Ben d\u00f6vmek istemiyorum asi k\u0131z,
\nderdi babam.
\nSen d\u00f6v diye yalvar\u0131yorsun.
\nBu s\u00f6z\u00fcn s\u00f6zler i\u00e7inde bir yeri vard\u0131.
\nBir temmuz g\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7e\u015fmeleri a\u00e7\u0131k unuttu\u011fumda
\nBu s\u00f6z as\u0131l anlam\u0131n\u0131 kavrad\u0131.<\/p>\n
Ge\u00e7ti apartman\u0131n \u0131slak basamaklar\u0131ndan,
\nGe\u00e7ti babam h\u0131zla koridorlar\u0131.
\nArd\u0131\u015f\u0131k tokatlar\u0131yla,
\nBu s\u00f6z beynimde \u00e7\u0131nlad\u0131.<\/p>\n
Elini tutup di\u015fledim babam\u0131n.
\nDamar kesildi, kand\u0131r akacak.
\nAma kan kesilince damardan s\u0131cak,
\ns\u0131ms\u0131cak pi\u015fmanl\u0131k bo\u015fand\u0131.<\/p>\n
\u201cGe\u00e7mi\u015finizi\u2026\u201d diye s\u00f6verdi en \u00e7ok babam.
\n\u00c7ocuk aklmla \u201cge\u00e7mi\u015f e\u015fittir mazi\u201d
\nSusard\u0131m ellerim dizimde.
\nS\u00f6v\u00fcl\u00fcr m\u00fc hi\u00e7 soyut bir \u015feye?
\nHem ne vard\u0131 ki
\non senelik mazimde?<\/p>\n
El \u00e2lem ne der, derdi hep annem.
\nBu s\u00f6z\u00fcn de s\u00f6zler i\u00e7inde vard\u0131 bir yeri.
\nBense anlam\u0131\u015f de\u011filim b\u00f6yle korkulardan.
\nKimdir el \u00e2lem, niye korkutur bu denli annemi?
\n\u0130slam\u2019\u0131n \u015fart\u0131 m\u0131d\u0131r el \u00e2lem?
\nAment\u00fc’n\u00fcn farz\u0131 m\u0131?<\/p>\n
Benim i\u015fim romanlar okumak o y\u0131llar,
\nG\u00fcnl\u00fck tutup s\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131 yazmak\u2026
\nS\u0131rlar\u0131m…
\nKom\u015fulara gelmi\u015f mektuplar\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131p okumak mesela gizlice.
\nBakkaldan \u00e7ikolata \u00e7almak,
\nArkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131n sa\u00e7 modelini k\u0131skan\u0131p hi\u00e7 be\u011fenmemi\u015f gibi yapmak,
\nKar\u0131nca dili biliyorum deyip
\nMahalledeki \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131ma toplamak,
\nSaks\u0131dan yaprak kopar\u0131p
\nkitap aralar\u0131nda kurutmak…
\nAh bir de sokak s\u00fcresi
\n\u00f6yle \u00e7abuk dolmasa…<\/p>\n
Mutluluk?
\nSemtime pek u\u011framazd\u0131,
\nSimli y\u0131lba\u015f\u0131 kartlar\u0131,
\nKarl\u0131 \u00e7am a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131,
\n\u00c7okomel varaklar\u0131 olmasa.<\/p>\n
\u201cEl \u00e2lem ne der\u201d derdi annem.
\nEl \u00e2lem ne der?
\nA\u011fz\u0131yla demese burnuyla derdi.
\nKa\u015f\u0131yla g\u00f6z\u00fcyle derdi.
\nYoldan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 bu k\u0131z derdi mesela..
\n\u00c7ekerek esta\u011ffurullah
\n\u0130ki k\u0131z dans etsek odam\u0131zda.
\nSahi neydi yoldan \u00e7\u0131kmak?
\nAllah Allah…<\/p>\n
Ba\u015f\u0131n s\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131nca bana gel, derdi
\nminno\u015f ananem.
\nKarl\u0131 da\u011fda bile
\nya\u015far\u0131m seninle, derdi.
\nG\u00fczele tavan\u0131n kulpu da yak\u0131\u015f\u0131r, derdi.
\n(bunun konumuzla ilgisi yok tabii)
\nEvet, ba\u015f\u0131n s\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131nca gel, derdi ananem.
\nBu s\u00f6z\u00fcn s\u00f6zler i\u00e7inde bir yeri vard\u0131.
\nPek ba\u015f\u0131m s\u0131k\u0131\u015fmad\u0131 o sa\u011f iken.
\n\u015eimdi s\u0131k\u0131\u015fsa bile nafile,
\nTopra\u011fa kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ananem,
\nkarl\u0131 bir tepede…<\/p>\n
Kalpsiz san\u0131rd\u0131m babam\u0131,
\nOysa varm\u0131\u015f.
\nB\u00fck\u00fcl\u00fcnce beli, d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcnce sa\u00e7lar\u0131
\nkalbi de ortaya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131.
\nBir kalbi var art\u0131k.
\nKalbi de var \u015fekeri de…
\nYavrucum, diyor
\n\u00d6zledim.
\n\u00c7amlar diktim bah\u00e7eye,
\nSizin i\u00e7in.<\/p>\n
\u00c7ok arad\u0131m.
\nSimli kartlar yok art\u0131k.
\nEski \u00e7amlar bardak oldu.
\n\u00c7okomel varaklar\u0131n\u0131
\nBuru\u015fturup at\u0131yorum.
\nN\u2019apay\u0131m evde \u00e7\u00f6p m\u00fc biriktireyim?
\nBas\u0131p ge\u00e7iyorum yapraklara.
\nRoman sevmiyorum.<\/p>\n
Ama y\u0131llar\u0131n eskitemedi\u011fi ses
\nArada k\u00fcllerinden do\u011fuyor.
\nDili demese g\u00f6z\u00fc diyor.
\nG\u00f6z\u00fc demese \u00f6z\u00fc
\nAma el \u00e2lem ne der?
\nNe der el \u00e2lem?<\/p>\n
Off off anne!<\/p>\n
B\u0131rak desinler anne!
\nZ\u0131kk\u0131m yesinler anne!<\/p>\n
……<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ben d\u00f6vmek istemiyorum asi k\u0131z, derdi…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":285,"featured_media":10665,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[53,64],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10703"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/285"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10703"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10703\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10703"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10703"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10703"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}