Derinlerden k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir k\u0131z\u0131n iniltisi geliyordu. Sesi \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 and\u0131r\u0131yor, bo\u011fazland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yordu. \u0130\u00e7ine d\u00fcnyalar\u0131 s\u0131\u011fd\u0131rabilen, dik ba\u015fl\u0131 bur\u00e7lar\u0131yla kararg\u00e2h\u0131m. Bir c\u00fcmle ile yerle yeksan olan tuzdan krall\u0131\u011f\u0131m. A\u015fk\u0131 i\u00e7in ka\u00e7 cephede sava\u015fm\u0131\u015f, beyaz \u00fcniformal\u0131 cesur komutan\u0131m. Her hay\u00e2l k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, kefenini eliyle diken k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck terzi yama\u011f\u0131m…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kalbim… Ayr\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n kavu\u015fmalara galip geldi\u011fi, eskimi\u015f veda sabahlar\u0131nda yollar biriktirdin. Uzayan, k\u0131vr\u0131lan, sanc\u0131yan mesafeleri g\u00fcnler boyu kat edip eli bo\u015f d\u00f6nd\u00fcn. Yoklu\u011funu kabul etmediklerinin, \u00f6nce sesleri \u00e7ekildi inzivaya sonra kokular\u0131. Ka\u00e7 oda i\u00e7inde ka\u00e7 sand\u0131k, her sand\u0131kta ka\u00e7 kilitli \u00e7ekmece… Mavi kanatlar\u0131yla havalanan, bulut rengi sa\u00e7lar\u0131 ya\u011fmur kokan, ad\u0131na t\u00fcm co\u011frafyalarda “Umut\u201d denen k\u0131z\u0131n, dilsiz kimliksiz varl\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadard\u0131 hik\u00e2yen. \u0130lk at\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 hay\u00e2l ve umutla ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftiren kalbim; \u00f6nce beklemeyi mi yoksa biriktirmeyi mi \u00f6\u011frendin? U\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131z malikanene mahzenini, yolun ortas\u0131nda m\u0131 son d\u00f6neme\u00e7te mi ekledin? Aidiyet hissetmedi\u011fim bu gezegendeki konuklu\u011fumda, ka\u00e7 kez kayboldumsa pusulam hep sendin. En \u00e7ok seni ve annemi dinledim. Gururla s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum ki senden ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n emrine girmedim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Benim asi, k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011fe muhalif, iyili\u011fe dost kalbim. Bir yan\u0131n y\u00fcce da\u011flar gibi vakur, di\u011fer yan\u0131n yetim \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n bayram sabah\u0131 gibi \u0131ss\u0131z… Se\u00e7ti\u011fin yaln\u0131zl\u0131kla m\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fcn, kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n kirine bula\u015fmamak i\u00e7in yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131na m\u0131 t\u00fcnedin? Adamlar seslerin u\u011fultusunda bo\u011fazlan\u0131rken mi, sa\u011f\u0131rlara gelen peygamber \u00e7arm\u0131ha \u00e7ekilirken mi anla\u015f\u0131lmaktan vazge\u00e7tin? Ka\u00e7 oda i\u00e7inde ka\u00e7 sand\u0131k, her sand\u0131kta ka\u00e7 kilitli \u00e7ekmece. \u015eiirlerce cennet, ger\u00e7ekler cinnet\u00e7e… Goethe\u2019nin, hassas kalplerin cehennemi oldu\u011funu s\u00f6yledi\u011fi d\u00fcnyan\u0131n c\u00fcce ruhlar\u0131na, dev anlamlar\u0131 ne vakit y\u00fckledin? Ate\u015fi ilk yakanla m\u0131, harlay\u0131p odun ta\u015f\u0131yanlarla m\u0131 cehennemi fark ettin? Eminim seni \u00fczd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm kadar kimseyi incitmedim. Kimselerin kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmak istemedi\u011fi usta heykeltra\u015f “Ac\u0131”n\u0131n at\u00f6lyesinde sana yeniden \u015fekil verdim. \u00dczerine at\u0131lan ta\u015flardan mahzenini in\u015fa ettim. 3. kata odalar, 2. kata kilitli sand\u0131klar, 1. kata ya\u015flanm\u0131\u015f d\u00fc\u015flerimi en dibe\u2026 Ba\u011f\u0131r \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r \u015fark\u0131lar s\u00f6yleyen, \u015fiirden kulesinde u\u00e7u\u015fan hayaller ard\u0131nda dans eden o k\u0131z\u0131 mahzenine kilitledim. Kalbim… G\u00fcn gelir g\u00f6rkemli hayali \u015fatolar, ger\u00e7e\u011fin \u00e7irkin kat\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131na yenilir. Bulut sa\u00e7l\u0131 umut yorulur k\u00f6\u015fesine \u00e7ekilir. Prens, k\u0131z\u0131n ayakkab\u0131 numaras\u0131n\u0131 unutur. Bedeli \u00f6denmi\u015f her hik\u00e2ye, konforuna d\u00fc\u015fk\u00fcn bir sefile sunulur. Ka\u00e7 oda i\u00e7inde ka\u00e7 sand\u0131k, her sand\u0131kta ka\u00e7 \u00e7ekmece. \u015eiirlerce cennet, ger\u00e7ekler cehennemce… Michelangelo’ya Davut heykelini nas\u0131l yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sorduklar\u0131nda; “O zaten mermerin i\u00e7inde sakl\u0131yd\u0131, ben sadece fazlal\u0131klar\u0131 att\u0131m” dedi\u011fi anlat\u0131l\u0131r. Fazlal\u0131klar\u0131ndan ar\u0131nman, ka\u00e7 y\u00fcz milyon at\u0131m\u0131n\u0131 ald\u0131, mahzeninin kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 aralay\u0131p o k\u0131z\u0131 yeniden g\u00fcne\u015fe \u00e7\u0131kartman, ka\u00e7 dehlizde nefessiz kald\u0131ktan sonra… Ve ka\u00e7 g\u00fcn bat\u0131m\u0131nda kefenlendikten sonra \u00f6\u011frendin, do\u011fan g\u00fcnle kendi kordonunu kesmeyi? K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm; epey zaman oldu \u00f6rg\u00fcl\u00fc sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcp taramayal\u0131, yeni masallar okumayal\u0131. G\u00fcne\u015fin en \u00e7ok girdi\u011fi oday\u0131 ay\u0131rd\u0131m sana. Kanavi\u00e7e i\u015fli beyaz patiskalar serdim yata\u011f\u0131na. \u00dczerine karanl\u0131k mahzenin rutubetli kokusu sinmi\u015f olsa da ald\u0131rma. Yolun kalan k\u0131sm\u0131nda bir nefeslikte olsa yan\u0131mdan ayr\u0131lma. Ka\u00e7 oda i\u00e7inde ka\u00e7 sand\u0131k, her sand\u0131kta ka\u00e7 kilitli \u00e7ekmece. \u00c7ocukluk cennet\u00e7e, b\u00fcy\u00fcmek cehennemce…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Derinlerden k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir k\u0131z\u0131n iniltisi geliyordu….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":296,"featured_media":12400,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11822"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/296"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11822"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11822\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12401,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11822\/revisions\/12401"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/12400"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11822"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11822"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}