Arada foto\u011fraf at\u0131yor ayn\u0131 yerde \u00e7ekilmi\u015f. Salondaki dantel \u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fc masan\u0131n yan\u0131nda sandalyeye oturmu\u015f ak\u015fam g\u00fcne\u015fi oday\u0131 ayd\u0131nlat\u0131yor. Cama s\u0131ralanm\u0131\u015f kalender menek\u015feler aras\u0131nda g\u00fczel y\u00fcz\u00fc anlatt\u0131klar\u0131yla birlikte zihnimde gen\u00e7le\u015fiveriyor. Babamla olan hik\u00e2yelerini ilk kez anlat\u0131yormu\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na hevesle en ba\u015ftan ba\u015fl\u0131yor. Sesine ku\u015flar konuyor bende sessizce dinliyorum.<\/p>\n
_ Aram\u0131zda yedi ya\u015f vard\u0131 bizim. Ben baban\u0131n Aylin\u2019e yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 mektuplar\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m yoksa topumuzu ka\u00e7\u0131r\u0131r vermezdi. Sonra bir ka\u00e7 yaz g\u00f6remedim onu. Bir daha ki kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmam\u0131zda tan\u0131yamad\u0131 beni biliyor musun? Y\u00fcz\u00fcnde ki \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131k bug\u00fcn gibi akl\u0131mda o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131z nas\u0131l bu kadar b\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f serpilmi\u015fti. Benim i\u00e7in yazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcne \u00e7ad\u0131r m\u0131 kurmad\u0131, Selami \u015eahin\u2019den Al\u0131\u015fmak sevmekden zor \u015fark\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 m\u0131 s\u00f6ylemedi, ahh neler neler\u2026 \u0130\u00e7imde bir s\u0131z\u0131 var bu g\u00fcne d\u00f6nemiyorum. Sanki ak\u015fam m\u00fcsaitseniz size gelecez diye \u00e7al\u0131yor\u00a0 kap\u0131, haval\u0131 kornal\u0131 arabalar ge\u00e7iyor sokaktan, hepsi son ses Behiye Aksoy dinliyor, giydi\u011fim \u00e7oraplar hala parizyen. Bal sar\u0131s\u0131 fayanslar\u0131 olan balkonumda ortancalar \u00e7i\u00e7ek a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f arabam\u0131za karpuz dilimi \u00f6rerek baban\u0131n gelmesini bekliyor gibiyim. \u00a0Nereden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 bu hastal\u0131k Sedef ne g\u00fczel ya\u015fay\u0131p gidiyorduk biz\u2026<\/p>\n
-Anne tamam bak karantina bitiyor bir ka\u00e7 g\u00fcne kadar l\u00fctfen yapma b\u00f6yle. Gelecem konu\u015facaz, sar\u0131lacaz, bi\u015fey de\u011fi\u015fmeyecek ama olsun a\u011flama art\u0131k zaten zor nefes al\u0131yorsun. Ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilememenin \u00e7aresizli\u011fine birde hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n yak\u0131n mesafe kural\u0131 eklenince insan \u00f6ylece kalakal\u0131yor. O g\u00fcn ambulans\u0131n arkas\u0131ndan bakarken akl\u0131ma gelen ilk \u015fey bundan sonra nas\u0131l devam edece\u011fim oldu. K\u0131rk ya\u015f\u0131nda insan\u0131n ilk akl\u0131na bu mu gelir geldi i\u015fte. Babas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ok erken ya\u015fta kaybeden bir arkada\u015f\u0131m \u201d hayatta olsayd\u0131 babam benim gelece\u011fime nas\u0131l y\u00f6n verirdi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesiyle ge\u00e7iyor \u00f6mr\u00fcm \u201cdemi\u015fti. Anlatmak istedi\u011fi tam olarak buydu galiba. Babam\u0131 veban\u0131n usullerine g\u00f6re apar topar defnederek anneme sar\u0131l\u0131p a\u011flamay\u0131 karantinan\u0131n biti\u015f g\u00fcn\u00fcne erteledim.<\/p>\n
Erteleyemedi\u011fim durumlar da vard\u0131 kendi hayat\u0131mla, bo\u015fanma davas\u0131n\u0131n g\u00fcn\u00fc gibi. Babamla gitmeyi planlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Anla\u015fmal\u0131 bir bo\u015fanma oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in kimse hikayemizle ilgilenmeyecek hakim surat\u0131m\u0131za bile bakmadan be\u015f dakikada bo\u015fayacakt\u0131. Sonrada i\u015fte babamla k\u0131zlar\u0131n gelece\u011finden bahseder, yaln\u0131z ya\u015faman\u0131n zorluklar\u0131ndan konu\u015farak yeni hayat\u0131ma bir yerden ba\u015flamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. Ama gere\u011finden fazla duygusal davran\u0131p olur olmad\u0131k yerde a\u011flay\u0131nca, h\u00e2kim de haz\u0131r olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp duru\u015fmay\u0131 bir ay sonraya erteledi. Aylard\u0131r haz\u0131r oldu\u011fum tek planl\u0131 \u015feyden de istedi\u011fim sonucu alamay\u0131p yine e\u015fimle evimize d\u00f6nd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n
Bu g\u00fcn de i\u015fte d\u00f6rt ku\u015fak topland\u0131k anneannemi annemin evine ta\u015f\u0131yoruz,\u00a0 ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 alt\u0131nda an\u0131lar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnden ge\u00e7iyoruz. Aya\u011f\u0131 aksayan zigonlar, vintage diye \u015fu an kabul g\u00f6ren fincanlar, dedemin gazilik ni\u015faneleri, ka\u00e7 y\u0131l\u0131nda \u00e7ekildi\u011fi unutup \u0131slarla hat\u0131rlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z foto\u011fraflar… Vitrinin i\u00e7inden elime ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m foto\u011fraf ise annemle babam\u0131n. Pamuklu kuma\u015f bir perdenin \u00f6n\u00fcndeler. Annemin sa\u00e7lar\u0131 permal\u0131, belden oturtma geometrik desen boydan bir elbise var \u00fcst\u00fcnde. Yaka detay\u0131ndaki parlamadan kuma\u015f\u0131n\u0131n farkl\u0131 oldu\u011funu anlayabildi\u011fim siyah tak\u0131m elbisesi ile yan\u0131nda babam. \u00dcst\u00fcnden k\u0131rk y\u0131l ge\u00e7mi\u015f foto\u011fraf\u0131n ama kim eline alsa ne kadar \u015f\u0131klarm\u0131\u015f diyebilece\u011fi t\u00fcrden sanki bir dergi kapa\u011f\u0131. Babam\u0131n anneme bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan, annemin y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki \u0131\u015f\u0131ktan ne kadar sevildi\u011fi anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131yor. Bug\u00fcn markette koli band\u0131yla zorla bir araya getirilmi\u015f promosyon \u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fc yo\u011furt ve bula\u015f\u0131k teli gibi alakas\u0131z \u00e7iftlere hi\u00e7 benzemiyorlar.\u00a0 Foto\u011frafa dalg\u0131n dalg\u0131n bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce annem,hemen elindeki i\u015fi b\u0131rak\u0131p geliyor. Duygulan\u0131r \u015fimdi diye foto\u011fraf\u0131 alel acale yerine b\u0131rak\u0131p kendinden s\u0131r\u0131n\u0131 atm\u0131\u015f aynay\u0131 elime al\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n
-\u00c7ok g\u00fczelmi\u015f bu ya anneanne benim olsa olur mu? Aynay\u0131 methedi\u015fime meraklan\u0131p ikisi de s\u0131ralan\u0131yorlar arkama.<\/p>\n
-Be\u011fendiysen olsun. As bir yere beni an g\u00f6rd\u00fck\u00e7e.<\/p>\n
-Asar\u0131m ya asmaz m\u0131y\u0131m hi\u00e7.<\/p>\n
Kime sorsan bunlar\u0131n akraba diyebilece\u011fi e\u015flerinin genetik miras\u0131ndan nasibini alamam\u0131\u015f, ayn\u0131 ten de, ayn\u0131 g\u00f6z renginde \u00fc\u00e7 kad\u0131n aynan\u0131n d\u00f6k\u00fclen s\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda birden \u00a0g\u00f6z g\u00f6ze geliyoruz.<\/p>\n
G\u00fclme geliyor bir an\u201d ya alt\u0131 ayda nas\u0131l dul kald\u0131k biz \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcm\u00fcz \u201cdeyip bas\u0131yorum kahkahay\u0131.<\/p>\n
-Biz dul kald\u0131k sana ne oluyor t\u00f6vbe esta\u011ffurullah. Konu\u015fma k\u0131zlar\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda b\u00f6yle \u015feyler.<\/p>\n
-\u00d6ylede bo\u015fanana da dul deniyor.<\/p>\n
-Hem dur bakal\u0131m belki bo\u015famaz hakim. Sen hakimden daha m\u0131 iyi bilecen onlar neler g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr.<\/p>\n
-Ay anneanne bunu tart\u0131\u015fmayaca\u011f\u0131m seninle deyip tekrar i\u015fe koyuluyoruz.<\/p>\n
Ak\u015fama kadar e\u015fyalar\u0131n vazge\u00e7ebildiklerimizden vazge\u00e7ip baz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 da s\u0131rf anneannemin g\u00f6nl\u00fc olsun diye vazge\u00e7ememi\u015f gibi yap\u0131p evin bodrumuna kapatt\u0131k. Birlikte ya\u015famay\u0131 unutmu\u015f iki kad\u0131n k\u0131rk y\u0131l \u00f6nce ayr\u0131l\u0131rken, e\u015flerini kaybedip tekrar ayn\u0131 evde ya\u015famay\u0131 hayal etmemi\u015flerdi. Ama anneannemin tav\u0131rlar\u0131nda bir kabulleni\u015f, vakit saat dolduruyorum art\u0131k, nerede ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n \u00f6nemi yok vurgusu bariz. Annem ise kimse olmasa da an\u0131lar\u0131yla evi doldurmu\u015f durumda. \u0130\u015fleri biraz kolaylay\u0131nca hep birlikte anneme gidiyoruz. Anneannemin y\u0131llard\u0131r ters \u00e7evirip fal kapatmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 fincanlarda bize \u00e7\u0131kan yollara bakar\u0131z, yorgunlu\u011fumuzu al\u0131r belki diye mutfa\u011fa kahve yapmak i\u00e7in giriyorum.<\/p>\n
Ben elimde kahve fincanlar\u0131yla balkona y\u00fcr\u00fcrken Polatl\u0131\u2019n\u0131n ortas\u0131ndan ge\u00e7en a\u011f\u0131r y\u00fck treninin sesi duyuluyor. Emniyet \u015feridi iniyor, cadde ge\u00e7meyi bekleyen sab\u0131rs\u0131z insanlar aras\u0131nda ikiye b\u00f6l\u00fcn\u00fcyor. Anneannem s\u0131rt\u0131nda \u015fal\u0131, ba\u015f\u0131nda beyaz t\u00fclbenti.\u00a0 Anneme d\u00f6n\u00fcp<\/p>\n
-\u2018Aman buran\u0131nda bu g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fc her g\u00fcn bunu mu dinleyecez\u2019 diyor.<\/p>\n
-Annem ne demek bunu mu dinleyecez manzaras\u0131 yeter evimin diyor. Anneannemle ben \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131ktan birbirimize bak\u0131p acaba bizim g\u00f6remedi\u011fimiz neyi kastediyor olabilir diyoruz.<\/p>\n
-\u2018Gayet kendinden emin bir tav\u0131rla biz Kenan\u2019la kahve i\u00e7erken bana gemi d\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc gibi gelirdi o tren sesi. Kar\u015f\u0131da u\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131z deniz varm\u0131\u015f gibi\u2019 diyor. O an anl\u0131yorum kendi tahamm\u00fcls\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc, ge\u00e7imsizli\u011fimi. Bir \u015feyi sanmakla olmak aras\u0131ndaki ince \u00e7izginin ya\u015fam\u0131ma olan sirayetini. Sanmak i\u00e7inde umutlar, hevesler bar\u0131nd\u0131r\u0131rken olmak ne kadar ac\u0131mas\u0131z ve k\u00f6\u015feli. Annem sanarak mutlu olman\u0131n yollar\u0131n\u0131 hep buldu t\u0131pk\u0131 \u015fimdiki gibi. Bende olman\u0131n mutsuzlu\u011funda, kal\u0131n duvarlar\u0131na \u00e7arparak yalpalad\u0131m. Sirenler sustu, bizde denize kar\u015f\u0131 kahve i\u00e7iyormu\u015f gibi sanarak fincanlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 kapatt\u0131k.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Arada foto\u011fraf at\u0131yor ayn\u0131 yerde \u00e7ekilmi\u015f….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":244,"featured_media":10407,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10426"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/244"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10426"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10426\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10426"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10426"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10426"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}