aylin ve Nilg\u00fcn.<\/p>\n
Schubert ninnileriyle, b\u00fcy\u00fck k\u00fct\u00fcphanesi olan bir evde b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc.<\/p>\n
Kad\u0131k\u00f6y Maarif Koleji\u2019nin ele avuca s\u0131\u011fmaz, \u00f6zg\u00fcr ve \u00f6zg\u00fcn k\u0131z\u0131yd\u0131. Solcuydu.<\/p>\n
12 Eyl\u00fcl 1980 darbesi oldu\u011funda Bo\u011fazi\u00e7i \u00dcniversitesi\u2019nde \u00f6\u011frenciydi. \u00dcniversitenin \u201ck\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 salonu\u201dndaki dil, \u015fiir, edebiyat tart\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131 bitmi\u015f; art\u0131k gizli ev toplant\u0131lar\u0131 d\u00f6nemi ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bohem bir hayat ya\u015f\u0131yorlard\u0131.<\/p>\n
\u015eiir yazmaya ba\u015flad\u0131, ama dizelerini kimseye g\u00f6stermedi.<\/p>\n
Ve bir g\u00fcn \u201cHayat\u0131n neresinden d\u00f6nersen kar\u201d dedi ve S.Plath\u2019\u0131n intihar etti\u011fi ya\u015f ve tarihte intihar etti. 29 ya\u015f\u0131nda 29 \u015eubatta…<\/p>\n
Ve arkas\u0131ndan Zafer Ekin Karabay, ayn\u0131 ya\u015f ve tarihte…<\/p>\n
Ve arkas\u0131nda gayet edeb\u00ee bir mektup b\u0131rakarak :<\/p>\n
\u201cHayat\u0131n neresinden d\u00f6n\u00fclse kard\u0131r\u201d dizesi var ya Nilg\u00fcn\u2019\u00fcn, can\u0131m benim, ben ya\u015fam\u0131n neresinden d\u00f6nece\u011fimi \u00e7oktan belirlemi\u015ftim. Nilg\u00fcn Marmara\u2019n\u0131n 29 ya\u015f\u0131nda, S. Plath\u2019in \u015fubat ay\u0131nda intihar etmesi, benim de 29. ya\u015f\u0131m\u0131n 29 \u015eubat\u0131nda intihar etmemi gerektirmezdi. Ama mademki ya\u015famda kalmaya kendimi ikna edemiyordum, o zaman bir tarih belirlemeliydim ve 29. ya\u015f\u0131m\u0131n 29 \u015eubat\u0131n\u0131 se\u00e7tim. Bu y\u00fczden \u2018\u015fubatta saklamba\u00e7\u2019a bir y\u0131\u011f\u0131n ba\u015fka s\u0131rla birlikte intihar edece\u011fim tarihi de gizlemi\u015ftim. Ne var ki, kitab\u0131m\u0131 bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc bast\u0131ramad\u0131m (o kitab\u0131 g\u00f6rmeden \u00f6lmek bana nas\u0131l ac\u0131 veriyor bilemezsiniz). Ama \u015fimdi ama \u015fimdi ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n bu ayr\u0131m noktas\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir yerde huzur bulamad\u0131\u011f\u0131ma g\u00f6re bu tarihi bekleyecek g\u00fcc\u00fcm de kalmad\u0131. Hem zebercet de belirledi\u011fi tarihten \u00f6nce intihar etmemi\u015f miydi? (kim bilir belki kendimle bar\u0131\u015fabilseydim\u2026)<\/p>\n
yerle\u015fik yabanc\u0131yd\u0131m her yere metin abi\u2026 Sen yanarak \u00f6ld\u00fcn ve ben ne yang\u0131nlar ge\u00e7irdim sana ula\u015fabilmek i\u00e7in.<\/p>\n
Daha ne kadar dayanabilirdim, herkesin bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131 pahas\u0131na mutlu oldu\u011fu ya\u015fama?<\/p>\n
T\u00fcm arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 ve sevgilim meral\u2019i \u00e7ok seviyorum.<\/p>\n
Beni affedin.<\/p>\n
Bu mektubun \u00fczerine de \u015f\u00f6yle bir not d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr Karabay: \u201cBunu k\u00fcl\u2019de yay\u0131nlarsan\u0131z sevinirim. Nas\u0131l sevineceksem? Bu da h\u00e2l\u00e2 ya\u015famak istedi\u011fimi mi g\u00f6steriyor nedir?\u201d<\/p>\n
Mektuptan anla\u015f\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadar\u0131yla ne \u201cHerkesin bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131 pahas\u0131na mutlu oldu\u011fu ya\u015fam\u201dla ne de kendiyle uyu\u015famam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r gen\u00e7 \u015fair. B\u00f6ylece m\u00fcntehir ve maktul \u015fairlerin yan\u0131 s\u0131ra Anayurt Oteli\u2019nin sahibi Zebercet gibi uyumsuzlar\u0131n aras\u0131na kat\u0131lmaya karar verecektir. Ne var ki onlar\u0131n aras\u0131na kat\u0131lmak i\u00e7in intihar etmek yeterli de\u011fildir; yaz\u0131n d\u00fcnyas\u0131n\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n da a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131 da gereklidir. Bu y\u00fczden mektupta derin bir yaz\u0131n d\u00fcnyas\u0131na girme iste\u011fi sezilir sat\u0131r aralar\u0131nda ve mektuba ili\u015ftirilmi\u015f notta; mektubunda \u015fiir kitab\u0131n\u0131 bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc bast\u0131ramad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc s\u00f6ylerken kitab\u0131n bas\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 sevenlerine vasiyet ediyor gibidir; notunda ise mektubunun K\u00fcl\u2019de yay\u0131mlanmas\u0131n\u0131 ister a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a. Yani Karabay sadece intihar\u0131yla yaz\u0131n d\u00fcnyas\u0131nda sonsuz bir hayata yeniden dirilme giri\u015fiminde bulunmu\u015f gibidir bir bak\u0131ma.<\/p>\n
Yazd\u0131klar\u0131mdan ve yaz\u0131lanlardan sonra iki c\u00fcmle d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc dilimden…<\/p>\n
Her \u015feye ra\u011fmen hayat ya\u015famaya de\u011fer<\/p>\n
Can Allah\u2019\u0131n emaneti ise onu ancak sahibi al\u0131r.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Kan Atlas\u0131<\/p>\n
Emel\u2019e<\/p>\n
\u201cBen babam\u0131n yuvarlad\u0131\u011f\u0131<\/p>\n
\u00c7\u0131\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131nda kald\u0131m.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00c7olak m\u0131r\u0131lt\u0131larla d\u00f6vmelenen \u00e7ocuk<\/p>\n
Her g\u00fcn her gece e\u011fer adas\u0131nda,<\/p>\n
G\u00f6z\u00fc a\u011fz\u0131 elinden al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f, yosunlar<\/p>\n
Sarm\u0131\u015f bedenini \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klarken bunu<\/p>\n
Su i\u00e7inde\u2026<\/p>\n
Karada, han\u00e7er suratl\u0131 abinin r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131nda<\/p>\n
U\u00e7ar ad\u0131mlar\u0131.<\/p>\n
Ge\u00e7mi\u015f ilme\u011finde sakl\u0131d\u0131r arzusu<\/p>\n
\u0130\u00e7inden karanl\u0131k, tekrar ve ilen\u00e7<\/p>\n
S\u0131zd\u0131ran hayret ta\u015f\u0131nda…<\/p>\n
Soruyor hat\u0131ras\u0131nda, \u201cS\u0131rt\u0131mda ve<\/p>\n
S\u0131rt\u0131nda gezinen bu \u00fcrperti kim,<\/p>\n
Bir damla s\u00fct yerine bu a\u011fu kim?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ay g\u00f6z\u00fcyle bakmayan kavruk ak\u0131llara<\/p>\n
-Boy atm\u0131\u015f da salg\u0131lar\u0131,<\/p>\n
C\u00fccelmi\u015f sezgileri-<\/p>\n
Bir yan\u0131lg\u0131 rehavetinde debelenenlere\u2026<\/p>\n
Ey, y\u00fczleri<\/p>\n
Bir baba ku\u015f g\u00f6lgesine<\/p>\n
\u00c7ak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olanlar,<\/p>\n
\u00dczg\u00fcn ad\u0131m, ileri mar\u015f!<\/p>\n
Aral\u0131k, 86<\/p>\n
Nilg\u00fcn Marmara<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Bir ba\u015fka d\u00fcnyan\u0131n bekleme salonu gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcyordu d\u00fcnyay\u0131 Nilg\u00fcn Marmara<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Zafer Ekin Karabay\u201d daha ne kadar dayanabilirdim, herkesin bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131 pahas\u0131na mutlu oldu\u011fu ya\u015fama?<\/p>\n
Dedi ve intihar etti.<\/p>\n
YOKLU\u011eUNDA<\/p>\n
Bir yelkenli canland\u0131 g\u00f6zlerimde<\/p>\n
Azg\u0131n denizlerin h\u0131r\u00e7\u0131n dalgalar\u0131nda<\/p>\n
Fayda etmedi \u00e7abas\u0131, mecalsiz \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131\u015flar\u0131n<\/p>\n
S\u00fcr\u00fckledi bir me\u00e7hule amans\u0131z k\u00fcrek \u00e7ekmeler<\/p>\n
Ne r\u00fczg\u00e2r anlatabilir f\u0131rt\u0131nay\u0131<\/p>\n
Nede yelkenli s\u00fcr\u00fckleni\u015fini<\/p>\n
Ne ben anlatabilirim i\u00e7imdeki sensizli\u011fi<\/p>\n
Nede sen anlayabilirsin anlatamad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131<\/p>\n
Eskiden gurbetler vard\u0131<\/p>\n
Hasretler, \u00f6zlemler, sevdalar \u00e7ekilirdi<\/p>\n
Her gidi\u015fin ayr\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131n ard\u0131ndan<\/p>\n
Kan a\u011flard\u0131 y\u00fcrekler, parampar\u00e7a olurdu<\/p>\n
Her hasret \u00e7ekili\u015finde<\/p>\n
Her g\u00fcne\u015fin do\u011fu\u015funda ye\u015feren umutlar<\/p>\n
Kahreder g\u00fcn bat\u0131m\u0131 yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa batarken<\/p>\n
Sabah\u0131 olmayan gecelerin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda<\/p>\n
Sensizli\u011fi sarard\u0131 kollar\u0131m kuca\u011f\u0131mda<\/p>\n
Uzun s\u00fcrmez gafletten uyan\u0131\u015f\u0131m<\/p>\n
Kar\u015f\u0131mda duruyor ger\u00e7ekler, en ac\u0131mas\u0131z haliyle<\/p>\n
Hayaller hayal ama<\/p>\n
Ger\u00e7ekler silinmiyor hayat\u0131mdan<\/p>\n
Ne sen d\u00f6nebildin gitti\u011fin yerlerden<\/p>\n
Ne ben kabullenebildim gidi\u015fini<\/p>\n
Ben mi gurbetteyim, gurbetim i\u00e7imde<\/p>\n
Atamad\u0131m i\u00e7imden kahrolas\u0131 gurbeti<\/p>\n
Hasretin, ate\u015f oldu,ac\u0131 oldu,\u00f6zlemin yakt\u0131 i\u00e7erimi\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cG\u00f6zleri denizin derin yerleriyle s\u0131\u011f yerleri…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":134,"featured_media":8724,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8723"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/134"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8723"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8723\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}