Erken saatte ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f bir g\u00fcnde, hen\u00fcz tamamlanmam\u0131\u015f temizli\u011fin tam ortas\u0131nda duyuldu sesi:
\n– Boh\u00e7ac\u0131 geldi haaan\u0131\u0131\u0131m! Boh\u00e7aaac\u0131\u0131\u0131!<\/p>\n
Evde, evlilik ya\u015f\u0131nda k\u0131zlar\u0131n oldu\u011funu bilmenin ferahl\u0131\u011f\u0131; kap\u0131dan \u00e7evrilmeyecek, hor g\u00f6r\u00fclmeyecek, hatta h\u0131rpalanmayacak olman\u0131n rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla i\u00e7eri girdi. \u00dc\u00e7 be\u015f kuru\u015f kazanaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fcn hafifleyece\u011fini, annemle iki laf\u0131n belini k\u0131raca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 da biliyordu. Ne\u015feyle seslendi:
\n– Huuuu! Boh\u00e7ac\u0131 geldi boh\u00e7ac\u0131!<\/p>\n
Eskiydi ama bak\u0131ml\u0131yd\u0131 evimiz. Y\u0131k\u0131k yerleri elle s\u0131vanarak tamir edilmi\u015f, dar uzun koridoru \u00e7ivit maviye boyanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Kendini kara, lastik ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131n bile \u00f6zenle dizildi\u011fi giri\u015fteki ayakkab\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n yan\u0131na at\u0131verdi Boh\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131 da derin bir \u201c Ohhh!\u201d \u00e7ekerek yere b\u0131rakt\u0131.
\n– A be almaz m\u0131s\u0131n \u015fu ak\u00e7a pak\u00e7a ablama \u00e7i\u00e7ekli bi \u00e7ar\u015faf tak\u0131m\u0131?<\/p>\n
Annem, yer minderlerini vagon gibi s\u0131raya dizdi. Sonra krem, k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131, mor \u00e7i\u00e7ekli; koyulu a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131, soluk ama inad\u0131na mor \u00e7i\u00e7ekli divan \u00f6rt\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc titizlikle d\u00fczeltip, boh\u00e7an\u0131n yan\u0131na ton ton v\u00fccudunu b\u0131rak\u0131verdi.<\/p>\n
\u00c7ingeneler\u2026
\n\u00d6fke ve ne\u015fenin \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 birlikteli\u011fini ve h\u0131zl\u0131 de\u011fi\u015fimini en iyi ya\u015fayan, nesilden nesile aktar\u0131lan h\u0131rs\u0131zl\u0131k al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131ndan dolay\u0131 sadece genlerini su\u00e7layan g\u00f6\u00e7ebe topluluk\u2026 Boh\u00e7ac\u0131 Hasibe, onlar\u0131n i\u00e7inde evi bark\u0131 olan se\u00e7ilmi\u015f gruptand\u0131. Annem tan\u0131rd\u0131 kad\u0131n\u0131. Yine de el \u00e7abuklu\u011fu ile \u00e7antas\u0131na bir \u015feyler at\u0131vermesinden \u00e7ekinirdi. Bu y\u00fczden evdeki son d\u00fczenlemeleri h\u0131zl\u0131ca yapt\u0131. \u00c7ingeneydi nihayetinde, ad\u0131 \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n
Ad\u0131 \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131.
\nAd\u0131 \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131.
\nAd\u0131 k\u00f6t\u00fcye \u00e7\u0131kmaya g\u00f6rs\u00fcnd\u00fc.
\nBir insan, sesi b\u00fcz\u00fc\u015fesicelerin diline d\u00fc\u015fmeye g\u00f6rs\u00fcnd\u00fc\u2026<\/p>\n
Bir iki hal hat\u0131rdan sonra boh\u00e7an\u0131n s\u0131k\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131, ilmek ilmek, karman \u00e7orman at\u0131lm\u0131\u015f d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc b\u00fcy\u00fck bir ustal\u0131kla \u00e7\u00f6zd\u00fc Hasibe.<\/p>\n
D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmleri \u00e7\u00f6zmek de beceri isterdi; s\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131p kalan\u0131, d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm olan\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6zmek herkesin harc\u0131 de\u011fildi. \u00c7\u00f6z\u00fclmeyecek bir ba\u011f kurmak da \u00f6yle\u2026<\/p>\n
– \u015eu beyaz nevresim tak\u0131m\u0131 yeni geldi. Tam \u00e7eyiz i\u00e7in\u2026
\nKahve fincanlar\u0131n\u0131 uzat\u0131rken g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, nevresim tak\u0131m\u0131 salondaki el dokumas\u0131 hal\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerine serilmi\u015fti.
\n– Aman evlad\u0131m dikkat et, kirlenmesin! Beyaz, \u00e7abuk leke g\u00f6sterir.
\nKirlenmesin!
\nKirlenmesin!
\nBeyazda leke \u00e7abuk g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr.
\nDikkat et!
\nDikkat!
\nAman ha!<\/p>\n
Boh\u00e7ac\u0131n\u0131n irili\u011fine yak\u0131\u015fmayan e\u011fretilikteki minik, donuk, soluk bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 \u00fczerimde hissettim. \u0130\u00e7im \u00fcrperdi. Kahveleri verdi\u011fim gibi d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m.
\nSonbahard\u0131. Havada tatl\u0131 bir s\u0131cakl\u0131k vard\u0131. \u00d6nce kap\u0131 \u00f6n\u00fcndeki zambaklar\u0131, ortancalar\u0131, ad\u0131n\u0131 bilmedi\u011fim k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131, pembe, beyaz \u00e7i\u00e7ekleri sulad\u0131m. Hepsi kokusuyla, rengiyle harikayd\u0131. Hepsi dal\u0131yla, yapra\u011f\u0131yla, \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fiyle eksiksizdi, kusursuzdu.
\nOysa benim bir yan\u0131m eksikti.
\nBir yan\u0131m yar\u0131m\u2026
\nBen de bu evin k\u0131z\u0131yd\u0131m.
\nBen de bu tavan\u0131 y\u00fcksek, duvar\u0131 ta\u015ftan, divan \u00f6rt\u00fcleri hep muntazam bir d\u00fczen i\u00e7indeki evde b\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm; Ay\u015fe, Aylin, Aydan da\u2026
\nOnlar\u0131n de\u011fildi ama benim bir yan\u0131m eksikti, kusurluydu.<\/p>\n
Annem i\u00e7eriden seslendi.
\n– A\u00e7elya, gel bir bak k\u0131z\u0131m \u015fu \u00e7ar\u015faflara!
\nHortumu bir \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fin dibine b\u0131rakt\u0131m; \u00e7i\u00e7ekler solmas\u0131n!<\/p>\n
\u0130steksiz ad\u0131mlarla i\u00e7eri girdim. Hol\u00fcn ortas\u0131nda, bu kez k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131l\u0131 bir nevresim tak\u0131m\u0131 seriliydi.
\n– Ben karar veremedim, hangisi olsun, diye sordu annem.
\n\u00c7ingene, kahvesini yudumlarken minik, so\u011fuk, boncuk boncuk g\u00f6zleriyle yine bana bakt\u0131.
\n– Mavi olsun, dedim.
\n– Mavi nevresimim yok ki be k\u0131zan\u0131m.
\n– Yoksa k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131y\u0131 da beyaz\u0131 da topla koy boh\u00e7ana, istemiyorum!
\nBoh\u00e7ac\u0131 \u00e7ar\u015faf\u0131 itina ile toplay\u0131p katlarken:
\n– A be n\u2019oldu \u015fimdi bu k\u0131za? Ben ne dedim ona ablaca\u011f\u0131z\u0131m?
\n– Ni\u015fanland\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan beri b\u00f6yle. Evlenecek her k\u0131zda olur b\u00f6yle haller Hasibe, sen onun kusuruna bakma.<\/p>\n
Annem, da\u011f\u0131lan\u0131 toplamakta boh\u00e7ac\u0131 kad\u0131n kadar mahir de\u011fildi. D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmleri \u00e7\u00f6zmekte de onun kadar istekli de\u011fildi zaten.
\n– En iyisi \u015fu \u00fczerinde pembe a\u00e7elyalar olan beyaz nevresimi ver sen. K\u0131z\u0131ma da bu yak\u0131\u015f\u0131r, dedi.<\/p>\n
Beyaz, temizliktir,
\nSafl\u0131kt\u0131r,
\nG\u00fczelliktir,
\nMasumiyettir.<\/p>\n
– Bak en g\u00fczeli se\u00e7tin, sen bu i\u015fi biliyorsun k\u0131z ablaca\u011f\u0131z\u0131m.
\n\u0130\u00e7eride s\u0131k\u0131 bir pazarl\u0131k i\u00e7in eller birbirine yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f sallan\u0131rken benim de yakama yap\u0131\u015fan bir \u015feyler, ac\u0131mas\u0131zca bedenimi sars\u0131yordu. Derinlerde bir yerde, ge\u00e7mi\u015fimden h\u00e2l\u00e2 bitmeyen bir hesap g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcyordu.
\nHer f\u0131rsatta b\u0131\u00e7ak gibi saplan\u0131p duran bu \u015feyi silip atmak istiyorum.
\nOn be\u015f y\u0131ld\u0131r s\u0131rt\u0131mda bir kambur gibi ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu y\u00fckten, kurtulmak istiyorum.
\nA\u011f\u0131r.
\n\u00c7ok a\u011f\u0131r.
\nHasibe\u2019nin boh\u00e7as\u0131ndan bile a\u011f\u0131r.
\nHasibe ile annem al\u0131\u015fveri\u015fi tamamlay\u0131p kahvenin fal k\u0131sm\u0131na ge\u00e7tiler.
\n– \u015eurada bir a\u011fa\u00e7 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Yan\u0131nda iki g\u00f6z odas\u0131 olan bir ev. \u0130\u00e7ini g\u00f6remiyorum ama a\u011fac\u0131n dallar\u0131 eve g\u00fczelce g\u00f6lgelik olmu\u015f.
\n– Nerede Hasibe? A\u011fa\u00e7 ma\u011fa\u00e7 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yok benim.
\n– Ah be ablam, falda benim g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc sen nas\u0131l g\u00f6receksin? Onu bilen g\u00f6r\u00fcr be a!
\n– Bak evin bah\u00e7esinde bir kalabal\u0131k bir heyecan\u2026 \u0130ri, etli parmaklar\u0131n\u0131 fincan\u0131n i\u00e7ine uzatt\u0131. Minik, boncuk g\u00f6zlerini iyice k\u0131s\u0131p sesine gizemli bir ahenk katarak:
\n– K\u0131z abla, havadaki kara bulutlar\u0131 da g\u00f6rm\u00fcyorum deme be, bal ablac\u0131m benim.
\n– Ay Hasibe i\u00e7ime bir daralt\u0131 koyup da gitme, ooofff!
\nTiz bir kahkahan\u0131n ard\u0131ndan Hasibe\u2019nin ne\u015feli sesi duyuldu.
\n– Benim g\u00fczel ablam yok be yaaa. Bak sadece k\u0131sac\u0131k bir zaman. Sonra her yer g\u00fcll\u00fck g\u00fclistanl\u0131k. Hadi d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00fcz m\u00fcbarek olacak, bu ceylan g\u00f6zl\u00fc k\u0131z feraha kavu\u015facak. Ben gideyim art\u0131k be. Oturdum kald\u0131m \u015furac\u0131kta.<\/p>\n
Alyans\u0131 \u00e7evirmekten parma\u011f\u0131m k\u0131pk\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 olmu\u015ftu. \u0130nsan\u0131n hayallerini elleriyle bo\u011fmas\u0131n\u0131n ne demek oldu\u011funu bilir misiniz?
\nNereden bileceksiniz?
\nYa\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m \u00f6yle kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k, hayallerim \u00f6yle duru, i\u00e7im \u00f6yle k\u0131p\u0131r k\u0131p\u0131r ki\u2026
\n\u00c7ocuklu\u011fuma dair i\u00e7ten bir kahkaha yank\u0131lan\u0131yor kulaklar\u0131mda. O g\u00fcn f\u0131rf\u0131rl\u0131, k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 bir elbise giymi\u015ftim. Kollar\u0131mdaki dantellerin renginden, sa\u00e7lar\u0131ma kurdele tak\u0131l\u0131… Eteklerimden tutup d\u00f6nmeye ba\u015flad\u0131m. Ben d\u00f6nd\u00fcm, f\u0131rf\u0131rlar a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131; a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131k\u00e7a daha h\u0131zl\u0131 d\u00f6nmeye ba\u015flad\u0131m. H\u0131z\u0131m artt\u0131k\u00e7a eteklerim daha geni\u015f havalan\u0131yordu. Kahkahalarla g\u00fclerken kendimi yerde buldum. Babam ko\u015farak elimden tutup kald\u0131rd\u0131. Kanayan dizimi temizleyip yaram\u0131 sard\u0131.
\nD\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm.
\nKanad\u0131m.
\nTek ba\u015f\u0131ma yaram\u0131 saramayacak kadar k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckt\u00fcm.<\/p>\n
Tek ba\u015f\u0131ma bu yaray\u0131 saramayacak kadar g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz\u00fcm.
\nG\u00fcc\u00fcm yok.
\nSevdiklerim \u00fcz\u00fclmesin diye ta\u015f\u0131yorum y\u0131llard\u0131r bu y\u00fck\u00fc.
\nSiz, hayat\u0131m\u0131n hi\u00e7bir yerinde olmayan insanlar;
\nBir de siz konu\u015fmay\u0131n diye\u2026<\/p>\n
\u0130nsan\u0131n sevdi\u011fine kavu\u015famamas\u0131 ne demek bilir misiniz?
\nSiz bilmezsiniz. Nerden bileceksiniz? Siz hi\u00e7 i\u00e7ten sevmemi\u015fsiniz.<\/p>\n
– K\u0131z\u0131m \u00e7i\u00e7eklerin dibi g\u00f6l gibi olmu\u015f, kapat art\u0131k \u00e7e\u015fmeyi.
\n– Tamam.
\nBen \u00e7e\u015fmeye do\u011fru giderken annem \u00f6\u011fle yeme\u011fi i\u00e7in eve gelen babam\u0131 k\u00f6\u015feye s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131\u015f, f\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131yordu.
\n– Bir s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131 var bu k\u0131z\u0131n. Tedirgin edici, i\u00e7 bunalt\u0131c\u0131 bir sessizli\u011fi var. Anlamad\u0131m, Halit\u2019i mi istemiyor acaba?
\n– Yok can\u0131m, o da nereden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 Hatice. Halit\u2019e bakarken A\u00e7elya\u2019n\u0131n g\u00f6zlerinin i\u00e7i parl\u0131yor. Evham yapma.
\n– Ay ne bileyim. D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne \u015funun \u015furas\u0131nda bir ay bile kalmad\u0131. Valla son dakikada istemedi\u011fini filan s\u00f6ylerse el \u00e2leme rezil oluruz.<\/p>\n
El \u00e2lem\u2026
\nEl\u2026 \u00c2lem\u2026
\n\u00c7amura bulanm\u0131\u015f sar\u0131 hortumu f\u0131rlat\u0131p \u00e7e\u015fmenin kurnas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7evirdim. \u0130ncir a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda \u00f6ylece kalakald\u0131m.
\nBir \u00e7ocuk merhameti arad\u0131m ama annemin s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerinde bulamad\u0131m.
\nBeni biri \u00f6ld\u00fcrd\u00fc anne!
\nBak \u015fu incir a\u011fac\u0131na iyi bak, g\u00f6r\u00fcyor musun? Yok! Onun olanlarda bir su\u00e7u yok. Peki, benim ne su\u00e7um var? Beynimi kemiren kurtlar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyor musun? Hem de y\u0131llard\u0131r\u2026
\nOkulda
\nEvde
\n\u00c7i\u00e7ek toplarken
\n\u0130p atlarken
\nMektup yazarken
\nYaln\u0131zken
\nSenin yan\u0131ndayken
\nAh, babam varken!
\nUyurken bile
\nBeynimin
\n\u0130\u00e7ini
\nKemirdiler.<\/p>\n
\u00dcmit ettim
\nHayal kurdum
\nCesaretlendim
\nKorktum
\nKorktum
\nDaha \u00e7ok korktum<\/p>\n
Ge\u00e7mi\u015fimin puslu camlar\u0131ndan gelece\u011fimi g\u00f6remedim.<\/p>\n
Ah, savunmas\u0131zd\u0131m!
\nKorunmas\u0131zd\u0131m.
\nS\u0131\u011f\u0131nmas\u0131zd\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Bu ac\u0131y\u0131 benimle ta\u015f\u0131yacak bir y\u00fcre\u011fi nerede bulabilirdim?
\nKim beni anlayabilirdi?
\nKimin g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcne ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 yaslay\u0131p i\u00e7imdeki dev canavar\u0131 kusabilirdim?
\nKimin merhametine g\u00fcvenebilirdim?
\nSevdi\u011fim adamla evlenebilseydim belki de g\u00fczel bir yuva kurabilirdim. Ne de g\u00fczel bir gelin olurdum. Ne de g\u00fczel bir anne olurdum kim bilir. K\u0131z\u0131ma, hatta o\u011fluma da merhameti anlatmadan \u00f6nce merhametini yitirmi\u015f s\u0131rtlanlar\u0131 anlat\u0131rd\u0131m. Sonra merhameti ilmek ilmek i\u015flerdim kalbinin en naif k\u00f6\u015fesine.<\/p>\n
– A\u00e7elya neredesin k\u0131z\u0131m?
\n– Bah\u00e7ede!
\n– Ben davetiye da\u011f\u0131tmaya gidiyorum. Le\u011fendeki \u00e7ama\u015f\u0131rlar\u0131 as\u0131ver. Ocaktaki yeme\u011fe bakmay\u0131 da unutma e mi. Yanmas\u0131n.
\n– Bakar\u0131m anneci\u011fim!<\/p>\n
Sak\u0131n yanmas\u0131n.
\n\u0130yi bak, yanmas\u0131n!
\nBiliyorsunuz de\u011fil mi? K\u0131zlar annelerini de \u00e7ok \u00e7ok \u00e7ok \u00e7ooook severler. Onlar\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fclmelerini hi\u00e7 istemezler.<\/p>\n
Eyl\u00fcld\u00fc.
\nHen\u00fcz dokuz, on ya\u015flar\u0131ndayd\u0131m. -D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum da \u00e7ocuklu\u011fuma dair an\u0131lar\u0131m bu ya\u015flarda bir b\u0131\u00e7ak gibi kesiliyor.-
\n\u00c7e\u015fmenin dibindeki incirin yola sarkm\u0131\u015f dallar\u0131ndan, olgunla\u015fm\u0131\u015f en g\u00fczel yemi\u015fleri toplad\u0131m avu\u00e7lar\u0131ma. Y\u00fcz\u00fcme bir tebess\u00fcm yay\u0131ld\u0131.
\nBir, iki, \u00fc\u00e7, d\u00f6rt, be\u015f.
\nTam be\u015f tane.
\nZaten bu kadar s\u0131\u011fd\u0131rabilmi\u015ftim.
\nMinik, tertemiz kalbime kalsa t\u00fcm a\u011fac\u0131 toplay\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcrecektim.
\nTek ba\u015f\u0131na oturan ya\u015fl\u0131 adam\u0131n yan\u0131na ko\u015fa ko\u015fa, ne\u015feyle gittim. Tahta giri\u015f kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131na oturmu\u015f, elindeki bastona hayata tutunur gibi tutunmu\u015ftu. Yakla\u015ft\u0131m ve avucumun i\u00e7indekileri adam\u0131n avucuna b\u0131rakt\u0131m. Sevgiyle bakt\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcme. \u0130\u00e7imde iyilik yapman\u0131n g\u00fcne\u015f gibi ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131ldad\u0131.<\/p>\n
\u00c7ocuklu\u011fuma dair bir de sal\u0131ncak kurup sallanmalar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum. Bir ta\u015f\u0131 urgana ba\u011flar, a\u011fac\u0131n en y\u00fcksek dal\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerinden ge\u00e7irirdik. Ta\u015f\u0131 f\u0131rlat\u0131rken yaralanmaktan korkup sa\u011fa sola ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131k.
\nTa\u015f a\u011f\u0131r yaralard\u0131, \u00f6ld\u00fcrebilirdi bile maazallah. Babam s\u0131k\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131 tembihlerdi.
\n– Aman ha k\u0131z\u0131m, \u00e7ok dikkat edin!
\nBirini \u00f6ld\u00fcrmek \u00e2lemi \u00f6ld\u00fcrmeye denkti. \u00d6yle s\u00f6ylerdi babam. Urgan\u0131 dala ge\u00e7irdikten sonra ucunu, bizi \u00e7ekecek kadar s\u0131k\u0131 ba\u011flard\u0131k. Annem, d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00fcst\u00fcne yumu\u015fak minder yerle\u015ftirirdi. Oturur, s\u0131rayla sallan\u0131rd\u0131k. Ayaklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ileri, geri sallad\u0131k\u00e7a parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131z g\u00f6\u011fe de\u011fecek san\u0131rd\u0131k. Kahkahalar\u0131m\u0131z t\u00fcm soka\u011fa yay\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n
\u00c7ocuk sesleri.
\n\u00c7ocuk kahkahalar\u0131.
\n\u00c7ocuk safl\u0131\u011f\u0131.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh be! At \u00fczerinden \u015fu a\u011f\u0131r havay\u0131 A\u00e7elya! G\u00fczel bir sal\u0131ncak kurup sallan \u015f\u00f6yle \u00e7ocuklu\u011fundaki gibi. Parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131n g\u00f6\u011fe de\u011fsin. Yine kahkahalarla g\u00fcl, g\u00f6zlerinden ya\u015f gelsin. Yine kahkahalarla g\u00fcl. G\u00f6zlerinden ya\u015f gelene kadar\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Y\u00fcz\u00fcmde bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmseme ile toparland\u0131m. A\u011fac\u0131n en kal\u0131n dal\u0131na bakt\u0131m. Kilere ko\u015fup urgan\u0131 kapt\u0131m ve incir a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131na geldim. Sanki ilk defa sal\u0131ncak kuracakm\u0131\u015f\u0131m gibi heyecandan ellerim titredi. Ger\u00e7i en son sal\u0131ncak kurdu\u011fumda galiba on ya\u015flar\u0131ndayd\u0131m. Ama yine de \u00e7ok acemi say\u0131lmazd\u0131m. Urgan\u0131n ucuna ta\u015f\u0131 ba\u011flad\u0131m. En kal\u0131n dal\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcme kestirdim, f\u0131rlatmak i\u00e7in elimi kald\u0131rd\u0131m.
\nSonra vazge\u00e7tim.
\nDenemeye vaktim yoktu, annem bir s\u00fcr\u00fc i\u015f s\u00f6yleyip gitmi\u015fti. Garanti olsun diye bah\u00e7e duvar\u0131na \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p dala t\u0131rmand\u0131m. \u0130pi daldan ge\u00e7irip s\u0131k\u0131ca ba\u011flad\u0131m.
\n– \u00c7ocuk de\u011filim art\u0131k. Ya beni \u00e7ekmezse!
\nSanki d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc s\u0131kt\u0131k\u00e7a zihnimdeki d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmler bir bir \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcl\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n
En az Hasibe\u2019nin boh\u00e7as\u0131 kadar s\u0131k\u0131 oldu.
\nMinderim yok!
\nCan\u0131m \u00e7ok yanar m\u0131?
\n\u00c7ama\u015f\u0131rlar\u0131 asmad\u0131m.
\nYemekler yanarsa annem \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcr m\u00fc?
\nAnnem \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcr m\u00fc acaba?<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Kal\u0131n ve pembemsi dudaklar\u0131 k\u0131p\u0131rdand\u0131. D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc kontrol etti, g\u00f6zlerini yumdu ve kendini korkusuzca bo\u015flu\u011fa b\u0131rakt\u0131. Ayaklar\u0131 birka\u00e7 kez ileri geri salland\u0131.
\nBoynunda ip, y\u00fcz\u00fcnde bu\u011fulu bir ac\u0131 vard\u0131. A\u00e7\u0131k kalan g\u00f6zlerinden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya bir damla ya\u015f s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc.
\n***
\nBen A\u00e7elya\u2026
\nEyl\u00fcld\u00fc.
\n\u00c7e\u015fmenin dibindeki incirin yola sarkm\u0131\u015f dallar\u0131ndan, olgunla\u015fm\u0131\u015f en g\u00fczel yemi\u015fleri toplam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Bir tane kendim i\u00e7in cebime koydum.
\nBir, iki, \u00fc\u00e7, d\u00f6rt, be\u015f.
\nTam be\u015f tane.
\nZaten de bu kadar s\u0131\u011fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 minicik avu\u00e7lar\u0131ma.
\n\u00c7ocuk kalbime kalsa t\u00fcm a\u011fac\u0131 toplay\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcrecektim.
\nHen\u00fcz dokuz, on ya\u015flar\u0131ndayd\u0131m.
\nTek ba\u015f\u0131na oturan ya\u015fl\u0131 adam\u0131n yan\u0131na ko\u015fa ko\u015fa gittim. Yakla\u015ft\u0131m ve avucumdaki incirleri onun avu\u00e7lar\u0131na b\u0131rakt\u0131m.
\nHen\u00fcz dokuz, on ya\u015flar\u0131ndayd\u0131m.
\nSize \u00f6yle gelmeyebilir. Ama on ya\u015f\u0131nda bir \u00e7ocuk i\u00e7in elli be\u015f, altm\u0131\u015f, altm\u0131\u015f be\u015f ya\u015f\u0131ndakiler ya\u015fl\u0131d\u0131r. Hatta elli ya\u015f\u0131ndakiler bile\u2026
\nAdam y\u00fcz\u00fcme sevgiyle bakt\u0131. Ben, bu bak\u0131\u015f\u0131 \u00f6mr\u00fcm boyunca unutmad\u0131m!
\nElimden tuttu. Ah\u015fap merdivenlerden yukar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k. \u00d6nce kuru ve kemikli ellerini \u00e7ocuk v\u00fccudumda yava\u015f yava\u015f gezdirdi. Sonra kalbimdeki t\u00fcm \u00e7ocuk merhametimi k\u0131z\u0131l bir k\u0131yametin i\u00e7ine at\u0131p yakt\u0131.
\nEski evden \u00e7\u0131karken avucumda bir paket bayat \u00e7erez, kas\u0131klar\u0131mda taptaze bir ac\u0131 vard\u0131.<\/p>\n
Sustum!
\nA\u011fz\u0131ma kapat\u0131lan kemikli parmaklara \u00e7arp\u0131p i\u00e7ime g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131m.
\nBuru\u015fmu\u015f bir y\u00fcz, canl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yitirmi\u015f bir ten, \u00e7ukurlar\u0131nda kaybolmu\u015f fersiz g\u00f6zlerle bir korkulu\u011fu and\u0131r\u0131yordu. Nas\u0131l olmu\u015ftu da girmi\u015ftim onun tarlas\u0131na. Cebimden ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m incir ezildi, minik parmaklar\u0131m\u0131n aras\u0131 yap\u0131\u015f yap\u0131\u015f oldu.<\/p>\n
Ellerimden tiksindim.
\nAdamdan tiksindim.
\n\u00dczerimdeki, ne oldu\u011funu bile bilmedi\u011fim yap\u0131\u015fkan \u0131slakl\u0131ktan tiksindim.<\/p>\n
Kas\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 kas\u0131p kavuran sanc\u0131y\u0131 saklamak i\u00e7in g\u00fcnlerce \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nd\u0131m.
\nKulaklar\u0131mda kesik kesik soluk sesleri \u00e7\u0131nlad\u0131.
\n\u00c7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011fa uyand\u0131m uykular\u0131mdan.
\nEl \u00e2lem bilmedi anne.
\nKimselere s\u00f6yleyemedim.
\nSen de bilmedin. Babam da\u2026<\/p>\n
Ben Halit\u2019i de \u00e7ok sevdim.
\nBen sizi de \u00e7ok sevdim.<\/p>\n
Hasibe\u2019den ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u00e7ar\u015faf\u0131 Ay\u015fe, Aylin ya da Aydan\u2019a ver. S\u00f6yle dikkat etsinler.
\nBeyaz \u00e7ok leke g\u00f6sterir!
\nAh, \u015fu \u00e7ingeneler!
\nYalanc\u0131l\u0131kla da su\u00e7lan\u0131rlar.<\/p>\n
Oysa i\u00e7imdeki kara bulutlar birazdan da\u011f\u0131lacak.
\nCeylan g\u00f6zl\u00fc k\u0131z\u0131n feraha kavu\u015facak ger\u00e7ekten.
\nOcaktaki yeme\u011fin yanacak, anne.
\n\u00c7ama\u015f\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131n \u0131sla\u011f\u0131 \u00f6m\u00fcr boyu kurumayacak.
\nHalit\u2019in, iki g\u00f6z evine incirler g\u00f6lge olacak.<\/p>\n
Ben \u00e2lemin \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc de\u011fil, \u00e2lemin \u00f6ld\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcy\u00fcm. Beni affet babac\u0131\u011f\u0131m.
\nBen A\u00e7elya.
\nBen Duru.
\nBen Zeynep.
\nBen Fidan.
\nBen\u2026
\nBu bizim gibilerin, yaz\u0131lan son \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fc olsun.
\n\u00c7ocuk kahkahalar\u0131n\u0131 susturmay\u0131n, olur mu?<\/p>\n
***
\nA\u00e7elya\u2019n\u0131n g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fc h\u0131zl\u0131 h\u0131zl\u0131 inip kalkt\u0131. G\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcnden bir ser\u00e7e, kafesini zorlayarak k\u0131r\u0131lan yerinden havaland\u0131. G\u00f6\u011fe do\u011fru kanat \u00e7\u0131rparken bembeyaz bir soluk b\u0131rakt\u0131 arkas\u0131nda.
\nLekesiz.
\nKirlenmemi\u015f.
\nK\u0130RLET\u0130LM\u0130\u015e.
\nACIMADAN K\u0130RLET\u0130LM\u0130\u015e.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Erken saatte ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f bir g\u00fcnde, hen\u00fcz…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":264,"featured_media":7514,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10253"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/264"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10253"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10253\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10253"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10253"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10253"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}