18 Kas\u0131m\u2026 Her \u015feyden ka\u00e7mak istese de ba\u015faram\u0131yor hatta kimi zaman kendisinden bile ka\u00e7\u0131p intihar etmeyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordu Habip.<\/p>\n
\u00d6l\u00fcm dedi ve kendisini s\u0131rt\u00fcst\u00fc b\u0131rakt\u0131 \u00e7imlere, g\u00f6zleri u\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131z g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne anlams\u0131zca bak\u0131yordu. Sahi neydi derdi kendisiyle? Nefret miydi hissetti\u011fi? Ba\u011flanma korkusu mu? Gen\u00e7li\u011finden bu yana inanmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 zaten sevmelere ve bug\u00fcn hakl\u0131 oldu\u011funa bir kez daha inand\u0131 sevmelerin yalan oldu\u011funa. Bo\u015fanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 e\u015finden bir bu\u00e7uk ay s\u00fcren evlilikten sonra bug\u00fcn. \u0130nanmamakta ne de hakl\u0131y\u0131m diye ge\u00e7irdi i\u00e7inden, sevmeler yalan\u2026<\/p>\n
C\u0131l\u0131z da olsa kendisini hissettiren g\u00fcne\u015fin s\u0131cakl\u0131\u011f\u0131 kaybolmu\u015ftu y\u00fcz\u00fcnde, dahas\u0131 kararmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc. Kafas\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131p tekrar bakt\u0131. Bir \u015feyler anormal gibiydi daha \u00f6nce g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc b\u00f6yle g\u00f6rmemi\u015fti. Etraf\u0131na bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda Beyo\u011flu Belediyesi\u2019nin \u00f6n\u00fcndeydi, az \u00f6nce bitmi\u015fti bo\u015fanma davalar\u0131. \u0130nanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n sevgiye \u0131srar edersen sonu bu olur diyordu i\u00e7inden. Ho\u015f kendini tenkit de etmiyordu asl\u0131nda, tam tersi gizliden gizliye bir gurur hissiydi bu \u201cyine hakl\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m, sevmeler yalan\u201d. \u0130ddias\u0131n\u0131 do\u011frulamak isterken bir mahkeme de kendi zihninde kurdu, iddia makam\u0131 edas\u0131yla, hadi ben sevmeye inanm\u0131yor, beceremiyorum, peki e\u015fim,\u00a0 pardon eski e\u015fim? Akli muhakemesi bitti\u011finde ye\u015fil g\u00f6zleriyle kendisine g\u00fclen k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7ocu\u011fu g\u00f6rd\u00fc. \u015ea\u015f\u0131rd\u0131 ve akl\u0131ndan \u015f\u00fcphelendi.<\/p>\n
Zihnini toparlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ama ba\u015faramad\u0131. Neyse ne, hakl\u0131y\u0131m i\u015fte diye ge\u00e7irdi i\u00e7inden. Yalan bu sevmeler, h\u00fckm\u00fc yok. Sevginin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6nemi yok, bu y\u00fczden h\u00fck\u00fcms\u00fcz sevmeler dedi ve bu man\u015fetlik c\u00fcmlesiyle gurur duydu. \u00d6ylesine dalm\u0131\u015f ki kendi hakl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ispat etme d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesine, nerede oldu\u011funu yoku\u015fun kalabal\u0131k olu\u015fundan anlad\u0131. Ca\u011falo\u011flu yoku\u015fu her zamanki gibi yine tela\u015fl\u0131yd\u0131. Hadi can\u0131m sende dedi i\u00e7inden, yoku\u015f tela\u015fl\u0131 m\u0131 olurmu\u015f? \u0130nsanlar\u0131n tela\u015f\u0131 o, dedi\u011finde bu esprisi g\u00fcld\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc onu. G\u00fcl\u00fcmseyerek kafas\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131nda sa\u00e7lar\u0131 alt\u0131n sar\u0131s\u0131 g\u00f6zleri masmavi bir k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011fuyla g\u00f6z g\u00f6ze geldi. Donuk bir edayla bakt\u0131, derinlerden gelen i\u00e7 sesi neler oluyor diye sordu, yan\u0131t\u0131 yoktu tabi, umursamad\u0131. Yoku\u015ftan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 do\u011fru inerken kalabal\u0131\u011fa kayd\u0131 g\u00f6zleri; i\u015f tela\u015f\u0131nda olanlar, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131n elini tutup y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc\u015fe \u00e7\u0131kanlar ve \u00e2\u015f\u0131klar\u2026 Peh! Dedi i\u00e7inden a\u015fkm\u0131\u015f. Kand\u0131rmay\u0131 ne \u00e7ok seviyor insan kendisini ve ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131, d\u00fcnyan\u0131n en sa\u00e7ma \u015feyidir a\u015fk ve sevgi dedi en \u00fcst perdeden.<\/p>\n
Yoku\u015fu yar\u0131lam\u0131\u015f, kalabal\u0131klar i\u00e7erisinde y\u00fcr\u00fcyen aristokrat edas\u0131yla gezerken bir kedi sesi i\u015fitti, uzunca duvar\u0131n hemen dibinde duran bir kedi. Simsiyah sa\u00e7l\u0131 bir o kadar da siyah g\u00f6zl\u00fc \u00e7ocu\u011fun kediyi ok\u015fay\u0131\u015f\u0131na tak\u0131ld\u0131 g\u00f6zleri. Tam o esnada siyah sa\u00e7l\u0131 \u00e7ocuk g\u00f6zlerinden i\u00e7ine ak\u0131yor gibi hissetti. Bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 ka\u00e7\u0131ram\u0131yor, \u00e7ocu\u011fun g\u00f6zlerinin karas\u0131 t\u00fcm bedenini esir al\u0131yordu. \u00d6yle ki t\u00fcm bedeni kararm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 sanki. Sonra \u00e7evresi kararmaya ba\u015flad\u0131, k\u0131m\u0131ldamak istese de milim oynayam\u0131yordu yerinden. Bir \u00e7ift el omuzlar\u0131ndan s\u0131k\u0131ca kavram\u0131\u015f gibiydi, yava\u015f\u00e7a havalan\u0131yordu. O havaland\u0131k\u00e7a g\u00f6z\u00fcnde k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcl\u00fcyordu Ca\u011falo\u011flu Yoku\u015fu, hem k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcl\u00fcyor hem karar\u0131yordu kendisiyle beraber.<\/p>\n
\u0130zledi\u011fi Mumya serisi filmler gibiydi \u015fimdi sahne, insanlar ufalanan kumlar gibi bir bir yok oluyordu o y\u00fckseldik\u00e7e. Art\u0131k t\u00fcm \u0130stanbul, \u00fc\u00e7 nokta d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda kapkaranl\u0131k ve ac\u0131mas\u0131z bir kimyasal sava\u015f \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na sessizdi.<\/p>\n
Korkmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Avaz\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadar ba\u011f\u0131rmak istiyor ama ba\u015faram\u0131yordu. D\u00fcnya siyah bir bilye gibiydi \u015fimdi, karanl\u0131k. G\u00fcne\u015f her zamanki azametiyle sen misin yoksa ben miyim karanl\u0131k dercesine daha da karanl\u0131kt\u0131. Galaksi s\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc sanki, bu g\u00f6zlemi nas\u0131l yapabildi\u011fine dair sorgulamas\u0131n\u0131 kesmi\u015f, d\u00fcnyan\u0131n ve \u00e2lemin bu haline ac\u0131maya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. B\u00fct\u00fcn varl\u0131k \u00e2lemi bir tepsi gibi \u00f6n\u00fcnde ve karanl\u0131kt\u0131 ama \u00fc\u00e7 nokta elmas gibi parl\u0131yordu \u0131\u015f\u0131l \u0131\u015f\u0131l. Bu par\u0131lt\u0131 da neyin nesi derken par\u0131ldayan yerlerin g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fc yak\u0131nla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 kendisine. \u00dc\u00e7 \u00e7ocu\u011fu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc yerlerdi bunlar. \u00dc\u00e7 sevgi ve \u015fefkat dolu masum sevginin temsil edildi\u011fi saray gibi. Allah\u2019\u0131m diye ba\u011f\u0131rmak istedi\u011fi o an m\u00fcthi\u015f bir patlama sesi duydu. Bu k\u0131yamet g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc and\u0131ran sesle beraber, omuzlar\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131ca kavrayan el kendisini bulundu\u011fu yerden yery\u00fcz\u00fcne b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bu ne m\u00fcthi\u015f bir korku, fezadan yere do\u011fru d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor, ba\u011f\u0131ram\u0131yor ve \u00f6lece\u011fi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi g\u00fcve gibi kemiriyordu beynini. Yere yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kendisine hat\u0131rlatan \u00fc\u00e7 noktadan yans\u0131yan keskin \u0131\u015f\u0131k huzmeleriydi. Birazdan par\u00e7alan\u0131p \u00f6lecekti. D\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fc yer ye\u015filliklerle \u00e7evrili bir yerdi ama bunun ona faydas\u0131 olmayacakt\u0131. O da ne! D\u00fc\u015fece\u011fi nokta belliydi ve orada biri uzanm\u0131\u015f yat\u0131yordu. Allah\u2019\u0131m hay\u0131r\u2026<\/p>\n
Yere \u00e7arpmak \u00fczereyken \u00e7ok g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir ses duydu.<\/p>\n
\u201c Sevmeyi yaratmasayd\u0131k, ne \u00e2lemi yarat\u0131rd\u0131k, ne Habip\u2019i \u201c<\/p>\n
Uzand\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7imlerden g\u00f6z\u00fcne vuran g\u00fcne\u015fin etkisiyle mi uyand\u0131 yoksa g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc k\u00e2busu and\u0131ran bu d\u00fc\u015fle mi? \u00c7evresine bak\u0131nd\u0131 \u00f6nce, buras\u0131 uzand\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7imenlikti. \u015eimdi sesler de kula\u011f\u0131na geliyor, normale d\u00f6n\u00fcyordu. \u00c7ocuk k\u0131k\u0131rdamalar\u0131 duydu arkas\u0131ndan. Kafas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7evirip bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, sar\u0131 sa\u00e7l\u0131 mavi g\u00f6zl\u00fc k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011fu, ye\u015fil g\u00f6zl\u00fc erkek arkada\u015f\u0131yla, simsiyah g\u00f6zl\u00fc kuzenine yerde yatan bu adam\u0131 g\u00f6steriyor ve g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Biraz bozuldu \u00f6nce, \u00e7ok sa\u00e7ma g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyorum galiba diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc ve hak verdi \u00e7ocuklara. Kendisi de g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi. O esnada arkas\u0131nda duran \u00e7ocuklar ileride ki arkada\u015flar\u0131na ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201c Habip, bizi bekleeee \u201c\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
18 Kas\u0131m\u2026 Her \u015feyden ka\u00e7mak istese…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8130"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/32"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8130"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8130\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8130"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8130"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8130"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}