Ben hi\u00e7 yenilmemi\u015ftim, hi\u00e7 kaybetmemi\u015ftim girdi\u011fim sava\u015flar\u0131. Hi\u00e7 y\u00fcz\u00fckoyun devrilmemi\u015ftim. Hi\u00e7 kanamam\u0131\u015f, hi\u00e7 kanat\u0131lamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Nas\u0131r tutmu\u015ftu dermana k\u00fcsen ayaklar\u0131m ama hi\u00e7 kesilmemi\u015fti parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131ndan ve tuz bas\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 sinir k\u00f6klerine. Hi\u00e7 esir d\u00fc\u015fmemi\u015f, hi\u00e7 prangaya vurulmam\u0131\u015f, hi\u00e7 k\u0131rba\u00e7lanmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m \u00e7\u0131lg\u0131nlar gibi. Daima ba\u015f\u0131m dikti, daima burnum havada, g\u00f6zlerim \u00f6fkeliydi bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan. Ben hi\u00e7 e\u011filmemi\u015ftim yani, hi\u00e7 burnum s\u00fcrt\u00fclmemi\u015f, hi\u00e7 g\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6fkesine bat\u0131r\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Eyvallah\u0131m yoktu evelallah\u0131m dururken. \u0130taatim yoktu, evrilmemi\u015f \u00e7\u0131narlar gibi g\u00f6klere do\u011fru \u00f6lecektim g\u00fcya. Kuruyacak ama kimseye g\u00f6stermeyecektim. O kadar da gururluydum, gururum par\u00e7a par\u00e7a \u00e7i\u011fnenmeden evvel isli \u015fark\u0131larda…<\/p>\n
Yani ben, nas\u0131l anlatsam bilmiyorum ama hi\u00e7 k\u0131r\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u00c7atlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m tam orta yerinden ge\u00e7ip giden f\u0131rt\u0131nalara belki. Ancak k\u0131r\u0131lacak, \u00e7at\u0131r \u00e7at\u0131r k\u0131r\u0131lacak kadar ince de\u011fildim. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben hi\u00e7 savrulmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. S\u0131rt\u0131m yere gelmemi\u015fti. Pes dedirtilmemi\u015fti pes demeyi bilmeyen h\u0131rs\u0131ma. G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m olmu\u015ftu tamam ama hi\u00e7 kanamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 o \u00e7i\u011f taneleri. Hi\u00e7 s\u00fcz\u00fclmemi\u015fti k\u0131z\u0131l bir denize \u0131rmaklar\u0131m. Sab\u0131r ta\u015f\u0131m orta yerinden ayr\u0131lmam\u0131\u015f, kafama ge\u00e7irilmemi\u015fti b\u00f6yle…<\/p>\n
Ben hi\u00e7 kaybolmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m do\u011fdu\u011fum yollarda. Hi\u00e7 yitik kalmam\u0131\u015f, hi\u00e7 yitirmemi\u015ftim bildiklerimi. Ad\u0131m ad\u0131m izlerdim ayak izlerimi, ezber etmi\u015ftim g\u00fcne\u015fin bat\u0131dan do\u011fu\u015funu \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Hi\u00e7 kuzeyden ba\u015f\u0131ma do\u011fan bir g\u00fcne\u015f g\u00f6rmemi\u015ftim. Hi\u00e7 kopmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 k\u0131yametim. El olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m tan\u0131d\u0131k y\u00fczlere. Biliyor musun, \u00e7\u0131kmaz sokaklar bile duvarlar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7ard\u0131 yoluma, labirentler bile \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6sterirdi. K\u0131sacas\u0131, hi\u00e7 pusulam, y\u00f6n duygum, fele\u011fim \u015fa\u015fmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131…<\/p>\n
Ben hi\u00e7 korkmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m hayat\u0131mda. Hi\u00e7 titrememi\u015fti ayaklar\u0131m. Hi\u00e7 kalbimin at\u0131\u015f\u0131yla ba\u015fedemedi\u011fim olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Yanarda\u011flarda da yanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m oysa, ejderhalar\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na da dikilmi\u015ftim, cehennemlere de s\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Fakat hi\u00e7 yanmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m inan\u0131r m\u0131s\u0131n? Hi\u00e7 geri ad\u0131m atmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m karanl\u0131klarda ve hi\u00e7 azap denen gayyada yuvarlanmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m sonsuzca. Koca koca beylik laflar d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc a\u011fz\u0131mdan. L\u00e2l olman\u0131n zehrini, s\u00fck\u00fbt denen zincirin k\u0131vrand\u0131r\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 tatmad\u0131\u011f\u0131mdanm\u0131\u015f me\u011fer…<\/p>\n
Ben hi\u00e7 \u00f6lmemi\u015ftim. Her g\u00fcn \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcme inand\u0131rm\u0131\u015flard\u0131 beni. Salakl\u0131k i\u015fte. \u00d6lmenin yava\u015f yava\u015f bir b\u00f6ce\u011fin etini kemirmesinden beter oldu\u011funu anlatmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 kimse. Hi\u00e7 katilim olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131mda. B\u0131\u00e7aklanmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m za\u011fl\u0131 han\u00e7erlerle kirpik kirpik. Kur\u015funlanmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m \u015fahi topu mermileriyle, as\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m bo\u011faz\u0131mdan, a\u011fz\u0131m\u0131n kurulu\u011fuyla. Hi\u00e7 girmemi\u015ftim \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn kabrine, hi\u00e7 \u00e7ak\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m etten tabutuma, hi\u00e7 kefenlenmemi\u015ftim mumyalar\u0131n laneti koynumda ve hi\u00e7 g\u00f6m\u00fclmemi\u015ftim kendi tenimin topra\u011f\u0131na, canl\u0131 canl\u0131…<\/p>\n
Seni tan\u0131madan \u00f6nce…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ben hi\u00e7 yenilmemi\u015ftim, hi\u00e7 kaybetmemi\u015ftim girdi\u011fim…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9418,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10202"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10202"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10202\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10202"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10202"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10202"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}