{"id":10513,"date":"2021-01-01T00:00:44","date_gmt":"2020-12-31T22:00:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=10513"},"modified":"2021-01-01T00:00:44","modified_gmt":"2020-12-31T22:00:44","slug":"sen-sen-degilsin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=10513","title":{"rendered":"Sen, Sen De\u011filsin"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cD\u00fcnyan\u0131n en basit, en zavall\u0131, hatta en ahmak adam\u0131 bile insan\u0131 hayretten hayrete d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrecek ne m\u00fcthi\u015f ve kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k bir ruha maliktir!.. Ni\u00e7in bunu anlamakta bu kadar ka\u00e7\u0131yor ve insan dedikleri mahluku anla\u015f\u0131lmas\u0131 ve hakk\u0131nda h\u00fck\u00fcm verilmesi en kolay \u015feylerden biri zannediyoruz? Ni\u00e7in ilk defa g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz bir peynirin evsaf\u0131 hakk\u0131nda s\u00f6z s\u00f6ylemekten ka\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z halde ilk rast geldi\u011fimiz insan hakk\u0131nda son karar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 verip g\u00f6n\u00fcl rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla \u00f6teye ge\u00e7iveriyoruz?\u201d
\n<\/em>\u00a0-Sabahattin Ali<\/p>\n

\u0130\u00e7imde ge\u00e7mi\u015fe dair ak\u0131l almaz bir \u00f6zlem var. \u0130lk \u00e7ocukluk, ergenlik ve gen\u00e7lik zamanlar\u0131m\u0131n t\u00fcm pembe r\u00fcyalar\u0131ndan uyand\u0131m. Zaman \u00f6n\u00fc al\u0131namaz bir salg\u0131n gibi ilerlerken devaml\u0131, ben d\u00fcnden d\u00fcne savrulup duruyorum. T\u00fcm kay\u0131plar\u0131ma ra\u011fmen tekrar ba\u015flamak istiyorum.<\/p>\n

Bazen etraf\u0131 izleyip; basit, \u00f6nemsiz, alel\u00e2de insanlara bak\u0131p belki biraz da k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmseyerek ge\u00e7ip giderdim. Bilmezdim her insan\u0131n i\u00e7inde kocaman deryalar oldu\u011funu. Bilmezdim her insan\u0131n kendi ba\u015f\u0131na koskoca bir evren oldu\u011funu. Ve bilmezdim kendimin de o basit insanlardan biri oldu\u011funu. Art\u0131k \u00e7ok ge\u00e7 olsa da \u00f6\u011frendim.<\/p>\n

Binlerce y\u0131ll\u0131k bu d\u00fcnya d\u00fczeninde ufac\u0131k bir zerre bile olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ger\u00e7e\u011fini kabullendirdim zihnime. Art\u0131k ba\u015frol\u00fcnde oldu\u011fum masallar yazm\u0131yorum. Art\u0131k fark\u0131nday\u0131m ger\u00e7e\u011fin; t\u00fcm \u00e7\u0131plakl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla! Belki de \u00f6yle san\u0131yorum. Cehaleti t\u00fcm h\u00fccrelerimde hissediyorum. Hissediyorum t\u00fcm budalal\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131, \u00e7ocukluklar\u0131m\u0131, yalanlar\u0131m\u0131 ve yanl\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131. G\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm r\u00fcyalardan da uyand\u0131m. Ve bunun sebebi sa\u00e7lar\u0131ma d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f birka\u00e7 tel ak de\u011fil! Sadece biraz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Biraz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek yani ger\u00e7ekten d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek, y\u0131llarca ya\u015famaktan \u00e7ok daha fazla \u015fey \u00f6\u011fretti bana. T\u00fcm bu bilgilerimle \u00f6\u011frendim cahilli\u011fimi.<\/p>\n

Saatlerce konu\u015fup hi\u00e7bir \u015fey anlatmayan bir adam tad\u0131nda ge\u00e7ti hayat\u0131m. Bombo\u015f! Ve ben bu sonsuz bo\u015flu\u011fu, kalbime hafif bir vuru\u015ftan sonra \u00e7\u0131kan \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klardan anlayabiliyorum. Yank\u0131 yank\u0131 \u00e7arp\u0131yor y\u00fcz\u00fcme, nasihat etmek isteyen bir baban\u0131n \u00e7ocu\u011funun y\u00fcz\u00fcne \u00e7arpmas\u0131 gibi.<\/p>\n

Kand\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n fark\u0131nday\u0131m. Saruman’\u0131n<\/em> idaresindeki Theoden<\/em> gibi ge\u00e7mi\u015f hayat\u0131m, g\u00f6lgelerin arkas\u0131nda. G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn i\u00e7ine soktu\u011fumuz narsistlik, d\u00fcnyan\u0131n y\u00f6r\u00fcngesini belirledi\u011fimize dair fikirler, her \u015feyin ve herkesin merkezinde olu\u015fumuz, t\u00fcm ahmakl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z, t\u00fcm kurgular\u0131m\u0131z… Sokakta y\u00fcr\u00fcyen alel\u00e2de insanlardan biriyim. Kuru kalabal\u0131klar i\u00e7indeki basit bir y\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan gayr\u0131s\u0131 de\u011filim.<\/p>\n

D\u00fcnya ya\u015famak i\u00e7in \u00e7ok k\u0131sa. Zamansa unutmak ve kendini unutturmak konusunda olduk\u00e7a usta. Yani bast\u0131\u011f\u0131m topra\u011fa basan binlerce \u00f6l\u00fc var topra\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131nda. Biliyorum ben de bir \u00f6l\u00fc aday\u0131y\u0131m her h\u00e2l\u00fck\u00e2rda. Geldik, g\u00f6rd\u00fck, gitmeyecek gibi durduk, gittik. Hay\u0131r, bu yaz\u0131n\u0131n konusu \u00f6l\u00fcm de\u011fil. Hay\u0131r, kibir de de\u011fil. As\u0131l konu hepimizin kand\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131d\u0131r. Zaman taraf\u0131ndan. Evet, taraf\u0131ndan. As\u0131l mesele akrep ve yelkovan aras\u0131ndaki gayrime\u015fru ili\u015fki. Hi\u00e7 hareket etmeden duruyormu\u015f gibi duran ama asl\u0131nda hi\u00e7 durmadan hareket eden bir lanetin i\u00e7indeyiz. Verdi\u011fimiz her karar, kurdu\u011fumuz her plan, yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z her tercih sonucunda geldi\u011fimiz nokta; boktan! Binilmesi gereken t\u00fcm gemileri ka\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131k \u00e7oktan. Elimizde su alan bir sandal kald\u0131. Ve de art arda s\u0131ralad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z masum yalanlar. Bak, bu da masum bir yalan…<\/p>\n

Ge\u00e7mi\u015fe d\u00f6n\u00fcp kendimi g\u00f6rseydim, derdim ki: \u201cO\u011flum, salakl\u0131k etme! Ne sen kurdu\u011fun ki\u015fisin ne \u00e7evrendekiler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn kadar basit. Ne de zaman g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc kadar adil. Ne d\u00fcnde kalanlar ne yar\u0131n olacaklar \u00f6nemli. Elindeki tek hazine i\u00e7inde bulundu\u011fun an.\u201d Ya da bo\u015f verirdim hepsini, sadece tek bir c\u00fcmle s\u00f6yleyip ka\u00e7ar giderdim: \u201cMerhaba geri zekal\u0131!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00c7eyrek as\u0131r \u00f6m\u00fcr, bir o kadar da d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce girdaplar\u0131 sonras\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir \u015fey olu\u015fum hayli kararl\u0131 oldu. Yar\u0131n uyanmasam belki \u00f6b\u00fcr g\u00fcn ben bile unutabilirim kendimi. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ne ben o masaldaki kahraman\u0131m ne de zaman g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc kadar nazik. Baba olma tela\u015f\u0131yla bekleyen adam\u0131n \u00f6mr\u00fcnden \u00f6m\u00fcr \u00e7alan dakikalar uzunlu\u011funda de\u011fil hi\u00e7bir g\u00fcn. Seneler, saatlerden rol \u00e7al\u0131yor adeta. Ve t\u00fcm bu kimlik karma\u015fas\u0131nda hayat eskisi kadar berrak de\u011fil. Toprak etimize a\u00e7; zaman ruhumuza…<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n tecr\u00fcbelerini tecr\u00fcbe etmek aptall\u0131kt\u0131r derler. Ben bu aptall\u0131\u011f\u0131 iliklerime kadar hissedip yerimi s\u0131radaki aptala b\u0131rak\u0131yorum. \u0130yi oyunlar diliyorum.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cD\u00fcnyan\u0131n en basit, en zavall\u0131, hatta…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":10496,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10513"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10513"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10513\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10513"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10513"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10513"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}