{"id":7454,"date":"2017-12-01T23:42:08","date_gmt":"2017-12-01T21:42:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=7454"},"modified":"2017-12-01T23:42:08","modified_gmt":"2017-12-01T21:42:08","slug":"acidan-bir-beden","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=7454","title":{"rendered":"ACIDAN B\u0130R BEDEN"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bir bahar g\u00fcn\u00fc d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcn bu topraklara. Hevesle \u00e7ektin ilk nefesini i\u00e7ine. Atmosferin, ac\u0131 \u00e7ekenlerin feryatlar\u0131yla yo\u011frulmu\u015f havas\u0131 ci\u011ferlerini kavuruverdi. Ya\u015famadan kederle doldun. A\u00e7\u0131k toprak rengi g\u00f6zlerin koyula\u015ft\u0131 her ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn. H\u00fcz\u00fcnlere tan\u0131k oluyordun s\u00fcrekli. \u00c7\u00e2resizdin. Tek yapabildi\u011fin o ac\u0131kl\u0131 sahneleri zihninde tekrar tekrar canland\u0131rmakt\u0131. G\u00f6zlerin gittik\u00e7e koyula\u015ft\u0131, ald\u0131rmad\u0131n.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nefretle dolard\u0131n. Her gece, d\u00fcnyan\u0131n en derin okyanusu a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131 ruhunda. Bombo\u015ftu. D\u0131\u015far\u0131 atard\u0131n kendini. Dayanamazd\u0131n. \u0130\u00e7indeki bo\u015fluk bedenini t\u0131rmalard\u0131. Derin yaralar\u0131n vard\u0131, insanlarla arandaki mesafelere ra\u011fmen; ald\u0131rmazd\u0131n. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmedim de\u011fil, gams\u0131z milyonlarca insan\u0131n \u00e7ekmesi gereken ac\u0131lar\u0131 neden \u00e7ekti\u011fini. Ama ge\u00e7 de olsa anlad\u0131m yan\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131. Hepimizin \u00e7ekmesi gereken ac\u0131y\u0131 y\u00fcklemi\u015fsin omuzlar\u0131na. Neden bu kadar fedak\u00e2rd\u0131n ki, anlamazd\u0131m ger\u00e7i hi\u00e7 sormad\u0131m sana bunlar\u0131. Zaten sorsam da anlatmazd\u0131n, sen anlatsan da ben anlayamazd\u0131m. Y\u00fcre\u011fim yeterince b\u00fcy\u00fcmemi\u015fti hen\u00fcz.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hasretlerin vard\u0131. Ah ne derin \u00f6zlerdin sen. Ben senin gibi \u00f6zlemeyi hi\u00e7 beceremezdim. Sahi b\u00f6yle \u00e7aresizce \u00f6zlemeyi kimden \u00f6\u011frendin? Sana soramazd\u0131m, \u00e7ekinirdim. Ama sen zaten \u00f6zlediklerin d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda kimseye ald\u0131rmazd\u0131n. \u00d6yle hasretle uzaklara bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, zaman dururdu. Sonra usulca gezdirirdin kalemi y\u0131pranm\u0131\u015f defterinde. Uzat\u0131rd\u0131n bana. Ah senin o y\u00fcre\u011fi kanatan m\u0131sralar\u0131n a\u011flat\u0131rd\u0131 beni. H\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131m, sen uzaklara bakmaya devam ederdin. Dedim ya ald\u0131rmazd\u0131n. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm, uyku tutmazd\u0131. Ben senin gibi \u00f6zleyebilsem birini, herhalde topra\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131nda da olsa kalkar gelirdi. Merak ederdim ama hi\u00e7 sormad\u0131m. Bu kadar \u00f6zlemi nas\u0131l s\u0131\u011fd\u0131rabildin o c\u0131l\u0131z g\u00f6vdene.<\/span><\/p>\n

Y\u0131llar ge\u00e7iyordu. G\u00f6vden her ge\u00e7en mevsim biraz daha \u00f6ne e\u011filirdi. Y\u00fcre\u011fin g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs kafesine a\u011f\u0131r geliyordu. \u00d6yle bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n yerde \u00f6lmenden korkard\u0131m, ald\u0131rmazd\u0131n. Seni \u015fehrin en kalabal\u0131k meydan\u0131na, \u201cmahzunluk heykeli\u201d diye koysak yad\u0131rgamazd\u0131 kimseler. Ama ya\u015f\u0131yordun her \u015feye ra\u011fmen. Sessiz h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131klar\u0131 and\u0131ran nefesini duyard\u0131m geceleri. Sahi hep merak ederdim ama soramad\u0131m. G\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131n\u0131 ak\u0131tmadan nas\u0131l a\u011flayabildi\u011fini\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Ke\u015fke dedim. Ke\u015fke bir par\u00e7a mutlulu\u011fu koyabilsem \u00fcrkek kalbine\u2026\u00a0 Ama herkes gibi ben de kendi mutlulu\u011fuma dal\u0131nca unuttum seni. Neyse ki yine ald\u0131rmad\u0131n. Ve y\u0131llar sonra o eski soka\u011f\u0131n k\u00f6\u015fesinde bo\u015f sandalyeni g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde, i\u00e7imden bir eyvah y\u00fckseldi. Sen yoktun art\u0131k. Ruhun bu topraklar\u0131n ac\u0131lar\u0131na g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc. Ve \u015fimdi senin yerine g\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc olacak kimse yoktu. Bo\u015f sandalyene oturdum. Derin bir nefes doldurdum ci\u011ferlerime. Fakat hava farkl\u0131yd\u0131. Senin g\u00f6nl\u00fcne c\u00f6mert\u00e7e doldurdu\u011fun t\u00fcm kederler atmosferimize kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u0130\u00e7imden ikinci bir eyvah y\u00fckseldi. \u00c7ekti\u011fin t\u00fcm ac\u0131lar bize miras kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bir bahar g\u00fcn\u00fc d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcn bu topraklara….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":7501,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7454"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/20"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7454"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7454\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7454"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7454"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7454"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}