Mart ay\u0131n\u0131n ortalar\u0131yd\u0131, hastane odas\u0131n\u0131n cam\u0131ndan d\u0131\u015far\u0131y\u0131 seyreden, 9-10 ya\u015flar\u0131ndaki Azra ayakta durmakta zorlan\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n
Homurtular \u00e7\u0131karan k\u0131zg\u0131n g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc, belli ki yine a\u00e7acakt\u0131 musluklar\u0131n\u0131. \u0130\u00e7ini bunaltan bu havalar\u0131 pek de sevmiyordu. Tek ki\u015filik k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck oda haftalard\u0131r h\u00fccresi olmu\u015ftu sanki. Metal a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131kl\u0131 hantal g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcml\u00fc yata\u011f\u0131n, hemen yan\u0131ndaki soluk renkli \u00e7ekmeceli komidin \u00fczerinde, anne-babas\u0131yla \u00e7ekildikleri foto\u011fraflar duruyordu. Mini buzdolab\u0131, tekli koltuk ve lavabonun oldu\u011fu k\u0131s\u0131mla hareket alan\u0131 olduk\u00e7a s\u0131n\u0131rl\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>\n
Son aylarda olduk\u00e7a kilo kaydetmi\u015f, sa\u00e7lar\u0131 d\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, bulant\u0131lar ve a\u011fr\u0131lar dayan\u0131lmaz hale gelmi\u015fti. Annesi haftada bir kez evlerine birka\u00e7 saatli\u011fine gider, temiz \u00e7ama\u015f\u0131r ile gereksinimlerini al\u0131p getirirdi.<\/p>\n
K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131z annesinin gidi\u015fiyle, tak\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc maskeyi \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r, k\u0131sa s\u00fcreli\u011fine g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6zg\u00fcr b\u0131rak\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Tam da o vakitlerde ayn\u0131 durumda olan di\u011fer ki\u015fiyse, B\u00fc\u015fra han\u0131mdan ba\u015fkas\u0131 de\u011fildi\u2026<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Hasta \u00e7ocuk, derman\u0131 kesilmi\u015f ayaklar\u0131ndaki ac\u0131ya ra\u011fmen bir ka\u00e7 ad\u0131m att\u0131, sa\u011f k\u00f6\u015fesinde renkli balonlar\u0131n oldu\u011fu beyaz \u00e7er\u00e7eveli resimli\u011fi ald\u0131 eline. Kocaman g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyi\u015fiyle ona sar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, d\u00fcnyan\u0131n en yak\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131, en pamuk seker kalpli adam\u0131na bak\u0131yordu \u015fimdi\u2026<\/p>\n
Babas\u0131na\u2026<\/p>\n
\u0130\u00e7indeki \u00f6zlemin a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131 c\u00fcssesinin tonlarca kat \u00fcst\u00fcndeydi. Muhtemelen babas\u0131 yan\u0131nda olsayd\u0131; g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc homurdanmayacak, \u015fark\u0131 s\u00f6yleyecekti. Duvarlar geceleri kesik ba\u015fl\u0131 canavarlar gibi \u00fczerine gelmeyecek, \u00e7ekileceklerdi.<\/p>\n
Vuruldu\u011fu say\u0131s\u0131z i\u011fne, kemoterapi can\u0131n\u0131 bunca yakmayacakt\u0131. Ve hatta l\u00f6semi ka\u00e7acak delik arayacak, arkas\u0131na bakmadan \u00e7ekip gidecekti.<\/p>\n
Babas\u0131 \u00f6len ya da uzakta olan \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n, babalar\u0131yla birlikte g\u00f6rd\u00fckleri akranlar\u0131na bakarken hissettiklerini, tasvir edecek bir c\u00fcmle hen\u00fcz en ba\u015far\u0131l\u0131 yazarlar\u0131n bile \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcmleyemedi\u011fi bir giz olarak beklemekte.<\/p>\n
Servisteki di\u011fer \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n, babalar\u0131yla olan payla\u015f\u0131mlar\u0131, Azra’n\u0131n yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcne vuran, daha \u00e7ok i\u00e7ine kapanmas\u0131na neden olan etkenlerden en b\u00fcy\u00fc\u011f\u00fcyd\u00fc.<\/p>\n
Bir bayram sabah\u0131nda reng\u00e2renk k\u0131yafetleri i\u00e7indeki k\u0131z\u0131n, babas\u0131n\u0131n elinden tutup, g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyi\u015fini olup olmad\u0131k yere d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fcrken, onu sessiz sedas\u0131z izleyen yamal\u0131 elbiseli, mendil satan di\u011fer k\u0131z\u0131n hissettikleri nas\u0131lsa biraz \u00f6yleydi i\u015fte…<\/p>\n
Komidinin minik \u00e7ekmecesini a\u00e7t\u0131, en \u00fcstteki babas\u0131ndan gelen son mektubu ald\u0131. Ellerinin \u00fczeri, kollar\u0131n\u0131n belli b\u00f6l\u00fcmlerindeki i\u011fne izlerinin yerleri, morun her tonunu anlat\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n
\u0130lk sayfadaki Kara kalem \u00e7izilmi\u015f resme bakt\u0131 uzun uzun.<\/p>\n
Orman\u0131n i\u00e7inde bir kul\u00fcbe, kul\u00fcbenin \u00f6n\u00fcndeki bah\u00e7ede masa, baba, anne ve \u00e7ocuk g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyen y\u00fczleriyle. A\u011fa\u00e7larda ku\u015flar, kelebekler…<\/p>\n
Muhtemelen babas\u0131n\u0131n oldu\u011fu yerde boyal\u0131 kalemler yasak oldu\u011fundan renksizdi resim.<\/p>\n
Yaz ay\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izmi\u015fti babac\u0131\u011f\u0131, ama sar\u0131 renk olmadan g\u00fcne\u015f, ye\u015fil olmadan a\u011fa\u00e7, mavi olmadan ev, turuncu kahve olmadan kelebekler nas\u0131l olursa o kadard\u0131 i\u015fte…<\/p>\n
“Can\u0131m\u0131n i\u00e7i g\u00fczeller g\u00fczeli k\u0131z\u0131m. Sana olan \u00f6zlemimi ya da sevgimi anlatabilece\u011fimi sanm\u0131yorum ama deneyece\u011fim.<\/p>\n
Hayat\u0131m boyunca iki kez \u00e7ok mutlu oldum… \u0130lki do\u011fdu\u011fun g\u00fcnd\u00fc, seni kuca\u011f\u0131ma ald\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, o g\u00fcne dek g\u00fczelli\u011fine benzer herhangi bir \u015fey g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc \u0130nan hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum ( Annen hari\u00e7 ). Minik ellerine, y\u00fcz\u00fcne dokunurken dahi, zarar g\u00f6receksin korkusuyla i\u00e7imin titredi\u011fini \u015fu an bile hissedebiliyorum. \u0130kincisi de baba dedi\u011fin g\u00fcnd\u00fc. Baba… Kendi babama bu g\u00fcne dek belki milyonlarca kez s\u00f6yledi\u011fim bu kelimeyi senin a\u011fz\u0131ndan duyman\u0131n, mutlulu\u011fu paha bi\u00e7ilemezdi, inan yavrucu\u011fum.<\/p>\n
Benim i\u00e7in \u00fcz\u00fclme iyiyim ben. Biliyor musun boncuktan ku\u015f yapmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendim. Sana \u00e7ok g\u00fczel reng\u00e2renk bir ku\u015f i\u015fledim. Her boncu\u011funda duam ve sevgim var…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Azra’n\u0131n g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 k\u00e2\u011f\u0131da d\u00fc\u015fmeye ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, kelimelere de\u011fiyor, harfler esneyip bi\u00e7im de\u011fi\u015ftiriyor ve ara ara siliniyordu.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Baba dedi baba, yutkundu yine baba dedi…<\/p>\n
B\u00fc\u015fra Han\u0131m kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcndeydi, hem\u015fireyle konu\u015fuyordu, tedavinin bu a\u015famas\u0131ndaki uygulamalarla ilgili bilgi al\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n
\u0130\u00e7erden h\u0131r\u0131lt\u0131yla kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k kesik kesik sesler duyup ko\u015ftular k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131z\u0131n yan\u0131na.<\/p>\n
\u2043\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Annem iyi misin?<\/p>\n
\u2043\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ku\u015f, boncuk – baba<\/p>\n
\u2043\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hem\u015fire han\u0131m, ne oluyor?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Tela\u015flanan hem\u015fire Azra’n\u0131n kayan g\u00f6zbebeklerini ve titreyen v\u00fccudunu g\u00f6r\u00fcnce, ko\u015farak \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131 odadan, doktoru \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rmak i\u00e7in.<\/p>\n
Elini tuttu annesi k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n, annem kuzum diye seslendi.<\/p>\n
\u2043\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Boncuk- ku\u015f – baba,\u00a0 dedi tekrar. Elinde tuttu\u011fu mektubu b\u0131rakmadan m\u0131r\u0131ldan\u0131yordu \u00e7ocuk.<\/p>\n
Bu hafta defalarda okudu\u011fu mektuptaki kelimeler yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 sanki solgun dudaklar\u0131na.<\/p>\n
K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ba\u015f\u0131 yana do\u011fru d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc, ayaklar\u0131 uzad\u0131, kollar\u0131 gev\u015fedi. G\u00f6zlerinin k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131nda bir iki damla ya\u015f vard\u0131 ve elinde s\u0131k\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131ya tuttu\u011fu babas\u0131n\u0131n mektubu.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
G\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc homurdan\u0131yordu, duvarlar kesik ba\u015fl\u0131 canavarlar gibi oday\u0131 istila ediyordu.<\/p>\n
Beklemenin \u0131zd\u0131rab\u0131na yenilmi\u015f k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir y\u00fcrek, reng\u00e2renk ku\u015flar\u0131n oldu\u011fu uzak \u00fclkeye g\u00f6\u00e7 ediyordu.<\/p>\n
\u015eehre ya\u011fmur ya\u011f\u0131yordu…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Mart ay\u0131n\u0131n ortalar\u0131yd\u0131, hastane odas\u0131n\u0131n cam\u0131ndan…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":296,"featured_media":10936,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10900"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/296"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10900"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10900\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}