Ben bahar\u0131 hi\u00e7 koklamad\u0131m \u00f6yle a\u00e7\u0131k se\u00e7ik. G\u00fcnd\u00fczlerin de geceler kadar dipsiz, o kadar g\u00fcvensiz oldu\u011funu farketti\u011fimden beri ya\u015fayamad\u0131m tasas\u0131z. Ve dert dedi\u011fim \u015feyi bu kadar benimsemi\u015fken elim aya\u011f\u0131m gibi, tutamad\u0131m ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n dertlerinden. Kendi y\u00fck\u00fcm alt\u0131nda ezilirken soran soru\u015fturan da olmad\u0131 beni. Hep bir yerlerde vard\u0131m. Hep istenilen yerdeydim. Bu y\u00fczden anla\u015f\u0131lmad\u0131 muhtemelen yoklu\u011fum. Ayakta durmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a sendeledim hep. Kum tanelerinin avu\u00e7lar\u0131mdan kay\u0131p gidi\u015fini izliyor gibiydim. Bir \u015feyleri kaybediyorum. Ama avu\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 kapatmaya da mecalim yok.<\/p>\n
Ezildim, \u00e7izildim. Ad\u0131m\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fc karaland\u0131 \u00e7o\u011fu kez. K\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131m ama kimseyi kesmedi k\u0131r\u0131klar\u0131m. Elimden tutan birileri oldu nihayetinde. Ama hep yaral\u0131 elimi s\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 sard\u0131 o eller. Can\u0131m\u0131 yakt\u0131. Her \u015feye ra\u011fmen t\u00fcm \u00f6fkemi, h\u00fczn\u00fcm\u00fc topra\u011fa att\u0131m. O g\u00f6mer diye her \u015feyi. O gizler diye cesetleri gizledi\u011fi gibi. Ve bir de yaz\u0131lar yazd\u0131m amans\u0131z. Her \u015feye kar\u015f\u0131n en b\u00fcy\u00fck g\u00fcc\u00fcm kuvvetim kelimelerim oldu. Fakat a\u011fz\u0131mdan \u00e7\u0131kmazd\u0131 o kelimeler, kalemimden \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 daim. Kalemin, ka\u011f\u0131d\u0131n, kitab\u0131n kutsall\u0131\u011f\u0131na inand\u0131m. Cahilli\u011fin sonumuzu getirece\u011fine inand\u0131\u011f\u0131m kadar. Bir sonun bir ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7tan daha iyi olmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fine inand\u0131m bir de. Oldum olas\u0131 g\u00fczel ba\u015fl\u0131klar bulamam zaten ben!<\/p>\n
Bu kalem biraz yass\u0131. Bu kelimeler pek g\u00fcn g\u00f6rmedik. Ben de acemiyim daha bu d\u00fcnyada. Yazmaya de\u011fer \u015feylerin pek k\u0131ymetini bilemiyorum. Affola\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ben bahar\u0131 hi\u00e7 koklamad\u0131m \u00f6yle a\u00e7\u0131k…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47,"featured_media":7870,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7788"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/47"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7788"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7788\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7788"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7788"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7788"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}