{"id":10368,"date":"2020-11-01T20:56:30","date_gmt":"2020-11-01T18:56:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=10368"},"modified":"2020-11-01T20:56:30","modified_gmt":"2020-11-01T18:56:30","slug":"herkes-gitti-ruzgar-kaldi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/?p=10368","title":{"rendered":"Herkes Gitti R\u00fczg\u00e2r Kald\u0131"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cHerkes gitti, r\u00fczg\u00e2r kald\u0131. Beklenmedik bir r\u00fczg\u00e2r de\u011fildi. \u00d6n\u00fcnde sonunda gelecek, deli gibi \u00e7arpan kalbimizi ikiye ay\u0131racak, sokaklara h\u00fck\u00fcmran olacakt\u0131.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ya\u011fmur kokuyordu sokak, ayr\u0131l\u0131k kokuyordu. Bir k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131 s\u00fcr\u00fckl\u00fcyordu r\u00fczg\u00e2r. Bir kalbi parampar\u00e7a ediyordu adam. Bir ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7ine \u00e7ekiyordu kad\u0131n s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131 a\u011fac\u0131n alt\u0131nda. <\/em><\/p>\n

Kim daha \u00f6fkeliydi? Adam m\u0131, r\u00fczg\u00e2r m\u0131? \u201cAyr\u0131lal\u0131m.\u201d demi\u015fti. G\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs kafesi yar\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 kad\u0131n\u0131n, elleri bir su\u00e7lu gibi lekeliydi adam\u0131n.<\/em><\/p>\n

Bir ak\u015fam\u00fcst\u00fc dura\u011fa do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcyorduk seninle. O hep y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz karanl\u0131k sokakta… \u0130\u015ften ge\u00e7 \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131k; sokaklar tenhala\u015fm\u0131\u015f, insanlar evlerine \u00e7ekilmi\u015flerdi. G\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc delice d\u00f6ven r\u00fczg\u00e2ra kay\u0131ts\u0131zd\u0131k. \u0130\u00e7imiz \u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor, aylard\u0131r s\u0131cac\u0131k tuttu\u011fumuz kalbimiz \u00f6fke dolu r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131m\u0131za yeniliyordu. \u0130kimiz de sessizdik, s\u00f6z\u00fc saz\u0131 r\u00fczg\u00e2ra b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f yan yana iki yorgun beden olarak \u00f6ylece duruyorduk. O esip g\u00fcrl\u00fcyor, bizim ad\u0131m\u0131za konu\u015fuyor, veryans\u0131n ediyordu. Pe\u015finden ya\u011fmuru da getirmi\u015fti \u00fcstelik. Demek g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn grili\u011fi de tan\u0131kl\u0131k edecekti bize.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u015e\u00f6yle ge\u00e7elim istersen; ya\u011fmur \u00e7iseliyor, birazdan h\u0131zlanacak.\u201d dedin. Soka\u011f\u0131n yamac\u0131ndaki s\u00f6\u011f\u00fcd\u00fcn alt\u0131na s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131k. Ya\u011fmurdan ka\u00e7\u0131yorduk ama r\u00fczg\u00e2ra s\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz ge\u00e7miyordu. Ondan ka\u00e7mam\u0131z m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildi art\u0131k.<\/p>\n

Sessizli\u011fimizi soka\u011f\u0131n k\u00f6\u015fe ba\u015f\u0131ndan k\u0131vr\u0131lan pilav arabas\u0131n\u0131n g\u0131c\u0131rdayan teker sesi bozdu. Pilavlar bitmi\u015f, usta b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcc\u00fcyle arabas\u0131n\u0131 yoku\u015f yukar\u0131 itiyordu. Evine gidiyor olmal\u0131yd\u0131. Araba yakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a c\u0131z\u0131rdayan radyo sesi yerini g\u00fczel bir t\u00fcrk\u00fcye b\u0131rakt\u0131. Usta en sonunda arad\u0131\u011f\u0131 istasyonu bulmu\u015f olmal\u0131yd\u0131. Sessizli\u011fin i\u00e7inde \u00e7\u0131nlayan bir erkek sesi \u00e7al\u0131nd\u0131 kula\u011f\u0131m\u0131za. Olduk\u00e7a i\u00e7li s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu:<\/p>\n

Ela g\u00f6zl\u00fcm ben bu elden gidersem<\/em>
\nZ\u00fclf\u00fc peri\u015fan\u0131m kal melul melul
\nKerem et akl\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131karma beni
\nA\u011fla g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sil melul melul<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p>\n

O an ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z ve kurdu\u011fumuz hayaller bir film \u015feridi gibi ge\u00e7ti g\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6n\u00fcnden. D\u00fcnyaya ayn\u0131 g\u00f6zlerle ayn\u0131 yerden bak\u0131yorduk. Olmak isteyip olamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, ya\u015famak isteyip ya\u015fayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z her \u015feyin ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 noktas\u0131nda duruyorduk. Avucum avucunda, ayn\u0131 hislerle dokunuyorduk birbirimize.<\/p>\n

Uzun uzun konu\u015fuyorduk: \u201cAyn\u0131 evde ayn\u0131 sabaha birlikte uyanmak… G\u00f6zlerimi a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131mda ilk seni g\u00f6rmek ne b\u00fcy\u00fck bir mutluluk olurdu de\u011fil mi?\u201d diyordum \u00e7ocuk\u00e7a bir sevin\u00e7le. Elimi tutup g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyor, \u0131\u015f\u0131ldayan g\u00f6zlerinle onayl\u0131yordun beni.<\/p>\n

\u0130kimiz de dalg\u0131nd\u0131k. Ben yaln\u0131zca y\u00fcre\u011fimdeki ac\u0131y\u0131 hissediyor, derin solumalar\u0131n\u0131 dinliyordum. Yan\u0131ndayken senden ba\u015fka hi\u00e7bir \u015fey umurumda olmazd\u0131. Sen bu ketum sessizli\u011fin ortas\u0131nda ne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordun, hi\u00e7 bilmiyordum. G\u00f6zlerini benden ka\u00e7\u0131r\u0131rken dudaklar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131ndaki t\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fc ci\u011ferini soldursun diye uzun uzun i\u00e7ine \u00e7ekiyordun. G\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs kafesin dumanl\u0131, y\u00fcz\u00fcn g\u00f6lgeliydi.<\/p>\n

\u00d6fkesi gittik\u00e7e artan r\u00fczg\u00e2r aram\u0131za girmesin diye sana do\u011fru sokuldum usulca. \u015eimdi daha yak\u0131nd\u0131k, aram\u0131zdaki mesafe kapanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Birbirimizi g\u00f6r\u00fcnce \u00f6fkemiz de yat\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Bu kez \u00f6yle olmayacakt\u0131. S\u0131cac\u0131k bakan g\u00f6zlerinden i\u00e7indeki tahta otururdum. Bana ait, bana \u00f6zel bir s\u0131\u011f\u0131nakt\u0131 oras\u0131. G\u00fcvenli, korunakl\u0131… Kelimeler aram\u0131za girip bizi \u00fczene dek b\u00fcy\u00fclenmi\u015f gibi kal\u0131rd\u0131k \u00f6yle. Ke\u015fke seninle bir araya gelince hep uzun uzun sussayd\u0131k. Bizim \u015fifam\u0131z susmaktaym\u0131\u015f me\u011fer ge\u00e7 anlad\u0131m, ge\u00e7 anlad\u0131k.<\/p>\n

Benim konu\u015fmaya hi\u00e7 niyetim yokken sesin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve i\u00e7inde kayboldu\u011fum o tatl\u0131 huzuru birden b\u00f6ld\u00fc. K\u0131m\u0131ldan\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan ve v\u00fccut dilinden neler s\u00f6yleyece\u011fini tahmin edebiliyordum art\u0131k. \u0130\u00e7imden yalvar\u0131yordum: \u201cNe olur sussun Allah\u2019\u0131m, b\u00f6lmesin zaman\u0131 ikiye!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u0130kimizin de su\u00e7u yok. B\u00f6yle olmas\u0131 gerekiyordu ve oldu. Beni anlayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 umuyorum.\u201d<\/p>\n

G\u00fcnlerdir haz\u0131rlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131n beni bu sona. Ka\u00e7amak bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n, dalg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, beni yerle bir eden uzakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n hep bu ac\u0131mas\u0131z vedan\u0131n habercisiydi. Hayat\u0131m\u0131zdaki karma\u015fa ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 getirmi\u015fti sonunda.<\/p>\n

Sesin y\u00fcre\u011finde olup biteni hi\u00e7 ele vermezdi. Perdelerdin, \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6rterdin b\u00fct\u00fcn ac\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n. Sert, keskin ve kararl\u0131yd\u0131n. Kelimeler bizim d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131. G\u00f6zlerimizse usta bir \u00e7\u0131rak gibi tamir edendi her \u015feyi. Zaten g\u00f6zlerin olmasayd\u0131, s\u0131cac\u0131k bakmasayd\u0131n katlanabilir miydim b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlara?<\/p>\n

\u201c\u0130nsan sevdi\u011finin korunakl\u0131 mabedinde sonsuza kadar kalaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 zanneder. Her \u015feyin bir sonu oldu\u011funu unutur hep. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc a\u015fk bir t\u0131ls\u0131md\u0131r, dokundu\u011fu her \u015feyi g\u00fczelle\u015ftirir. B\u00fct\u00fcn imk\u00e2ns\u0131zl\u0131klar\u0131n \u00fczerini \u00e7izer. \u00c2\u015f\u0131k g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne eri\u015febilecek, arza h\u00fckmedecek kadar g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc hisseder kendini. \u00c7o\u011fald\u0131k\u00e7a \u00e7o\u011fal\u0131r. Donand\u0131k\u00e7a donan\u0131r a\u015fk\u0131yla. Sevdi\u011fine dolan\u0131r sarma\u015f\u0131k misali. Kalbine ma\u015fukundan dam\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u0131rr\u0131n\u0131 saklar \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcne. Kendi ben\u2019inden s\u0131yr\u0131l\u0131r, onda g\u00f6nenir her bir zerresi.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

B\u00f6yle demi\u015ftin bir g\u00fcn. O \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fimiz, hep u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z kafeteryada kahvelerimizi yudumlarken… Hep mant\u0131\u011f\u0131nla hareket ederdin. Bo\u015f vermi\u015flik r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131 seni bir kez bile s\u00fcr\u00fckleyemedi istedi\u011fi yere. Direncin hepsinin kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda duracak kadar kuvvetliydi. Kendinden emin y\u0131k\u0131lmaz bir kaleydin.<\/p>\n

O y\u00fczden bu se\u00e7im senindi. Bu veda da. Bu son da.<\/p>\n

O sokak lambas\u0131n\u0131n p\u00f6rs\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda bir biti\u015fin son demleriydi ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z. R\u00fczg\u00e2r sakinle\u015fmi\u015f, ya\u011fmur dinmi\u015f, gece b\u00fct\u00fcn karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 i\u00e7imize nak\u015fetmi\u015f ve sen diyece\u011fini demi\u015ftin.<\/p>\n

Tek bir s\u00f6z bile s\u00f6yleyemedim!<\/em><\/p>\n

B\u00fct\u00fcn s\u00f6zlerimi sende b\u0131rakt\u0131m. B\u00fct\u00fcn umudumu. B\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fc.<\/em><\/p>\n

Da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015fl\u0131k koydum avucuma. Hat\u0131ralar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ald\u0131m yan\u0131ma. \u0130\u00e7imde kalan son bir umutla arkama bakt\u0131m. Ellerin cebinde, i\u00e7indeki s\u0131r ve yar\u0131m kalm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zla karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ortas\u0131nda yava\u015f\u00e7a g\u00f6zden kayboluyordun. Oysa bir g\u00f6lge misali pe\u015finden gelecektim \u00f6m\u00fcr boyu. Yoklu\u011fun bendeki varl\u0131\u011f\u0131na zarar vermeyecekti. \u0130kimiz de bunu \u00e7ok iyi biliyorduk.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cHerkes gitti, r\u00fczg\u00e2r kald\u0131. Beklenmedik bir…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":204,"featured_media":8497,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10368"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/204"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10368"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10368\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10368"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10368"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10368"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}