{"id":7889,"date":"2016-05-01T17:58:37","date_gmt":"2016-05-01T14:58:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=7889"},"modified":"2016-05-01T17:58:37","modified_gmt":"2016-05-01T14:58:37","slug":"bayramlik-dusler","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=7889","title":{"rendered":"BAYRAMLIK D\u00dc\u015eLER"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Yine o a\u011fac\u0131n alt\u0131nda ve sensiz bir dalga daha vuruyor k\u0131y\u0131lar\u0131ma. Ben geldim baba, \u0131ss\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ak\u015fam\u0131n. Ellerim d\u00fcn\u00fcn ayaz\u0131nda kald\u0131. Avu\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7inde b\u00fcy\u00fcyecekti ellerim. \u015eimdi b\u00fcy\u00fcse de k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcld\u00fc d\u00fc\u015flerim.<\/p>\n<p>Olsayd\u0131n ister miydim ba\u015fucumda ben de bayraml\u0131k. Yok yok istemezdim varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n bayram\u0131md\u0131 demeliydim. Hani bir sobam\u0131z vard\u0131 \u00fczerinde d\u00fc\u015flerimizi \u0131s\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z senin k\u00fcllerini ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u00fc\u015f\u00fcmesinler diye gece ayaz\u0131nda \u00e7\u0131ras\u0131n\u0131 yakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n. Biliyor musun seni soba yakarken seyretmek en b\u00fcy\u00fck zevkimdi yorgan alt\u0131nda. Her zaman sen yakacaks\u0131n sand\u0131m. \u015eimdilerde ate\u015f ba\u015f\u0131nda \u00fc\u015f\u00fcr oldum. Sobalar \u0131s\u0131tm\u0131yor be baba. Kimse senin yakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n gibi yakm\u0131yor. Bir \u00e7\u0131ra daha yakt\u0131n oda y\u00fcre\u011fime ve gidi\u015finle.<\/p>\n<p>Sabah kahvalt\u0131 haz\u0131rlasayd\u0131 annem ve biz camiye gitseydik Allah diyerek beraber inleseydik. \u00d6zledim sol yan\u0131ma d\u00f6n\u00fcnce \u201cHadi baba duam bitti gidelim.\u201d demeyi. \u015eimdilerde sol yan\u0131ma yine d\u00f6n\u00fcyorum ama \u00f6nce sa\u011f\u0131ma. Sol yan\u0131m, sus \u00f6\u011fren b\u00fcy\u00fcmeyi, b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fck\u00e7e k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclmeyi.<\/p>\n<p>Bu sabahta bir ku\u015f kondu pencereme. Sen miydin ellerin miydi cam\u0131 t\u0131klatan. Ve neden cama gelince kanat \u00e7\u0131rparak uzakla\u015fan. Gitme anlatacaklar\u0131m var. Daha kuyuya d\u00fc\u015fecektim Yakup(r.a) peygamberin Yusuf(r.a) peygamberi bekledi\u011fi gibi sen de bekler miydin beni? \u00a0Kuyularda kayboldum. Arayan\u0131m soran\u0131m yok. Ne \u0131ss\u0131zm\u0131\u015f d\u00fcnya denen oyalanma. Ald\u0131rma g\u00f6n\u00fcl ald\u0131rma diyorum bazen, susuyorum bu sefer nakarat nakarat ruhuma i\u015fliyor, hasret hasret b\u00fcy\u00fcyorsun g\u00f6z bebeklerimde.<\/p>\n<p>Topum patlad\u0131 desem, bisikletten d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm desem, mahalledeki \u00e7ocuklar beni d\u00f6vd\u00fc desem gelir miydin bir bayram sabah\u0131, hi\u00e7 olmazsa d\u00fc\u015flerime. Ok\u015far m\u0131yd\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 \u015fefkatli ellerinle?<\/p>\n<p>Kuruyor dallar\u0131m, bahara inat. Ve yaprak yaprak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor dallar\u0131mdan, mekan toprak. \u00d6rt\u00fcn \u00fczerimi g\u00f6m\u00fcn kefensiz ve geleyim sana i\u015fte evlad\u0131n \u015fehit isimsiz. Benim ad\u0131m sen, sendeki ben. Ben bilmedim beni istiyorum senin i\u00e7indeki seni.<\/p>\n<p>Ne vakit konu\u015fsam d\u00fc\u015f kurarm\u0131\u015f\u0131m senle, senden habersiz. Bilmezler i\u00e7imdeki yetimi sustururlar, seni benden beni senden habersiz.<\/p>\n<p>Hani vard\u0131 ya bir varm\u0131\u015f bir yokmu\u015f. Yoku\u015funda \u00f6mr\u00fcn hayat ne bo\u015fmu\u015f. Mezar ba\u015f\u0131nda, k\u0131\u015f\u0131n ortas\u0131nda, sessiz film tad\u0131nda sensizli\u011fi anlatmak ne zormu\u015f. Bakarlar m\u0131 neden a\u011fl\u0131yor diye utan\u0131r m\u0131yd\u0131m, sorsalar s\u00f6ylemeye. Ok\u015fay\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 bug\u00fcn bayram demeye.<\/p>\n<p>D\u00fc\u015fmeye korkuyorum art\u0131k. Hani sen varken oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131m sokaklar bir ba\u015fkayd\u0131 deliydi kan\u0131m\u0131n rengi. Korkmuyordum d\u00fc\u015fmekten dizim kan i\u00e7inde, elim y\u00fcz\u00fcm \u00e7izik. Yara band\u0131na ihtiyac\u0131m yoktu, ellerinin izi dokunurken y\u00fcre\u011fime. Art\u0131k bantlar\u0131n kapatamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir yaram var. Yani yine bant kullanm\u0131yorum. Kan d\u0131\u015fa de\u011fil i\u00e7e ak\u0131yor art\u0131k.<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7er\u00e7evede sakl\u0131 hayalinle ka\u00e7 gece a\u011flayarak konu\u015ftum. Dertlerin i\u00e7inde bilmem yorulmu\u015flu\u011fumla ka\u00e7 kez bo\u011fu\u015ftum. Vuslat mu\u015ftusu \u00f6teye kald\u0131 ah ki tek umudum. Birinci bayram d\u00fcnyada ikinci bayramda uyan\u0131\u015fta, bayraml\u0131klar\u0131mla el \u00f6pmeye gelece\u011fim son dem belki bir Cuma namaz\u0131na.<br \/>\nSenden geriye kalan tesbih, tane tane ilmik ilmik h\u00fcz\u00fcn dokudu\u011fum tezg\u00e2h. Tek tek \u00e7ekiyorum Ya Allah. \u00d6zl\u00fcyorum amma bir g\u00fcn etmedim ah.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Yine o a\u011fac\u0131n alt\u0131nda ve sensiz&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":55,"featured_media":8612,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7889"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/55"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7889"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7889\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7889"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7889"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7889"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}