Hi\u00e7bir \u00e7a\u011f\u0131 sevemiyorum,
\nbu \u00e7a\u011fday\u0131m ve bu \u00e7a\u011fda \u00f6lece\u011fim
\nBen d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm rahmin yorgan\u0131n\u0131 be\u011fenemedim
\nBu rahimdeyim ve bu rahimde do\u011faca\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n
K\u0131sa zaman sonra b\u00fcy\u00fcyece\u011fim,
\n\u015fal\u0131m eteklerime b\u00f6l\u00fcnecek
\n\u00dcst\u00fcne insan sevmeyi \u00f6\u011frenece\u011fim
\nadamlar\u0131 sevmemeyi…
\nkad\u0131nlar\u0131n sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 koklayaca\u011f\u0131m,
\nbir erke\u011fin hem annesi hem kad\u0131n\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131m
\nbir \u00e7ocu\u011fun hem sa\u011f yan\u0131 hem sol yan\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131m
\nBen de\u011fi\u015fmeyen bir d\u00fcnyan\u0131n
\nde\u011fi\u015fen tek objesi olaca\u011f\u0131m ,
\nbiliyorum.<\/p>\n
Tepinmeyi \u00f6\u011frenece\u011fim ilerleyen dilimde
\ngen\u00e7 bir k\u0131z olaca\u011f\u0131m, ilk kez bir erke\u011fe ilgi duyaca\u011f\u0131m
\ng\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn bir ucuyla felsefe dinlerken
\ndi\u011fer ucuyla erke\u011fimi dinleyece\u011fim
\nsevece\u011fim ilk insan olacak o
\nannemden de \u00f6te…<\/p>\n
B\u00fcy\u00fcyece\u011fim,
\nbir kitaba gidecek elim,
\nbir ekmek po\u015fetine.
\nSe\u00e7emeden ayr\u0131laca\u011f\u0131m oradan,
\ni\u00e7im s\u00f6m\u00fcrecek kitaplar\u0131 ve i\u00e7im ta\u015flayacak ekmekleri
\nancak direnerek
\ns\u0131rt\u0131m\u0131 d\u00f6n\u00fcp \u015fal\u0131m\u0131n k\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131 ile ayr\u0131laca\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Gen\u00e7 k\u0131z olman\u0131n bilinci ile
\nsevmeye ba\u015flayaca\u011f\u0131m d\u00fcnyay\u0131
\nilk kez sevi\u015fmeyi \u00f6\u011frenece\u011fim,
\nilk kez titrek g\u00f6rece\u011fim d\u00fcnyay\u0131
\nilk kez yak\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131na kap\u0131laca\u011f\u0131m bu \u00e7a\u011f\u0131n
\nne mal oldu\u011funu bilmeden…
\nSonra,
\nEnsemin kaynad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6recek insanlar
\nd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerim ile evrim atlayaca\u011f\u0131m
\nancak asla bu \u00e7a\u011f\u0131 atlayamayaca\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Ben kendimi aitli\u011fime adayaca\u011f\u0131m,
\nne olursa olsun \u015fiirleri annem bilece\u011fim
\nbabam\u0131 m\u0131sra…
\nBir erke\u011fin g\u00fczel \u015fiir yazabilmesini isteyece\u011fim
\nd\u0131\u015fardan gelirken acele ile y\u00fcr\u00fcmesini
\nsa\u00e7lar\u0131mdan kopan k\u0131v\u0131lc\u0131mlar\u0131 teker teker
\nve teker teker \u00f6pmesini isteyece\u011fim.<\/p>\n
Ben b\u00fcy\u00fcyece\u011fim ancak
\n\u015fi\u015fman d\u00fcnyan\u0131n annesini de sorgulayaca\u011f\u0131m.
\nK\u0131z\u0131l a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n panikli\u011fi can\u0131m\u0131 ac\u0131tacak,
\nBilinmeyen a\u015fk\u0131n g\u00f6zene\u011fi neredeyse
\noraya temelimi ataca\u011f\u0131m.
\n\u00d6l\u00fcnce
\nOrgan\u0131m\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayaca\u011f\u0131m bu \u00e7a\u011fa biliyorum.<\/p>\n
Ben olgunla\u015faca\u011f\u0131m
\nve dinimi s\u00f6m\u00fcrenlerin \u00e7a\u011f\u0131nda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 farkedece\u011fim
\nilk kez nefret edece\u011fim d\u00fcnyadan.
\nt\u0131knaz bir gezegenin neresini incitebilirim
\nbilmiyorum.
\nAncak telafisiz bir intihar\u0131 y\u00fcceltece\u011fim
\n\u0130ntiharlarca intihar edece\u011fim bu \u00e7a\u011fdan<\/p>\n
Y\u00fcz\u00fcmdeki \u015fiirimi sayfalara d\u00f6\u015feyece\u011fim
\nFitil yakana kadar \u015fiir yazaca\u011f\u0131m
\nSevdi\u011fim adama \u015fiirler yazaca\u011f\u0131m
\nS\u00f6m\u00fcrgecilere yazaca\u011f\u0131m
\n\u015ei\u015fman d\u00fcnyan\u0131n faizci \u00e7a\u011f\u0131na yazaca\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Ben kad\u0131n olurken,
\ng\u00f6zlerimin rengini d\u00fcnyaya bulayaca\u011f\u0131m
\nKo\u015farken idam edece\u011fim ayaklar\u0131m\u0131
\nHer \u00fclkenin sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 ok\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131m
\nT\u00fcm rejimlerin duda\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6pece\u011fim
\nAncak asla sevemeyece\u011fim bu \u00e7a\u011f\u0131.<\/p>\n
T\u0131rnak i\u00e7i ile konu\u015faca\u011f\u0131m insanlarla
\nHer halimle karn\u0131ma diri bir beden isteyece\u011fim
\nt\u0131pk\u0131 kendimin var olmay\u0131 istememesi gibi
\nYine de var edece\u011fim kendi etimi.<\/p>\n
Ya\u015flanaca\u011f\u0131m.
\nbelki sa\u011f\u0131r belki k\u00f6r olaca\u011f\u0131m
\nbelki \u015fi\u015fman…
\nBelki kemik halimle son kez \u015fiir yazaca\u011f\u0131m
\nancak yine de sevemeyece\u011fim d\u00fcnyay\u0131.
\nSon intihar\u0131mla soluk alaca\u011f\u0131m
\nSon kez \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fmek isteyece\u011fim
\nsevdi\u011fim ilk insan\u0131n g\u00f6zlerinin iman\u0131yla
\nve \u00f6lece\u011fim kalbimi yan\u0131ma alarak,
\nbe\u011fenmedi\u011fim rahmin yorgan\u0131n\u0131 aktar\u0131p
\nbu \u00e7a\u011fdan nefret ederek.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi\u00e7bir \u00e7a\u011f\u0131 sevemiyorum, bu \u00e7a\u011fday\u0131m ve…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":219,"featured_media":11176,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[64],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11175"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/219"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11175"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11175\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11175"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11175"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11175"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}