6 \u015eubat 2023 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fcnyam cehenneme d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u2026 Bir gecede otuz alt\u0131 bin kelebek \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f. Bir gecede y\u00fcz binlerce kelebek yaralanm\u0131\u015f. Bir iki dakikada oldu her \u015fey. Belki daha k\u0131sa, belki daha uzun. Zaman kavram\u0131n\u0131 anlayacak ya\u015fta de\u011filim. Bir\u00e7ok \u015feyi anlayacak ya\u015fta de\u011filim. Anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015feyleri ya\u015f\u0131yorum. Belki k\u0131yamet koptu, ben anlamad\u0131m. Yar\u0131n okul var! Birinci d\u00f6nem te\u015fekk\u00fcr ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in babam bana yeni \u00e7anta ald\u0131. Yar\u0131n onu takaca\u011f\u0131m, annem sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6recek \u00e7ok g\u00fczel olaca\u011f\u0131m, prensesler gibi. Tatilden sonra ilk g\u00fcn okulu \u00e7ok \u00f6zledim; arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131, \u00f6\u011fretmelerimi, Kerem\u2019i…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her yer toz her yer y\u0131\u011f\u0131n. Karma\u015f\u0131k bir in\u015faat algoritmas\u0131nday\u0131m sanki. Ger\u00e7i kozas\u0131ndan yeni \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f ufac\u0131k bir kelebe\u011fim ben. Ne in\u015faattan anlar\u0131m, ne algoritmadan. Televizyondan duydu\u011fum haval\u0131 kelimeleri katmak istedim c\u00fcmlelerime. Bilinmez kelimeler, bilinir ac\u0131lar\u0131 daha net ifade eder san\u0131yorum. Sanmay\u0131 bile tam anlam\u0131yla biliyor muyum? \u00d6\u011fretmenime sorsayd\u0131m ke\u015fke sanmak ne demek? \u015eu an ac\u0131 \u00e7ekti\u011fimi san\u0131yorum. Sanm\u0131yorum, ac\u0131 \u00e7ekiyorum. Sanmay\u0131 bilmiyorum ama ac\u0131y\u0131 biliyorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Buras\u0131 \u00e7ok karanl\u0131k ve \u00e7ok so\u011fuk. Siz bilmezsiniz karanl\u0131ktan \u00e7ok korkar k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck kelebekler. Bu so\u011fukta ne kadar dayan\u0131r kanatlar\u0131m. Annem yatarken \u00fcst\u00fcm\u00fc \u00f6rtm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc, peki neden \u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorum ben? \u00dcst\u00fcmde y\u0131\u011f\u0131nla tu\u011fla, kanatlar\u0131m\u0131 k\u0131m\u0131ldatam\u0131yorum. Kim koydu \u00fcst\u00fcme bu tu\u011flalar\u0131? Sesler duyuyorum. Sesler, \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u2026 G\u00f6zlerim kapan\u0131yor. Sesler uzakla\u015f\u0131yor. G\u00f6zlerimi t\u00fcm direncimle a\u00e7maya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum. Susad\u0131m \u00e7ok susad\u0131m. A\u011fz\u0131m\u0131n i\u00e7i bir \u00e7\u00f6l gibi kurudu. Her nefes al\u0131\u015f\u0131mda i\u00e7ime tozlar doluyor. Oysa annem her zaman tertemiz ederdi evimizi, bu toz y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 nereden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131? Kanat \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131yorum g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne, fakat yok g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc, her yer yery\u00fcz\u00fc. \u00dcst\u00fcmde toz bulutlar\u0131. Ne i\u015fim var burada? Annem nerede? Babam nerede? I\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 a\u011fabeyim mi s\u00f6nd\u00fcrd\u00fc? Bu karanl\u0131k, bu toz ne?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sesler canlan\u0131yor yeniden kulaklar\u0131mda. \u201cOrada kimse var m\u0131?\u201d Ba\u011f\u0131rmak istiyorum. \u201cBuraday\u0131m karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n tam ortas\u0131nda.\u201d Ba\u011f\u0131ram\u0131yorum. Sanki dilimin \u00fcst\u00fcnde tu\u011flalar dizili. Sesim, g\u00fcc\u00fcm t\u00fckendi. Sessizli\u011fe hapsoldum. Ba\u011f\u0131rsam anlar m\u0131 insanlar k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir kelebe\u011fin devrik c\u00fcmlelerini. G\u00f6zlerim kapan\u0131yor. Bo\u011faz\u0131ma doldu tozlar. Nefes alam\u0131yorum. Anne nefes alam\u0131yorum! Anne, baba, a\u011fabey sesinizi alam\u0131yorum! Anne a\u011flasam ko\u015fard\u0131n geceleri neden sesime cevap vermiyorsun? Ko\u015farak neden yan\u0131ma gelmiyorsun? Karanl\u0131kta zaman akm\u0131yor, sesimi kimse duymuyor! Babac\u0131\u011f\u0131m minik kelebe\u011fin karanl\u0131kta korkuyor bilmiyor musun? Neden gelip sar\u0131lm\u0131yorsun bana? A\u011fabey \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 a\u00e7, oyun bitsin art\u0131k sinirleniyorum\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k huzmesi ile aralan\u0131yor g\u00f6zlerim. Bir el uzan\u0131yor bana do\u011fru. Yava\u015f\u00e7a kanatlar\u0131m\u0131 ok\u015fuyor. Korkma diyor, ama korkuyorum. Korkma deyince ge\u00e7mez t\u00fcm korkular. Ama azal\u0131r, azald\u0131 korkular\u0131m. \u00c7o\u011fu insan gibi o da bilmiyor karanl\u0131ktan \u00e7ok korkar kelebekler. \u201cSeni \u00e7ok seviyoruz biz.\u201d diyor. Tan\u0131m\u0131yor ki nas\u0131l sevsin beni. \u0130nsan tan\u0131madan nas\u0131l sever birini? Anl\u0131yorum tan\u0131masalar da sever iyi insanlar b\u00fct\u00fcn kelebekleri. G\u00f6zlerim kapan\u0131yor. Ama bir el s\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 tuttu beni \u00f6nce sa\u011f kanad\u0131m\u0131, sonra sol kanad\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kartt\u0131 bu karanl\u0131k cehennemden. Yana\u011f\u0131ma kocaman bir \u00f6p\u00fcc\u00fck kondurdu. Tozlar\u0131m\u0131 silkiyor tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m eller. Tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m seslerde, bilmedi\u011fim dillerde sevin\u00e7 \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131\u2026 Sonra \u00f6\u011frendim. Gazete man\u015fetlerine yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f: \u201cUmudun ad\u0131: Karanl\u0131ktaki Kelebekler.\u201d Ba\u015fka kelebekler de \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f karanl\u0131ktan. Baz\u0131 kelebeklerin ise sesi hi\u00e7 duyulmam\u0131\u015f. \u00c7ok kelebek kalm\u0131\u015f karanl\u0131kta. Sesleri duyulmad\u0131k\u00e7a k\u0131s\u0131lm\u0131\u015f. K\u0131s\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, k\u0131s\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, \u00e7\u0131kmaz olmu\u015f sesleri. Annem, babam, a\u011fabeyim, halam, day\u0131m, kuzenim, dedem ve Kerem\u2026 Hepsi karanl\u0131kta kalm\u0131\u015f. \u00c7ok kanat \u00e7\u0131rpm\u0131\u015flar ama kimse duymam\u0131\u015f. Bir gecede milyonlarca koza y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f. Bir gecede \u00e7ok \u015fey olmu\u015f, d\u00fcnyam cehenneme d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f ben anlamad\u0131m\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
6 \u015eubat 2023 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fcnyam cehenneme…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":344,"featured_media":12394,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[66,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11832"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/344"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11832"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11832\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12395,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11832\/revisions\/12395"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/12394"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11832"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11832"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11832"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}