Can\u0131m annem. Seni o kadar \u00e7ok \u00f6zledim ki sensizlik g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcme saplanan bir han\u00e7er gibi kanat\u0131yor i\u00e7imi. Can\u0131m yan\u0131yor hi\u00e7 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadar. Sanki yery\u00fcz\u00fcndeki b\u00fct\u00fcn ac\u0131lar bir karabasan gibi \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f \u00fczerime, bast\u0131rd\u0131k\u00e7a bast\u0131r\u0131yor g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs kafesime. Sensizli\u011fi ba\u011f\u0131rmak istiyorum ama bo\u011faz\u0131m \u00f6yle bir d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmleniyor ki o an, nefessiz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 hissediyorum. \u00d6lmek ne garip \u015feymi\u015f anne! Anneler \u00f6l\u00fcnce daha bir garip oluyormu\u015f \u00f6l\u00fcm denen \u015fey. \u00d6l\u00fcm\u00fcn so\u011fuk y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc senin buz gibi bedenini \u00f6perken g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Senden sonra \u00f6l\u00fcm k\u0131m\u0131l, bir k\u0131ym\u0131k gibi bat\u0131yor beynime. Sensizli\u011fi a\u011flayarak hayk\u0131rmak istiyorum bazen. \u00c7o\u011fu zaman g\u00f6zlerim dolu dolu her an ya\u011fmaya haz\u0131r bir bulut gibi. \u0130stiyorum ki a\u011flas\u0131n g\u00f6zlerim, ya\u011fs\u0131n mezar\u0131na g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m bir nisan ya\u011fmuru gibi. G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131mla a\u00e7s\u0131n kabrinde \u00e7i\u00e7ekler. Her gece belki r\u00fcyama gelirsin diye bekliyorum ama gitti\u011fin g\u00fcnden beri gelmedin can\u0131m annem. Yoksa sen \u00f6zlemedin mi beni? Boynuna sar\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131mda beni \u00f6p\u00fcp koklaman\u0131, can\u0131m o\u011flum demeni o kadar \u00e7ok \u00f6zledim ki ke\u015fke bir kere bile olsa r\u00fcyamda sar\u0131lsan bana. \u00d6psen koklasan yine, ben de can\u0131m annecim deyip o g\u00fczel yanaklar\u0131ndan s\u0131ksam. Sonra , sonra cennet kokunu i\u00e7ime \u00e7eksem doyas\u0131ya ve m\u00fcbarek elini \u00f6p\u00fcp ba\u015f\u0131ma ta\u00e7 yapsam.<\/p>\n
Ah annecim, sen yokken her \u015fey \u00e7ok daha zor oluyor. \u00c7ok yoruldum art\u0131k. Y\u00fcre\u011fimin y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fc ta\u015f\u0131yamaz oldu dizlerim. Dizlerimdeki bu dermans\u0131zl\u0131k ya\u015f\u0131mdan ya da hasta olu\u015fumdan de\u011fil be annem, sensiz olu\u015fumdan. Bu da\u011fda\u011fal\u0131 d\u00fcnya hayat\u0131nda oradan oraya savrulup giderken, dinlenebilmek i\u00e7in senin dizlerinde her \u015feyimi verirdim. Havalar so\u011fudu ama bedenimden \u00e7ok ruhum \u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor annecim, s\u00f6zlerinin s\u0131cakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ar\u0131yor y\u00fcre\u011fim.<\/p>\n
Sensiz hayat nas\u0131l da ak\u0131p gidiyor, zaman hi\u00e7 ge\u00e7mezken! Sen gittikten sonra i\u00e7imi kanat\u0131rcas\u0131na ge\u00e7iyor g\u00fcnler. Her g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcn ard\u0131nda sensizli\u011fin ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 duyuyorum yorgun y\u00fcre\u011fimde. Bir Kerbela ya\u015f\u0131yorum sanki. En g\u00fczel duygular\u0131m sensizlik \u00e7\u00f6l\u00fcnde susuz kald\u0131 annem. Hayallerimin, umutlar\u0131m\u0131n bir bir vurdular ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131. Ne Dicle ne de F\u0131rat \u00e7are olamaz susuzlu\u011fuma. Kevser havuzunun ba\u015f\u0131nda, senin elinden i\u00e7ece\u011fim bir tas su ye\u015fertir ancak ruhumu. Can\u0131m annecim, hissiyat\u0131m\u0131, \u00f6zlemimi yazmaya ne \u00f6mr\u00fcm yeter ne de kelimeler. Seni anlatmaya, sensizli\u011fi anlatmaya hangi kelimeler terc\u00fcman olabilir ki zaten! Ke\u015fke kalbimin dili olsa da anlatsa. K\u0131r\u0131k d\u00f6k\u00fck c\u00fcmlelerimi nezdinde kabul et annecim. Seni Rabbimin merhametine ve el emin olan Peygamber Efendimiz\u2019 e emanet ediyorum. Ne mutlu bana ki \u015fehit evlad\u0131y\u0131m.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Can\u0131m annem. Seni o kadar \u00e7ok…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":98,"featured_media":8585,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8114"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/98"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8114"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8114\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8114"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8114"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8114"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}