{"id":7448,"date":"2017-12-01T23:39:27","date_gmt":"2017-12-01T21:39:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=7448"},"modified":"2017-12-01T23:39:27","modified_gmt":"2017-12-01T21:39:27","slug":"felah-ver","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=7448","title":{"rendered":"FELAH VER"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ringde k\u00f6\u015feye s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f boks\u00f6r gibiyim. Her \u015fey \u00fcst \u00fcste inerken y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fcn ortas\u0131na, bu ka\u00e7\u0131nc\u0131 yumruk bilmiyorum. Bilincimi kaybediyorum yava\u015f yava\u015f. Hislerim bulan\u0131kla\u015f\u0131yor, ac\u0131 yok, g\u00f6zde ya\u015f yok, ses yok, \u0131\u015f\u0131k yok, kelam yok\u2026 Oysa g\u00fczel ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131k hayata. G\u00fclmelerimiz i\u00e7ten, tebess\u00fcmlerimiz do\u011fal, a\u011flamalar\u0131m\u0131z istedi\u011fimiz gibiydi. Yorulmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131k, yaln\u0131zla\u015fmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131k, eksilmemi\u015ftik, eksiltilmemi\u015ftik\u2026 Hen\u00fcz tazeydi umutlar\u0131m\u0131z hayata kar\u015f\u0131. Teselli s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerinin bir anlam\u0131 vard\u0131, s\u00f6z\u00fcn bitti\u011fi yerden hayli uzak, sessizli\u011fin esaretinden muaft\u0131k. Dilimizde prangalar yoktu, yoktu bu hissiz g\u00f6zler. Ve yoktu kalplerde bu zehirli karanl\u0131k.<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6\u011fe bakard\u0131k, i\u00e7imiz ayd\u0131nlan\u0131rd\u0131. U\u00e7urtmalar, sal\u0131ncaklar, ko\u015fu\u015fturmalar kadar tazeydi umutlar\u0131m\u0131z. G\u00f6\u011fe bakard\u0131k ruhumuz kanatlan\u0131rd\u0131. Bebeklik, ilk \u00e7ocukluk kavgalar\u0131, alelade bir sayfaya yaz\u0131lan ilk a\u015fk mektuplar\u0131 kadar saft\u0131k, temizdik. Sonra g\u00f6\u011fe bakard\u0131k, g\u00fcne\u015f parlard\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcm\u00fczde, bulutlar i\u00e7inde ko\u015fard\u0131k r\u00fcyalarda. Sonra sevdalar \u00f6ld\u00fc, sevgi \u00f6ld\u00fc, merhamet \u00f6ld\u00fc, insanl\u0131k ve onun nam\u0131na var olan ne varsa \u00f6ld\u00fc. Yani sonra g\u00f6\u011fe bakamad\u0131k hi\u00e7; kararm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, kirlenmi\u015fti, gizlenmi\u015fti. Sevgi dolu bir c\u00fcmleye gizli \u00f6zne dahi olamayacak nefret y\u00fckl\u00fc insanlar! taraf\u0131ndan kalbimiz harap edilmi\u015fti.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ya\u011fmurun \u0131slatmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 topraklar kadar kuru, kimsenin ge\u00e7medi\u011fi yollar kadar tenha, \u00e7i\u00e7eklerin a\u00e7mad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bah\u00e7eler kadar sertle\u015fti c\u00fcmlelerimiz. Ve ya\u011fmurlardan sonra g\u00f6kku\u015fa\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcm\u00fczde. G\u00f6\u011f\u00fcn mavi tonuna, \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fin kokusuna, insan\u0131n \u201cinsan\u0131na\u201d hasret kald\u0131k. G\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn ortas\u0131na ekti\u011fimiz nar a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131, dara\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131na d\u00f6nd\u00fc zamanla ve umudumuzu salland\u0131rd\u0131k her sabah ve ak\u015fam titreyen dudaklarla.<\/span><\/p>\n

Annesini kaybetmi\u015f bir yavru kediye \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fcm bug\u00fcn. Yavrusunu kaybetmi\u015f bir anne kadar \u00fczg\u00fcnd\u00fcm bug\u00fcn. Bu ka\u00e7\u0131nc\u0131 varsay\u0131m bilmiyorum varmayan say\u0131mlar\u0131mda. Kelimeler aras\u0131nda saklanan may\u0131nlara denk gelmemek i\u00e7in dilimin \u00fczerindeki ka\u00e7\u0131nc\u0131 yaram bu \u0131s\u0131rmaktan. S\u00f6zlerimi c\u0131mb\u0131zla se\u00e7mekten usan\u0131p bo\u015f verdi\u011fim ka\u00e7\u0131nc\u0131 s\u00fck\u00fbt bu? Ve nereye kadar ve ne zamana kadar ve neden? Nedendir bir bebe\u011fin ilk bak\u0131\u015f\u0131 karanl\u0131k tavanlara\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Kalemim yazmaktan, silgim silmekten, dilim susmaktan, kalbim nefretten t\u00fckendi. Ve t\u00fckendi d\u00fcnya sevgisizlikten. G\u00fcn do\u011fumlar\u0131 olmad\u0131 karanl\u0131k gecenin sabah\u0131nda, bir sabaha daha ayazla ba\u015flad\u0131k. \u0130\u00e7imiz k\u0131\u015f, i\u00e7imiz \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k, i\u00e7imiz katran karas\u0131, i\u00e7imiz hasret yan\u0131\u011f\u0131, i\u00e7imiz kan deryas\u0131. Bir g\u00fcl\u015fenin ard\u0131ndan kalan sadece diken yaras\u0131\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Umars\u0131z bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n ard\u0131nda saklanan ger\u00e7ek, neredeysen \u00e7\u0131k da gel. Susan dudaklar\u0131n alt\u0131nda yatan vicdan, kalk da gel. Kalbine zift d\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f gece, nihayete er. Ve k\u00f6relmi\u015f y\u00fcreklerin arkas\u0131ndaki insan insafa gel.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sabret, M\u00fcntakim olan\u0131n intikam\u0131ndan korkulur. Ve her hik\u00e2ye bir duayla son bulur.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYa Rab masum dualara kar\u015f\u0131 felah ver.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ringde k\u00f6\u015feye s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f boks\u00f6r gibiyim. Her…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":7510,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7448"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7448"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7448\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7448"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7448"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7448"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}