Sadece elleri \u00fczerindeki \u00e7izgiler tarif edebiliyordu yorgunlu\u011funu\u2026 Kelimeler a\u011fz\u0131nda b\u00fct\u00fcnle\u015femiyordu. Y\u00fcre\u011fini hissetmeyeli uzun y\u0131llar olmu\u015ftu. Benli\u011fini ba\u015fkalar\u0131na kapad\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u0131llar boyunca, yorgunlu\u011fu kendisine yarenlik etmi\u015fti. Zaman, bitmek t\u00fckenmek bilmeyen h\u0131z\u0131yla ilerleyip dururken, kendisi zaman\u0131n \u00e7elmesiyle yere y\u0131\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00c7ocuk de\u011fildi. Dizlerinin yara bere i\u00e7erisinde kalmas\u0131n\u0131n da bir \u00f6nemi yoktu asl\u0131nda. Farkl\u0131 mek\u00e2nlarda ad\u0131m atabilmenin mutlulu\u011fu onun i\u00e7in tarifsizdi. Bir yoldan di\u011fer yola ge\u00e7iyordu. Hatta bazen kald\u0131r\u0131mlara al\u0131\u015fk\u0131n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan tuhaf bir hal i\u00e7erisine giriyordu. Oysaki daha \u00f6\u011frenmemi\u015fti, kald\u0131r\u0131mlar\u0131n yaln\u0131zlar ordug\u00e2h\u0131ndaki asli vazifesini\u2026 Elbette hayat denen me\u015fgale ona da \u00f6\u011fretiler sunacakt\u0131. Yaln\u0131zlar yuma\u011f\u0131ndaki varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n rayihas\u0131n\u0131 hissedecekti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Saatlere merakl\u0131yd\u0131. Yelkovan\u0131n, akrebi kovalad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rmezse eksik kalacak gibi olurdu. Baz\u0131 g\u00fcnler odas\u0131ndaki kanepenin kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda bulunan saate bakarak uzun mesailer harcard\u0131. Sonras\u0131nda bir bakars\u0131n uzunca y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc\u015flerde bulurdu kendini. \u00c7o\u011fu zamanlar hissetmenin derinli\u011fini ya\u015fard\u0131, i\u00e7erisinde. Att\u0131\u011f\u0131 ad\u0131mlarla var olmay\u0131 tan\u0131mlard\u0131. D\u00fcnya<\/a>n\u0131n a\u015fik\u00e2r y\u00fczs\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc kopar\u0131rd\u0131, takvim yapraklar\u0131ndan. Sonra manas\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa anlam katma u\u011fra\u015f\u0131na bula\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Ve yorgun d\u00fc\u015ferdi parmaklar\u0131n\u0131n ucundaki burukluklar\u0131\u2026 Mahzundu. Ormana dadanm\u0131\u015f motorlu testerenin sesini duyan a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n tedirginli\u011fini de b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bir yerlerde. Oturdu\u011fu masada parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n izleri vard\u0131. Yudumlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7ay\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fcs\u00fcne kap\u0131larak:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAcaba o nas\u0131ld\u0131? Elleri nas\u0131ld\u0131? Hala ayaklar\u0131n\u0131 s\u00fcrerek mi ufka ad\u0131m at\u0131yordu?\u201d gibi say\u0131ca fazla olsa da nitelik bak\u0131m\u0131ndan eksik sorular\u0131, \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fcn her d\u00f6nemine serpi\u015ftirmekten kendini al\u0131koyamazd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n S\u00f6z sanatlar\u0131na ihtiya\u00e7 duymuyordu. Asl\u0131nda hayat\u0131, toplum nezdinde \u00f6nemli dahi say\u0131lamayacak birka\u00e7 unsurdan ibaretti. \u00c7orak bir k\u00f6yde d\u00fcnyaya geldi. Yaln\u0131zl\u0131k dehlizinde gen\u00e7lik ya\u015fad\u0131. Sonras\u0131 demir parmakl\u0131klardan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc seyre dald\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015fu ana kadar hep bir s\u00fcr\u00fcncemeyle ge\u00e7ti. Onun olmazsa olmaz\u0131 saatleriydi. Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 efsunlu evde y\u0131llar\u0131n \u00fcstesinden gelmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken tek destek\u00e7isi saatleri olmu\u015ftu. Evin her odas\u0131nda ayr\u0131 bir saat vard\u0131. Bir odadan di\u011fer odaya ge\u00e7i\u015flerinde dahi yelkovan\u0131n akreple m\u00fccadelesini g\u00f6rmeliydi. Bir keresinde oturdu\u011fu odadan mutfa\u011fa gidecekti. Mutfa\u011f\u0131n saatinin her ne sebeple olursa olsun i\u015flemedi\u011fini fark etti. Bu hal onu d\u00fcped\u00fcz dengesizli\u011fe d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrmeye yetmi\u015fti. Saatlerce mutfa\u011fa ad\u0131m atamadan e\u015fikte beklerken bulmu\u015ftu kendini. \u0130\u015fleyen saatler, demir parmakl\u0131klar ard\u0131ndayken bug\u00fcnleri g\u00f6rmesini sa\u011flayan tek destek\u00e7isi konumundayd\u0131. Herkesin \u201cOlmas\u0131 gereken\u201d diye nitelendirdi\u011fi hayat\u0131n bir par\u00e7as\u0131 de\u011fildi. Olamazd\u0131. Anlams\u0131z kaidelerin mecburiyet r\u0131ht\u0131m\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir zaman yer edinememi\u015fti kendine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Sadece elleri \u00fczerindeki \u00e7izgiler tarif edebiliyordu…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":247,"featured_media":11581,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11577"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/247"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11577"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11577\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11577"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11577"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11577"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}