\u00d6yle b\u00fcy\u00fck yanl\u0131\u015flar i\u00e7indeyiz ki do\u011frunun ne oldu\u011funu \u00e7oktan unuttuk. O kadar k\u00f6reldik ki karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inde, \u0131\u015f\u0131k g\u00f6zlerimizin nihai d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131 oldu. Yarasalardan rol \u00e7al\u0131yoruz art\u0131k. Geceler bizim, biz gecelerin olduk. Saatlerce s\u00fcren tavanla bak\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131z ard\u0131ndan aram\u0131zda hi\u00e7bir \u015fey ya\u015fanmad\u0131. Hi\u00e7 hata yapmayan, hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmayan insand\u0131r derler. Yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z her \u015feyin hata olmas\u0131, bizi ger\u00e7e\u011fin dehlizlerinden \u00e7ok uzaklara sevk etti. G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc a\u00e7mam\u0131z ve yummam\u0131z aras\u0131ndaki tek \u015fey birka\u00e7 puslu manzara, birka\u00e7 silik sil\u00fcet, birka\u00e7 yanl\u0131\u015f karar… Biz bu d\u00fcnyan\u0131n kahr\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ekmeye gelmi\u015f birka\u00e7 garipten biriyiz. Ve art\u0131k garipler sadece sigaralar\u0131n\u0131 yak\u0131yor bu d\u00fcnyada.<\/p>\n
Allah’\u0131n rahmetinden \u00fcmit kesmi\u015f de\u011filiz, biliyorum \u00f6lece\u011fiz. \u0130\u015fler bizim lehimize hi\u00e7 ger\u00e7ekle\u015fmemi\u015f\u00e7esine bir his tufan\u0131 var i\u00e7imde. Sanki ard\u0131ma d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda hi\u00e7 g\u00fclmemi\u015fim gibi. Hi\u00e7 kucaklamam\u0131\u015f gibiyim d\u00fcnya denen gezegeni. D\u00fcmenimin ve yelkenimin k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir gemide bir ummandan di\u011ferine \u00e7aresiz bir gidi\u015fteyim. Varaca\u011f\u0131m yerin \u00f6nemi yok. Var\u0131p varmamam\u0131n da \u00f6yle. Ben d\u00fcnyay\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7 talakta bo\u015fam\u0131\u015f ve her \u015feyini d\u00fcnyaya vadetmi\u015f bahts\u0131z bedeviyim. Ve her bedevi gibi neyin ne oldu\u011fundan bihaberim.<\/p>\n
Ne sabah programlar\u0131nda ne ak\u015fam haberlerinde ne s\u00fcrpriz son dakikalarda i\u00e7imizi ferahlatan tek bir \u015fey g\u00f6rmeyeli y\u0131llar oldu. Annelerin merhameti olmasa bu d\u00fcnya \u00e7oktan yok olurdu belki de. Anneler\u2026 \u201cAnne!\u201d deyince insan\u0131n i\u00e7inde hep bir \u015feyler eksik kal\u0131r. Anne diyince insan bir duraksar, yutkunur ve susar nedense. Anne, i\u00e7imizdeki g\u00fcllerin tek koruyan\u0131, i\u00e7imizdeki bahar\u0131n tek cemresi ve birka\u00e7 saniyelik g\u00fcn \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z.<\/p>\n
Rezil bir distopyan\u0131n i\u00e7ine hapsolmu\u015f gibiyim. Do\u011fru bir yat\u0131\u015f pozisyonu bile bulmu\u015f de\u011filim kendime; \u00e7eyrek as\u0131rdan uzun s\u00fcren bu hayat ser\u00fcvenimde. Ko\u015farak ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z her maraton daha yar\u0131ya gelemeden ci\u011ferlerimizin iflas\u0131yla son buldu. Yani d\u00fcnya kibar bir \u015fekilde ko\u015farak bir \u015feylerin ger\u00e7ekle\u015fmeyece\u011fini \u00f6\u011fretti bize. Bizi ta\u015f\u0131malar\u0131 i\u00e7in insanlara yalan \u00fcretmeliymi\u015fiz. Ne de olsa herkes yalanlara inanmaya muhta\u00e7. Karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7indeki ufac\u0131k bir k\u0131v\u0131lc\u0131m\u0131 g\u00fcne\u015f diye satabilirsin mesela. Haberler demi\u015ftim ya da i\u00e7imize diken tohumlar\u0131 sa\u00e7an haberler. Kararlar demi\u015ftim, hep yanl\u0131\u015f verdiklerimiz. Hatalar demi\u015ftim, her yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u015fey. Bir de yanl\u0131\u015flardan bahsetmi\u015ftim aziz dostum. O da ya\u015fama tutunma \u015feklimiz. Binbir \u015fik\u00e2yetle doktora gidip, kendini anlatma tela\u015f\u0131yla her maraz\u0131ndan biraz dem vurup, art arda h\u0131zl\u0131 h\u0131zl\u0131 konu\u015fan hasta gibiyim. Ne kar\u015f\u0131mda Lokman Hekim var, ne ben yaralar\u0131m\u0131n derdindeyim. Tek derdim, ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m nefesleri sebeplendirmek isterim. \u0130sterim ben de bin umutla ya\u015famak, isterim bir umuda s\u0131r\u0131ls\u0131klam ba\u011flanmak. \u0130sterim g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcmde ac\u0131s\u0131z bir havay\u0131 solumak ancak ne m\u00fcmk\u00fcn!.. Felaketlerden olu\u015fan bir dairenin y\u00f6r\u00fcngesine t\u00e2biyim. D\u00f6n\u00fcp dola\u015f\u0131p, d\u00f6n\u00fcp dola\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m yerdeyim. Olsun, hen\u00fcz son nefesimi vermedim, bu da bir \u015fey!<\/p>\n
T\u00fcm hafakanlar\u0131ma, t\u00fcm maruzatlar\u0131ma, t\u00fcm yeis kokan \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131ma kar\u015f\u0131n i\u00e7inde bast\u0131ramad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir ses N\u00e2z\u0131m’\u0131n bir c\u00fcmlesini y\u00fcre\u011fime dikenli tellerle nak\u015fediyor. \u201cBir umuttur ya\u015famak!\u201d Bir kez kaybetsemde bir umuttu ya\u015famak. Sabah ayaz\u0131nda it gibi titresem de ak\u015fam so\u011fuk yata\u011fa a\u00e7 kar\u0131nla girsem de \u00fcst\u00fcmde pirelere bir ziyafet versem de bir umuttur ya\u015famak. Milyon kere milyon tane yanl\u0131\u015f\u0131n, sefaletin, hatan\u0131n i\u00e7inde kafamda bin tane a\u00e7 tilkiyle konu\u015ftum. Sonra kendimle bir an ba\u015f ba\u015fa kald\u0131\u011f\u0131mda Yunus Emre geldi akl\u0131ma. \u201cHi\u00e7 hata yapmayan insan, hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmayan insand\u0131r.\u201d dedi.\u00a0 Ama ya her yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z hata olmu\u015fsa diyecektim ki ard\u0131mdan ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131 Samuel Beckett, \u201cHep denedin, hep yenildin. Olsun gene dene, gene yenil. Daha iyi yenil!\u201d Safsatalar silsilesi demek isterdim ama de\u011fil. A\u011fz\u0131m\u0131za kadar batakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inde de olsak, burnumuza kadar varm\u0131\u015f da olsa bu uzun yolda bir umuttur ya\u015famak!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00d6yle b\u00fcy\u00fck yanl\u0131\u015flar i\u00e7indeyiz ki do\u011frunun…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":10666,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10705"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10705"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10705\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10705"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10705"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10705"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}