Kap\u0131y\u0131 yava\u015fca kapatt\u0131m. Ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 i\u00e7eri ald\u0131m. Sessizce terliklerimi giyip \u00fcst\u00fcm\u00fc de\u011fi\u015ftirmek i\u00e7in yatak odas\u0131na ge\u00e7tim. Ev \u00e7ok sessizdi ve \u00e7ok sessiz hareket ediyordum. \u00c7ocuklardan kalma bir hareketti bu. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc eve her geldi\u011fim de onlar uyuyor oluyorlard\u0131. Bu y\u00fczden s\u00fcrekli sessiz ve temkinliydim. Ama \u015fimdi onlar yoktu tatile gitmi\u015flerdi. Haftasonumu de\u011ferlendirip kafam\u0131 dinleyecektim. Il\u0131k bir du\u015f ald\u0131m. Dolapta kalan yeme\u011fi \u0131s\u0131t\u0131p yedikten sonra kendimi oturma odas\u0131na att\u0131m. Elim kumandaya gitti bir ka\u00e7 kanala g\u00f6z gezdirdim. Haber kanallar\u0131, sa\u00e7ma sapan tv programlar\u0131 istila etmi\u015fti televizyonu. \u0130yice can\u0131m s\u0131k\u0131lmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Omuzlar\u0131m iyice yere d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Ayaklar\u0131m\u0131 s\u00fcrte s\u00fcrte yatak odas\u0131na do\u011fru gitmeye ba\u015flad\u0131m o arada kolum kap\u0131n\u0131n sa\u011f taraf\u0131nda bulunan dolaba \u00e7arpt\u0131 ve dolab\u0131n \u00fcst raf\u0131ndan kitap d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc \u00f6n\u00fcme. Annem okumaya merakl\u0131 biriydi, bu y\u00fczden evde s\u00fcrekli yeni kitaplar olmas\u0131 bizim i\u00e7in standart bir durumdu. Yere e\u011fildim, kitab\u0131 al\u0131p elimin \u00fcst\u00fcn de evirip \u00e7evirdim. \u0130sminden belliydi farkl\u0131 bir \u015feye benzedi\u011fi.Belki k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir ka\u00e7amak yap\u0131p bu kitab\u0131 okuyabilirdim. Elimde kitap odaya geldim. \u00dcst\u00fcnde ince italik yaz\u0131yla \u201c\u0130NSANI \u0130NSANDA ARAMAK\u201d yaz\u0131yordu. \u00dc\u00e7 sat\u0131rl\u0131k bu kelime neler bar\u0131nd\u0131r\u0131yordu i\u00e7inde\u2026<\/p>\n
Kitab\u0131n ilk sayfas\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131nda Francis Bacon\u2019un s\u00f6z\u00fcyle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131m:
\n\u201cYalanlamak veya reddetmek i\u00e7in de\u011fil, inanmak ve her \u015feyi kabullenmek i\u00e7in de\u011fil, konu\u015fmak ve nutuk \u00e7ekme i\u00e7in de\u011fil, tartmak k\u0131yaslamak ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek i\u00e7in okumal\u0131yd\u0131.\u201d D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek dedim i\u00e7imden, sahi en son ne zaman d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Devam ettim okumaya\u2026
\nSufi k\u00f6y\u00fcn 2-3 km \u00f6tesinde olan tepede tek ba\u015f\u0131na oturmu\u015f uzaklara bak\u0131yordu. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordu. Bir an \u00f6nce hareket etmek gerekiyordu. \u201cD\u00fcn \u00f6ld\u00fc bug\u00fcn can \u00e7eki\u015fiyor yar\u0131n do\u011fmada.\u201d Herkes Sufi\u2019nin mertebelerinden bahsediyordu. D\u00fcnyan\u0131n kirli \u00f6vg\u00fcs\u00fc i\u00e7inde bo\u011fuluyordu Sufi. \u015e\u00f6yle diyordu Bi\u015fri Hafi: \u201c\u00d6lmeye ba\u015fl\u0131yordu \u00f6vg\u00fcden ho\u015flan\u0131nca ruh.\u201d \u00d6lmeye mi ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ruhu Sufi\u2019nin, \u015fu ayakta gezen mezar m\u0131yd\u0131 kalbi? Art\u0131k maddi alemden, mana alemine ge\u00e7me vaktiydi.<\/p>\n
Kalp az\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 haz\u0131rlad\u0131, verdi omzuna \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 yola Sufi. Ne kadar da a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131 kalbinin i\u00e7i, ne kadar da doluydu kalbi.
\nSab\u0131r da vard\u0131 az\u0131\u011f\u0131nda dayanamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerde ona s\u0131\u011f\u0131naca\u011f\u0131. Hakikatin re\u00e7etesiydi sab\u0131r o y\u00fczden hakikati bulmak i\u00e7in sabretmeliydi. Bunlar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken arkadan bir ses i\u015fitti: \u201cSadece susayanlar suyu aramaz. Su da susuzlar\u0131 arar durur\u201d diyordu Mevlana. Evet \u015eemsi ona susam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 onu ar\u0131yordu. Asl\u0131nda kalbi susam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Kalp susay\u0131nca kim durdurabilirdi onu. \u015eems, Mevlana da Rabbini g\u00f6r\u00fcyordu. Ondand\u0131r ki \u201cGitti\u011fim her yerde tanr\u0131lara rastlad\u0131m; kul olmaya bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc raz\u0131 olmayan insanlara. \u0130lk defa bir kula rastlad\u0131m O sensin\u201d dememi\u015fmiydi Mevlanas\u0131na. Demek ki aramak gerekliydi. A\u00e7t\u0131 az\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 Sufi, \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 i\u00e7inden \u00fcmitsizli\u011fini. Rabbine kul olmak ile d\u00fcnyaya kul olmak aras\u0131nda ki ince fark\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 az\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan, devam etti yoluna. Hakk\u0131 bulmal\u0131yd\u0131. Hak ile hal olmal\u0131yd\u0131.
\nBir \u00e7ocuk sesi i\u015fitti. \u00c7ocuk annesinin kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na ge\u00e7mi\u015f konu\u015fuyordu; \u201cBir ayet-i kerime g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Allah-u Teala o ayette kendisine ve sana hizmet ve itaat etmemi emrediyor. Ya benim i\u00e7in Allah-u Teala\u2019ya dua et, sana hizmet ve itaat etmem kolay olsun veya beni serbest b\u0131rak, hep Allah-u Teala\u2019ya ibadet ile me\u015fgul olay\u0131m.\u201d Bunun \u00fczerine annesi: \u201cSeni Allah-u Teala\u2019ya emanet ettim. Kendini O\u2019na ver.\u201d dedi ve Rabbine b\u0131rakt\u0131 Beyaz\u0131t Bistami\u2019yi.
\nY\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc Sufi. Y\u00fcr\u00fcrken d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc, ne kadar hak olmayan d\u00fcnyal\u0131k i\u015fler vard\u0131 az\u0131\u011f\u0131nda\u2026 Hepsi ald\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 belki biraz daha hafifledi ama tam de\u011filildi.Bunlar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken Onu k\u00fct\u00fcphane de g\u00f6rd\u00fc sufi. Belini b\u00fckm\u00fc\u015f elinde kalem bir \u015feyler yaz\u0131yordu. Bunu al\u0131n Gazneli\u2019ye g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcn diyordu. Okudu dizeleri Sultan :
\n\u201c Bilgili olanlar kuvvetli olur, ya\u015fl\u0131lar\u0131n g\u00f6nl\u00fc bilgiyle din\u00e7 kal\u0131r.
\nKalbin hatal\u0131 yollara sap\u0131yorsa senin kalbinden ba\u015fka d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131n yoktur.
\nEy d\u00fcnya ne kadar zalim ve insafs\u0131zs\u0131n, kendin beler, kendin yersin.
\nD\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceleri k\u00f6t\u00fc olanlar iyi eser b\u0131rakamazlar.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ey Firdevsi me\u011fer ne kadar do\u011fru s\u00f6ylemi\u015fsin. Ne kadar da g\u00fczel anlatm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n iyilikle k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc sen. \u201cDemez miydin k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fcklerden k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fck gelmesine \u015fa\u015fmamak gerek, gece karanl\u0131ktan ayr\u0131 tutulur mu hi\u00e7\u201d diye. Tutulmazd\u0131 elbet, gece karanl\u0131kta bo\u011fulacakt\u0131.<\/p>\n
Sufi ald\u0131 az\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 tekrar verdi omzuna. Hafiflemi\u015fti yine omuz y\u00fck\u00fc. Demek ki k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fckte ,iyilikte bulmu\u015ftu yerini. Ah tutkular\u0131m\u0131z onlar de\u011fil miydi firavunla\u015ft\u0131ran bizi. Kalbimize vuran lekeyi o b\u00fcy\u00fck d\u00fcnyal\u0131k tutkular\u0131m\u0131z. Me\u011fer bildi\u011fini san\u0131p bilmiyormu\u015f Sufi . Tekrar g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na bo\u011fuldu ve bu arada bir el de\u011fdi omzuna. \u201cUyan Sufi g\u00fcn ayd\u0131.\u201d \u0130rkilerek uyand\u0131 mana leminden Sufi. Hissetti kalbinde ki hafifli\u011fi. Kalkt\u0131 yerinden y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc d\u00fcnyas\u0131na. K\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fcklerle dolu, tanr\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015f insanlarla dolu, geceden karanl\u0131k d\u00fcnyas\u0131na\u2026
\nDilim dama\u011f\u0131m kurmu\u015ftu, g\u00fcn aymaya ba\u015fl\u0131yordu. Kalkt\u0131m yata\u011f\u0131mdan, elimi y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc y\u0131kad\u0131m. Aynada bak\u0131p \u201cD\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek\u201d dedim. Hi\u00e7 yapmam\u0131\u015f\u0131m me\u011fer. Bu anlams\u0131z d\u00fcnyan\u0131n anlam\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6zmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmam\u0131\u015f\u0131m. Dald\u0131m derinliklerine kalbimin, me\u011fer ne kadar \u00e7ok eksikmi\u015fim. \u015eimdi Sufi olma zaman\u0131yd\u0131 benim i\u00e7in, \u015fimdi; d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme, do\u011fruyu arama zaman\u0131d\u0131r benim i\u00e7in\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Kap\u0131y\u0131 yava\u015fca kapatt\u0131m. Ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 i\u00e7eri ald\u0131m….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":41,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8092"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/41"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8092"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8092\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}