Sesler duymaktay\u0131m uzaktan; \u00fcrpertici, \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 sesler. Kulak kesil, sen de duyacaks\u0131n. Eritecek \u00f6z benli\u011fini yava\u015f yava\u015f. Kesecek derini notalar\u0131 lime lime. Kat\u0131l bana, bu yolculuk karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en dibine do\u011fru…<\/p>\n
Soka\u011f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde, bodrum kat\u0131n en ezik k\u00f6\u015fesinde, yedi\u011fi son daya\u011f\u0131n s\u0131z\u0131s\u0131yla inleyen Leman’\u0131 dinle mesela. \u00dczerinde anoson ve kusmuk kar\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131 bir koku. Yerde, ezilmi\u015f bir gurur, ayaklar alt\u0131nda bir haysiyet. Annesinin \u00f6pmeye k\u0131yamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 yanaklar\u0131nda k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 mora d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f gaddar tokatlar. Eteklerinde tecav\u00fcz izleri. Pis bir meni art\u0131\u011f\u0131 bacaklar\u0131nda; yap\u0131\u015f yap\u0131\u015f. \u00d6fkeyle, h\u0131n\u00e7la s\u0131k\u0131yor yumruklar\u0131n\u0131. \u0130ntihar intihar b\u00fcy\u00fcyor arzular\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda. Dualar\u0131 beddualar\u0131na kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f. Duyan da yok, bilen de. Dinle, dinle ve y\u0131k\u0131l \u00e7aresiz bir \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fin kafeslerinde par\u00e7alan\u0131\u015f\u0131na. Topla kaybolan gen\u00e7li\u011fini s\u0131rtlan sofralar\u0131ndan ve sar\u0131l ona…<\/p>\n
Hemen \u00fcst katta R\u00fcstemlerin daireye sokul sonra. \u0130\u00e7 odada bir bebek a\u011flamas\u0131. Saat ge\u00e7, hava so\u011fuk. Ac\u0131kma sanc\u0131s\u0131 gaz sanc\u0131s\u0131yla dans ediyor. Karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inde, korkunun en ger\u00e7ek\u00e7i h\u00e2li \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131yor \u00fczerinde. Uykular a\u011f\u0131r, bedenler yorgun. Bir annenin ninnilerini ar\u0131yor be\u015fi\u011fi. Onun s\u0131cakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, billur sesini, koynunun rahat\u0131n\u0131 ar\u0131yor. Bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n \u0131\u015f\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, dudaklar\u0131n\u0131n busesini ar\u0131yor. Sar\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131, sarmalay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131, kucaklay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 ar\u0131yor. Gideli \u00e7ok olmu\u015f, topra\u011fa kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f s\u00fct keseleri. Hi\u00e7 bitmeyecek bir \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nma, hi\u00e7 bitmeyecek bir aray\u0131\u015f, hi\u00e7 bitmeyecek bir a\u011flama bu. Dinle, dinle ve \u00f6rt \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6ks\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn. Salla be\u015fi\u011fini hayalet ellerinle; \u00f6p, kokla…<\/p>\n
\u0130ki bina yanda, Asiye Teyze’nin odas\u0131na u\u011fra! Ci\u011ferleri iflas etmi\u015f \u00e7oktan. Tavana dikili g\u00f6zleri bir misafirin geli\u015fini izliyor. H\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131klar kar\u0131\u015f\u0131yor k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n bo\u011faz\u0131na. Yasin, g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131yla abdest ald\u0131r\u0131yor gamzelerine. Duvarlarda g\u00f6lgeler geziyor belli belirsiz. Salonda nihai sonu bekleyen film izleyicileri. \u00dc\u00e7 g\u00fcn sonra unutacaklar\u0131 bir senaryoya sahte ah-u vahlarla tan\u0131k oluyorlar. \u00d6len bir bedenin \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131\u015f\u0131 eziyor yata\u011f\u0131n bacaklar\u0131n\u0131. Mazinin biti\u015fi, hayallerin s\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fc, umutlar\u0131n t\u00fckeni\u015fi. Son nefesin i\u00e7in i\u00e7in b\u00fcy\u00fcyen senfonisi bu. Dinle, dinle ve kapat kirpiklerini \u00f6teler yolcusunun. Dokun, bo\u015flu\u011funa, so\u011fuklu\u011funa ve bir Fatiha oku…<\/p>\n
Soka\u011f\u0131n k\u00f6\u015fesinde, u\u011fur apartman\u0131n\u0131n u\u011fursuzlu\u011funu ke\u015ffet! Tahir Amcay\u0131 g\u00f6receksin i\u00e7 kap\u0131n\u0131n dibinde. Yedi\u011fi yumruklarla bay\u0131lm\u0131\u015f. Son paras\u0131n\u0131 da alm\u0131\u015f uyu\u015fturucunun u\u011furuna tapan U\u011fur’u. Ne yapsa bo\u015f, ne s\u00f6ylese bo\u015f, neye yansa bo\u015f. K\u0131r\u0131lan burnunun kenar\u0131nda bir \u00e7i\u011f tanesi kalm\u0131\u015f. O\u011flu i\u00e7in d\u00f6k\u00fclen saf bir \u015fefkat ya\u011fmurunun izi. Bayg\u0131n ama r\u00fcya g\u00f6r\u00fcyor. Kanlar i\u00e7inde ama r\u00fcya g\u00f6r\u00fcyor. \u0130ki b\u00fckl\u00fcm yerde k\u0131vran\u0131yor ama r\u00fcya g\u00f6r\u00fcyor. Tay tay yapt\u0131r\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyor U\u011fur’a. \u0130lk di\u015f \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131, ilk agular\u0131n\u0131, ilk bisiklet kullan\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyor. “Benim aslan o\u011flum” \u00f6v\u00fcnmeleri titretiyor dudaklar\u0131n\u0131. M\u0131r\u0131ldan\u0131yor, say\u0131kl\u0131yor istemsiz; benim aslan o\u011flum… Benim aslan o\u011flum… Dinle, dinle ve kald\u0131r ellerinden \u00e7amura bulanm\u0131\u015f hayallerin sahibini. Sil kanlar\u0131n\u0131 o uyanmadan ve lanet et lanet edilmesi gereken her lanetli\u011fe…<\/p>\n
Caminin yan\u0131ndaki parka ge\u00e7 oradan. \u00c7\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f, eski, yar\u0131m bir battaniyeye sar\u0131l\u0131, ad\u0131n\u0131 san\u0131n\u0131 kimsenin bilmedi\u011fi evsiz bir meczubun saray dairesi buras\u0131. Ayaz battaniyeye, battaniye ayaza bulanm\u0131\u015f. A\u00e7l\u0131k ok\u015fuyor su y\u00fcz\u00fc g\u00f6rmeyen sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131. Ayaklar\u0131n\u0131n titremesi a\u011fa\u00e7 yapraklar\u0131n\u0131n h\u0131\u015f\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131na kar\u0131\u015f\u0131yor. Bir par\u00e7a ekme\u011fin ve kim bilir hangi s\u0131cak k\u00f6\u015fenin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcne saplanm\u0131\u015f uykular\u0131. \u00d6lse, \u00f6lemez. Ya\u015fasa, ya\u015fayamaz. G\u00fcl\u00fcyor… K\u00fcfrede k\u00fcfrede g\u00fcl\u00fcyor. S\u00f6ylene s\u00f6ylene, inleye inleye, ac\u0131 ac\u0131 g\u00fcl\u00fcyor. Di\u015flerinin \u00e7o\u011fu d\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f kaderine. Bitmeyen gecenin inafs\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda da\u011f\u0131l\u0131yor yazg\u0131s\u0131. \u00c7\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131\u015flar\u0131n, kimsenin duyamayaca\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u0131 yank\u0131lan\u0131yor. Dinle, dinle ve \u0131s\u0131t anla\u015f\u0131lmazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n koynuna hapsolmu\u015f keder mahkumlar\u0131n\u0131. K\u00fcrek \u00e7ek \u0131st\u0131rap denizinde ve kana…<\/p>\n
Evlerin aras\u0131nda, sand\u0131klarla d\u00f6\u015fenmi\u015f yuvas\u0131ndaki Tatl\u0131\u015f’a y\u00f6nel oradan. Hani \u015fu mahallenin \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131n eskiden s\u00fct getirdi\u011fi, \u015fimdilerin talihsiz annesine. \u00dc\u00e7 yavrusu \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f bile. \u00dc\u00e7 g\u00fczide \u00e7i\u00e7ek, \u00fc\u00e7 ci\u011fer yan\u0131\u011f\u0131, \u00fc\u00e7 miyav miyav a\u011f\u0131t. Sadece bir tane t\u00fcy yuma\u011f\u0131 sar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f memesine. O da g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz, sabah\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karamayacak. Avaz avaz ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131yor geceye. Ciyak ciyak yard\u0131m \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131. Ne dilini anlayan var, ne imdad\u0131na ko\u015fan. Yal\u0131yor, temizliyor, \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131yor can ta\u015f\u0131yanlar\u0131n en candan olan\u0131. G\u00f6z\u00fcnde tela\u015f, patilerinde endi\u015fe. Ve yaln\u0131z ku\u015flar\u0131n \u015fahit oldu\u011fu bir ya\u015fam \u00e7\u0131kmaz\u0131. Dinle, dinle ve \u015fahit ol bir annenin cennetlerden daha kuts\u00ee y\u00fcre\u011fine. Anla, \u00e7aresizli\u011fin t\u00e2 ar\u015fa de\u011fen lisan\u0131n\u0131 ve yan…<\/p>\n
Sesler duymaktay\u0131m uzaktan; \u00fcrpertici, \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 sesler. \u015eizofrenik bir orotoryo sahnesi gece. Her yanda yank\u0131lan\u0131yor. R\u00fczg\u00e2ra kar\u015f\u0131yor zulmetlerin gizledi\u011fi feryat figanlar. \u00c7arp\u0131yor, sahile vuran bir dalga gibi kulaklar\u0131ma. Sen de duydun. \u0130\u015fte bu, ger\u00e7e\u011fi bilen, sesleri i\u015fiten bir zavall\u0131n\u0131n sapland\u0131\u011f\u0131 batakl\u0131k. \u015eimdi uzan yata\u011f\u0131na. Uyku denen cellad\u0131n vur boynunu. Anla, hayat denen cezan\u0131n bir azap oldu\u011funu. Ve a\u011fla… A\u011fla… A\u011fla…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sesler duymaktay\u0131m uzaktan; \u00fcrpertici, \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 sesler….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10080,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10079"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10079"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10079\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10079"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10079"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kadrandergi.com.tr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10079"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}