Bir k\u0131\u015f g\u00fcn\u00fc uyand\u0131m buzdan bir cehennemde. Ve art\u0131k katlanam\u0131yorum bu azg\u0131n so\u011fu\u011fa. Y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc \u0131s\u0131ran, derimi di\u015fleyen, i\u00e7ime i\u015fleyen, bu yapay, bu farazi, bu amans\u0131z so\u011fuk var ya, \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcyor t\u00fcm renk alg\u0131m\u0131 g\u00fcn be g\u00fcn. Art\u0131k i\u011freniyorum beyaz\u0131n her \u00e7e\u015fidinden. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc uyand\u0131m dedim ya, nerde uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm art\u0131k ya, kanmam, kanamam sonu olmayan bahar ill\u00fczyonlar\u0131na. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc kendimdeyim, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ayaktay\u0131m, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6lesiye titriyorum\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Katlanam\u0131yorum art\u0131k bu azg\u0131n so\u011fu\u011fa. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcyor g\u00f6zlerimin de\u011fdi\u011fi her manzara derinden. Tipiler vuruyor g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcme, kuytu bir k\u00f6\u015fe arayan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck kedilerin \u00fczerinden. Nefesim duman duman hayk\u0131r\u0131yor vah\u015fetleri sa\u011f\u0131r kald\u0131r\u0131mlara. Duyan yok, anlayan yok, hisseden yok. Sanki sesler gibi vicdanlar\u0131 da yutmu\u015f bu kar taneleri. Evlerin pahal\u0131 s\u0131ca\u011f\u0131ndan, ucuz bir anafor gibi yay\u0131l\u0131yor \u00e7aresizlik. Titreyen bir evsizin kaskat\u0131 kesilmi\u015f cesedinin kokusu \u00e7arp\u0131yor pencerelerin g\u00f6z g\u00f6z\u00fc g\u00f6rmeyen ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131na. Titriyorum, \u00f6lesiye titriyorum\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Katlanam\u0131yorum art\u0131k bu azg\u0131n so\u011fu\u011fa\u2026 Ayaz, ince bir \u00f6rt\u00fc gibi sar\u0131yor g\u00f6n\u00fcl \u015fehrimi. Migrenim alev alev kemiriyor ense k\u00f6k\u00fcm\u00fcn k\u00f6klerini. Bir tas \u00e7orba i\u00e7in \u00e7\u00f6p teneklerine \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6men sil\u00fcetler lanetliyor \u015fi\u015fkin mideleri. Is\u0131nmak bir bela, \u0131s\u0131nmak se\u00e7kinlere has, \u0131s\u0131nmak h\u0131rs\u0131zl\u0131k hakk\u0131. Annesinin koynuna saklanm\u0131\u015f bebeklerin d\u00fcnyadan habersiz uykular\u0131 d\u00f6n\u00fcyor, annelerin ah\u0131n\u0131 alan c\u00fczdanlar\u0131n \u015fi\u015fkin ceplerinde. Bulutlar g\u00fcrl\u00fcyor, bulutlar g\u00fcl\u00fcyor, bulutlar ordular halinde \u015fehre y\u00fcr\u00fcyor. Ve ben, kimsesiz sokaklarda kimliksizim. Ne yana gidece\u011fimi yollar bilmiyor, ben de bilmiyorum, \u00f6lesiye titriyorum\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Katlanam\u0131yorum art\u0131k bu azg\u0131n so\u011fu\u011fa\u2026 Bu so\u011fu\u011fu var edenlere, bu so\u011fukla saltanatlar kuran zebanilere, bu so\u011fu\u011fa tapanlara, bu so\u011fu\u011fun ger\u00e7e\u011fe g\u00f6zleri s\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 kapal\u0131 k\u00f6lelerine. Bir yer var biliyorum, yaz g\u00fcne\u015finin \u015fefkatli elleriyle ok\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir yer. Deli diyorlar bana, \u00e7ocuklar kar topu at\u0131yor, elleri buz kesmi\u015f yar\u0131 \u00f6l\u00fcler kazma k\u00fcrek\u2026 K\u00f6pekler par\u00e7al\u0131yor a\u00e7l\u0131ktan, \u00f6n\u00fcne her gelen k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck et par\u00e7alar\u0131n\u0131. S\u00fck\u00fbt dalga dalga yay\u0131l\u0131yor f\u0131rt\u0131nalarda. Ka\u00e7am\u0131yorum, \u00f6lesiye titriyorum\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Katlanam\u0131yorum art\u0131k bu azg\u0131n so\u011fu\u011fa\u2026 Bahar\u0131 ar\u0131yor zavall\u0131 yetimlerim. Soluk alam\u0131yor, g\u00f6remiyor, h\u0131zl\u0131ca y\u00fcr\u00fcyemiyorum. \u00dcst\u00fcme basa basa gidiyor h\u00fckmedenlerin h\u00fck\u00fcmdarl\u0131klar\u0131. Zindan zindan \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcyor evlerim mahpuslu\u011fumda. Ellerimi uzatsam sanki de\u011fece\u011fim, i\u015fte tam \u015furada, sanki yeti\u015fece\u011fim. I\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n g\u00f6z kama\u015ft\u0131ran h\u00fczmeleri orada i\u015fte, dokunam\u0131yorum. \u00c7\u0131\u011flar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131n yank\u0131s\u0131na. Bu so\u011fuktan, bu ayazdan ve bu ayaz\u0131n sahiplerinden \u00f6lesiye titriyor, \u00f6lesiye nefret ediyorum\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Katlanam\u0131yorum art\u0131k bu azg\u0131n so\u011fu\u011fa\u2026 \u00c7\u0131kar\u0131n beni buradan, gitmeliyim. Kimseye s\u00f6ylemeyece\u011fim, s\u00f6z, yapt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131. Bu beyaz \u00f6rt\u00fcn\u00fcz\u00fcn alt\u0131na g\u00f6md\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz cesetleri unutaca\u011f\u0131m. Benle mezara gidecek seri cinayetleriniz. Kimseye anlatmayaca\u011f\u0131m, bu k\u0131\u015f k\u0131yameti nas\u0131l bahar diye satt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 k\u00f6r al\u0131c\u0131lara. Bende kalacak t\u00fcm yalanlar\u0131n\u0131z, ger\u00e7ek beyaz\u0131n bu olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, siyah\u0131 beyaza boyad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 saklayaca\u011f\u0131m. B\u0131rak\u0131n art\u0131k beni, son verin bu sonsuz azab\u0131na ruhumun. Ben art\u0131k g\u00fcne\u015fi bulmaya gitmeliyim, b\u0131rak\u0131n, yalvar\u0131yorum. Diz \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm u\u00e7urumlar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n kenar\u0131nda i\u015fte. \u00d6lesiye titriyorum\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Bir k\u0131\u015f g\u00fcn\u00fc uyand\u0131m buzdan bir…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11466,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11465"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11465"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11465\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11465"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11465"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11465"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}