Soruyorsun ya bana, benim neyimi sevdin diye; ben senin masumiyetini sevdim. Karanl\u0131kta do\u011fan g\u00fcne\u015f gibi ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131… \u0130nsan\u0131n i\u00e7ini \u0131s\u0131tan samimiyetini, do\u011fall\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, safl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sevdim. S\u00f6zlerinin de\u011fdi\u011fi yerin \u00e7i\u00e7ek a\u00e7mas\u0131n\u0131 mesela, t\u0131pk\u0131 g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00e7\u00f6llerinde oldu\u011fu gibi\u2026 \u00c7amura batan ellerinin \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sevmemek m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildi ki! \u00d6yle bir masumiyet ki bu, kendi i\u00e7inde verdi\u011fi sava\u015flarda dahi yenilmemi\u015f. Art niyetsiz, yarg\u0131s\u0131z, i\u00e7ten ve duru…<\/p>\n
Ben senin \u00e7ocuksulu\u011funu sevdim. Yoksunlu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm i\u00e7inin dehlizlerinde. Onun g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc duydum. Her \u015fekilde yak\u0131\u015fan, koca koca a\u00e7\u0131lan, insan\u0131n surat\u0131na s\u0131cak bir meltem b\u0131rakan g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc… Boynu b\u00fck\u00fclse de hayata olan inanc\u0131 t\u00fckenmemi\u015fti o \u00e7ocu\u011fun. \u0130p atl\u0131yordu, bisiklete biniyordu ve her nerede olursa olsun ar\u0131yordu muhta\u00e7 oldu\u011fu \u015fefkatini. D\u00fcnyadaki \u00e7o\u011fu insan\u0131n aksine dipdiriydi \u00e7ocuksulu\u011fun. P\u00fcr\u00fczs\u00fcz, taze ve kimsesiz\u2026 \u00d6p\u00fcp ok\u015famak istedim yanaklar\u0131n\u0131, kald\u0131r\u0131p yerlerden uf olmu\u015f yaralar\u0131n\u0131 sarmak istedim.<\/p>\n
Belki beni de katar oyunlar\u0131na diye uzatt\u0131m ellerimi. G\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fcm gamzelerinde…<\/p>\n
Ben senin, insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sevdim. S\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z merhamet da\u011flar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ben seni g\u00f6rd\u00fcm \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Kaybolmu\u015flu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm de s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131m insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na. G\u00f6zlerine bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k kat\u0131yordu idrakinin nuru. A\u011flay\u0131\u015flar\u0131na dokundu i\u00e7imin titremesi. Silmek istedim g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131, kap\u0131lmak istedim y\u00fcrek yang\u0131nlar\u0131na ve seninle yanmak istedim. <\/p>\n
K\u0131yamad\u0131m, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc k\u0131ymamay\u0131, k\u0131yamamay\u0131 \u00f6\u011fretiyordun \u00e7oktan \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f olan duygular\u0131ma.<\/p>\n
Ben senin umudunu sevdim, azmini sevdim, y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn yollardaki m\u00fccadeleni sevdim, kaybedi\u015flerindeki zaferleri sevdim. D\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcndeki kalk\u0131\u015flar\u0131 sevdim. \u00dcst\u00fcndeki tozu topra\u011f\u0131 temizlerken yeniden toza bulan\u0131yordu \u00fcst\u00fcn ba\u015f\u0131n. Ama geri \u00e7ekilmiyordun, y\u0131lm\u0131yordun, korkmuyordun. Evet, sen, d\u00fcnyan\u0131n en korkak insan\u0131, bir k\u00f6pe\u011fin hayalinden bile titreyen sen, d\u00fcnyan\u0131n en cesuruydun asl\u0131nda. Senin girdi\u011fin muharebelerden sa\u011f \u00e7\u0131kabilmekti cesaret, kendini yenebilmekti. Bir a\u011fac\u0131n a\u015f\u0131lanmas\u0131 gibi budad\u0131n ellerimi.<\/p>\n
Ve umudunla, azminle \u00e7i\u00e7ek a\u00e7t\u0131rd\u0131n fark\u0131nda olmadan bu kurumu\u015f \u00e7\u0131nara…<\/p>\n
Ben senin yumu\u015fakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sevdim. Evet, kaba saba biriyim, tamam anlamam sayg\u0131nl\u0131k palavralar\u0131ndan. Ama \u00f6yle bir zarafet vard\u0131 ki her i\u015finde, \u00f6yle bir incelik vard\u0131 ki her tavr\u0131nda, edanda, ben gibi bir canavar\u0131 bile uysalla\u015ft\u0131rmay\u0131 ba\u015farm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00c7i\u00e7ek sulasan bile asilce yap\u0131yordun, uyusan bile yava\u015f\u00e7a, vurup \u00f6ld\u00fcrsen bile, nazik\u00e7e. \u00d6ld\u00fcrd\u00fcn i\u00e7imdeki f\u0131rt\u0131nalar\u0131 kas\u0131rgalar\u0131nda. Ate\u015flerimi s\u00f6nd\u00fcrd\u00fcn volkanlar\u0131nda. Eridim…
\nBen seni sevdim be \u015febnem \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fim! Her \u015feyinle sevdim. Direnemedim ak\u0131l almaz cazibene. Bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131na de\u011fmeden ezildi bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131m. Ellerine de\u011fmeden titredi ellerim \u00e7aresizli\u011fe. Hayalinin bula\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcnden beri zavall\u0131 hayalime, uykulara dar\u0131ld\u0131 g\u00f6zkapaklar\u0131m. Sen, benim ula\u015famayaca\u011f\u0131m Kafda\u011f\u0131\u2019ms\u0131n. Eremeyece\u011fim murad\u0131m, k\u0131ramayaca\u011f\u0131m cellad\u0131m\u2026 Sen benim imrendi\u011fim kimsesizli\u011fim, \u015fa\u015fk\u0131n\u0131m, sarsa\u011f\u0131ms\u0131n. Biliyorum bir g\u00fcn bana d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn bitecek, ellerin hi\u00e7 varmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ellerimden kay\u0131p gidecek.<\/p>\n
Biliyorum par\u00e7alayacak yasaklar, olamazlar beni silindir gibi ezecek. Ama sen de bil, d\u00fcnyada hi\u00e7 kimse seni benim gibi sevemeyecek.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Soruyorsun ya bana, benim neyimi sevdin…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":260,"featured_media":8652,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10356"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/260"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10356"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10356\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10356"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10356"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10356"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}