S\u0131radan bir g\u00fcne uyand\u0131 kad\u0131n, k\u0131s\u0131k g\u00f6zlerini elleriyle ovu\u015fturdu \u00f6nce. Lanet olsun bu g\u00fcnde \u00f6lmemi\u015fim der gibi bir bak\u0131\u015f att\u0131 duvara. Duvar her zaman ki gibi sessizlikle cevap verdi. Duvar i\u015fte ne yaps\u0131n dedi i\u00e7inden, zaten konu\u015ftuk\u00e7a al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsun. Hafif do\u011frulup belini \u00f6nce sola sonra sa\u011fa do\u011fru d\u00f6nd\u00fcrerek k\u00fctletti, di\u011fer insanlara g\u00f6re bu onu biriyle sevi\u015fmekten daha mutlu ediyordu. S\u0131radan insanlar\u0131n s\u0131radan zevkleri ona g\u00f6re de\u011fildi zaten bu y\u00fczden sabah kahvalt\u0131s\u0131nda kahve de\u011fil bir bardak s\u00fct i\u00e7erdi. O g\u00fcn de kalkt\u0131, y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc y\u0131kamadan bir bardak s\u00fct i\u00e7ti. Bir sabahlar\u0131, bir de alkol ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 geceler y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc y\u0131kamay\u0131 hi\u00e7 sevmezdi. O salak mayho\u015flu\u011fu ay\u0131k ve din\u00e7 bir v\u00fccuda tercih ederdi, zaten ay\u0131k ve din\u00e7 bir v\u00fccutla ne yapacakt\u0131 ki d\u00fcnyay\u0131 kurtaracak hali yoktu ya. Kendi d\u00fcnyas\u0131nda ya\u015f\u0131yordu; ince kitaplar, kal\u0131n ac\u0131lar, sert biralar ve sessiz duvarlarla konu\u015fmay\u0131 severdi. Kahvalt\u0131dan sonra \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fi yata\u011f\u0131na uzand\u0131, \u00f6nce duvarda as\u0131l\u0131 olan \u015fairlerin posterleriyle bak\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Cemal S\u00fcreyya, Naz\u0131m Hikmet, Turgut Uyar derken \u015fairlerden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p Ne\u015fet Erta\u015f’\u0131n posterine uzun s\u00fcre baka kald\u0131: ”G\u00f6nl\u00fcm hep seni ar\u0131yor, neredesin sen?”\u00a0 i\u015fte bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n ve elindeki sazla a\u015fk ya\u015fayan Ne\u015fet abinin posterine uzun bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcnler i\u00e7meye erken ba\u015flard\u0131. O g\u00fcn bu g\u00fcnd\u00fc. Markete inip iki bira al\u0131p tezg\u00e2h\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne koydu, ”Abi nas\u0131ls\u0131n?” diye sordu kasadaki surats\u0131z adama. Ya nas\u0131l oldu\u011funu \u00f6nemsedi\u011finden de\u011fil de i\u015fte insan\u0131z ya s\u00f6zde, nas\u0131ls\u0131n iyi misin k\u00f6t\u00fcysen Allah kolayl\u0131k versin. En iyi ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f yolu, dua. Demezler mi kad\u0131na dua ediyorsun da bu biralar\u0131 cennete mi g\u00f6t\u00fcrecen? \u00d6yle \u015feylere fazla tak\u0131lmaz, inanc\u0131 vard\u0131r ama kimseye g\u00f6re de hareket etmez. \u0130\u00e7ip i\u00e7ip dua etti\u011fi g\u00fcnler de olmu\u015ftur herkes bilir sesini \u00e7\u0131karmaz \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc kimse onun d\u00fcnyas\u0131na girmeye cesaret edemez. Adam ”\u0130yiyim abim” diye cevap verdi, kad\u0131n paray\u0131 verip eve d\u00f6nd\u00fc. Kad\u0131nlar\u0131n tam aksine k\u0131yafetlere de\u011fil de alkole ve sigaraya verdi\u011fi paraya ac\u0131mazd\u0131 bir tek, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc onun mutlulu\u011fu ayn\u0131 alkol\u00fcn ya\u015fatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 kafa gibi hep anl\u0131kt\u0131, ama mutsuzlu\u011fu her daim. Zaten iki pantolon iki ceket mutlu edecek olsa b\u00fcy\u00fck holding sahipleri be\u015f kar\u0131\u015f suratla gezmezlerdi. G\u0131c\u0131r g\u0131c\u0131r y\u00fcksek topuklu ayakkab\u0131lar, seksi ve dar bir etek, ciddi bir g\u00f6mlek ve g\u00fclmeyi unutmu\u015f suratla \u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fc ta\u015ftan daha da ta\u015f kalpler. Ona g\u00f6re de\u011fildi. Yata\u011f\u0131na oturmu\u015f elindeki biray\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131p kapa\u011f\u0131ndan y\u00fcz\u00fck yap\u0131p parma\u011f\u0131na takt\u0131. Biradan bir yudum al\u0131p tekrar y\u00fcz\u00fck yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bira kapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131n parma\u011f\u0131ndaki duru\u015funu seyretti. Derin bir i\u00e7 \u00e7ekti. Bunun sebebini s\u00f6ylemeyece\u011fim. Sonra yine en sevdi\u011fi\u00a0 \u015feyi yapt\u0131, kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndaki duvarla konu\u015fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Bunu yapmay\u0131 d\u00fcnyadaki her \u015feyden daha \u00e7ok seviyordu. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc hatalar\u0131n\u0131 anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ay\u0131plam\u0131yordu, mutlu ge\u00e7irdi\u011fi bir g\u00fcn\u00fc payla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131nda k\u0131skanm\u0131yordu, derdini anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda arada kesip kendi sorunlar\u0131n\u0131 anlat\u0131p bo\u011fmuyordu, duvar i\u015fte ne desin sadece sorgusuz sualsiz dinliyor ve s\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 sakl\u0131yordu, bu y\u00fczden onun i\u00e7in insanlardan daha de\u011ferliydi\u00a0 o tam yata\u011f\u0131n\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda duran bo\u015f duvar. Bazen hayat\u0131n a\u011f\u0131r ac\u0131lar\u0131yla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015f\u0131r bir \u015feyler f\u0131rlat\u0131rd\u0131 o duvara, bazen \u00e7i\u00e7ekli tablolar asard\u0131, bir g\u00fcn de dile gelip d\u00fcn ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131p \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131n bu g\u00fcn ruhumu ok\u015fuyorsun diye dengesizli\u011fini sorgulamazd\u0131. Sorgusuz sualsiz orda dururdu, duvar i\u015fte. Ama duvar deyip ge\u00e7memek laz\u0131m, ne hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131klar\u0131, ne gelip giden sevgililer, ne derin h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131klar, ne mutluluk g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131, ne yalanlar ne yanl\u0131\u015flar ne m\u00fckemmel adamlar ne bo\u015fa harcanm\u0131\u015f sevgiler g\u00f6rd\u00fc de hep sustu. Duvar deyip ge\u00e7memek laz\u0131m, o duvar kad\u0131n\u0131n ya\u015farken girebildi\u011fi tek mezar oldu.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
S\u0131radan bir g\u00fcne uyand\u0131 kad\u0131n, k\u0131s\u0131k…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":22,"featured_media":7605,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7604"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/22"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7604"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7604\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}