\u015eeyhim!
\nKe\u015fke bir par\u00e7a umursamaz olabilseydim.
\n\u00c7evremde g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm her canl\u0131y\u0131 t\u0131ls\u0131m zannetmeseydim.
\nSevdi\u011fim her insan\u0131 K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck Prens\u2019in yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi g\u00fcle d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr\u00fcp cam fanuslarla korumaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmasayd\u0131m,
\nKe\u015fke diyorum \u015feyhim,
\nKe\u015fke hi\u00e7 insan olmasayd\u0131m.
\nG\u00f6r\u00fcnmeseydim.
\nDini, toplumu, gelene\u011fi, s\u0131fatlar\u0131 hi\u00e7 bilmeseydim.
\n\u0130kide bir b\u00fcy\u00fcy\u00fcp de\u011fi\u015fti\u011fim yan\u0131lg\u0131s\u0131na kap\u0131lmasayd\u0131m ke\u015fke.
\nKendimi miladi bir rakam saymasayd\u0131m kerrat cetvelinde.
\nTanr\u0131n\u0131n bana bah\u015fetti\u011fine inand\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu y\u00fcz\u00fc bir tek bana vermi\u015f gibi \u00f6zenle y\u0131kay\u0131p kurulamasayd\u0131m.
\nParmak izlerimiz farkl\u0131 diye her insan\u0131 birbirinden ba\u011f\u0131ms\u0131z tutan kutsal bir yarg\u0131 g\u00fctmeseydim.
\n\u015eeyhim, ben ke\u015fke hi\u00e7 var olmasayd\u0131m.
\nUtand\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc, sevmedi\u011fim bir s\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc,
\nBa\u015fka y\u00fczlerin, kesik kesik duman kokan kelimelerin alt\u0131na saklamasayd\u0131m.
\nHer g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm ortam\u0131 K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck Prens\u2019in gezip dola\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 farkl\u0131 d\u00fcnyalar gibi bilmeseydim.
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke ben hi\u00e7 aramasayd\u0131m d\u00fcnya \u00fczerinde yerimi.
\n\u0130\u00e7imde gizli tuttu\u011fum masama kurulmu\u015f otururken,
\nD\u0131\u015far\u0131dan gelen kar\u0131n beyaz h\u00fckm\u00fcne ayak uydurmasayd\u0131m.
\nKendi i\u00e7imden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p insanlar\u0131n aras\u0131na kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131mda kayboldu\u011fumu hi\u00e7 unutmasayd\u0131m.
\nMecburiyetlerim olmadan da ya\u015fayabilece\u011fim bir d\u00fcnya d\u00fczeni olsayd\u0131.
\nPiyasalar\u0131n kar\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131 etkilemeseydi b\u00fct\u00e7emi.
\nBen ke\u015fke c\u00fczdan bile ta\u015f\u0131ma gururuna nail olmasayd\u0131m.
\nYiyip i\u00e7mek, ac\u0131kmak, uyumak gibi insan\u0131 eylemlerim,
\nVe g\u00fcl\u00fcp a\u011flamak gibi duygusal de\u011ferlerim olmasayd\u0131.
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke ben bu d\u00fcnyan\u0131n \u00fczerinden k\u0131sa zamanda u\u00e7may\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenen bir ku\u015f gibi geldi\u011fim zaman ge\u00e7ip gitseydim.
\nEllerim \u015fimdi kimin ellerinden farkl\u0131 ki?
\nDudaklar\u0131m kanla da \u0131sland\u0131 g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131yla da.
\nTuz denilen nimetin ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 en \u00e7ok kendi g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131mda tatt\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan beri,
\nNe baharat, ne biber, ne \u015feker, ne su,
\nHepsi ayn\u0131 geliyor art\u0131k.
\nSa\u00e7lar\u0131m ya\u011fmur suyuna da kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131,
\n\u015eampuana da.
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke bu denli kendime muhta\u00e7 oldu\u011fumu g\u00f6rmeseydim.
\nK\u00f6r olsayd\u0131m.
\nDuymasayd\u0131m.
\nKonu\u015famasayd\u0131m.
\nBak \u015fimdi ne fark\u0131 kald\u0131 g\u00f6zlerimin \u00e7ocuk g\u00f6zlerinden?
\nYeti\u015fkin kini ile bir parlay\u0131p bir s\u00f6nmese,
\nBelki kendimi farkl\u0131 oldu\u011fuma inand\u0131rabilirdim.
\nOysa ne fark\u0131 kald\u0131 bedenimin bir \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f cesetten?
\nKokmuyorum sadece.
\nYahut kokusunu duymuyorum belki de insan \u00f6l\u00fcs\u00fc bedenimin,
\nToprak kokuyu \u00e7ekti\u011finden,
\nAya\u011f\u0131m\u0131 yere her bast\u0131\u011f\u0131mda,
\nYa\u015faman\u0131n kokusu g\u00f6\u011fe kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan belki de
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke tanr\u0131n\u0131n beni di\u011ferlerinden farkl\u0131 yaratmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmeseydim.
\nD\u00fcnya benim etraf\u0131mda d\u00f6n\u00fcp duruyor zannetseydim \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumdaki gibi.
\nPelerinimi K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck Prens\u2019inkine inat siyah \u00e7izdirip,
\nG\u00fcllerimin \u00fczerinden eze eze ge\u00e7seydim kendimi.
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke hi\u00e7 var olmasayd\u0131m.
\nTanr\u0131n\u0131n okuyaca\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcnah sevap defteri azal\u0131r,
\nMeleklerin tutaca\u011f\u0131 tutanak daha d\u00fczenli olurdu belki.
\n\u015eeyhim, ben ke\u015fke hi\u00e7 do\u011fmasayd\u0131m.
\nG\u00fcne\u015fin h\u00e2l\u00e2 bir anlam\u0131,
\nYa\u011fmurun teni \u0131s\u0131tan bir ate\u015fi,
\nVe a\u015fk\u0131n sonsuz bir endi\u015fesi olurdu belki.
\n\u015eeyhim, ben ke\u015fke hi\u00e7 sana seslenmeseydim.
\nKanat \u00e7\u0131rparken yere d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde beni bulup
\nO kanad\u0131 iyile\u015ftirmeseydin,
\n\u00d6mr\u00fc uzam\u0131\u015f bir kelebek olmayacakt\u0131m belki.
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke ben hi\u00e7 var olmasayd\u0131m.
\nBundan \u00f6nceki zamanlarda da olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m gibi.
\nToplumun toplum olmaya nas\u0131l ihtiyac\u0131 yoksa
\nBana da yok.
\nT\u0131pk\u0131 benden \u00f6ncekilere olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi\u2026
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke hi\u00e7 konu\u015fmasayd\u0131m.
\nSessizli\u011fimde bir yerlerde tanr\u0131 beni de yan\u0131na al\u0131rd\u0131 belki.
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke hi\u00e7 olmasayd\u0131m.
\n\u0130zime ihtiyac\u0131 yok hi\u00e7bir kald\u0131r\u0131m\u0131n,
\nSesime ihtiyac\u0131 yok hi\u00e7bir \u015fark\u0131n\u0131n.
\nVe benim parmaklar\u0131mda g\u00fc\u00e7 bulmaya yeltenmeyecek elbette hi\u00e7bir mum.
\nSalyangoz bile benim hibemde ilerlemiyorken,
\n\u015eeyhim, eksi\u011fi \u00e7ok olup fazlas\u0131n\u0131 bulundurmayan bu sebeplerden dolay\u0131,
\nKe\u015fke ben hi\u00e7bir tabiat\u0131n hi\u00e7bir zaman diliminde,
\nVe m\u00fctemadiyen sanat\u00e7\u0131 uyruklu say\u0131labilecek bir ailenin \u00e7at\u0131 kat\u0131nda,
\nNe ge\u00e7mi\u015fte ne bug\u00fcnde ne de gelecekte bulunsayd\u0131m.
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke,
\nBen hi\u00e7 \u201cke\u015fke\u201d
\nBen hi\u00e7 \u201c\u00f6z\u00fcr dilerim\u201d
\nBen hi\u00e7 “seviyorum”lu c\u00fcmlelerde parantez bulundurmasayd\u0131m.
\n\u015eeyhim, ke\u015fke ben hi\u00e7 var olmasayd\u0131m…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u015eeyhim! Ke\u015fke bir par\u00e7a umursamaz olabilseydim….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":251,"featured_media":10165,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10151"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/251"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10151"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10151\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10151"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10151"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10151"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}